A horrible emotional affair

[Chrisz]

Okay I'm sure this is not a unique situation for some people to be in but it is for me. I have been with my wife for 11 years and we've been married over it we have three beautiful children together. My wife loves to play video games a lot. We've had our ups and downs but we've always pulled through. In the past on two occasions I have use the internet to look outside of our relationship but always deleted the profile before anything ever happened although she has called me both times and I really regret doing that they were probably some of the worst mistake I've ever made in my life. About six months ago I noticed she was becoming more and more withdrawn from me and every time I would come home from work she wouldn't even barely talk to me and would never take off the headphones because she was too busy playing video games with all of her friends. I noticed she began to recoil at my every touch and we haven't had sex in over 6 months and that truly killed me. Finally her ignoring me just push me to the breaking point and I did the stupid thing of asking if she still even loved me. That's when she dropped the atom bomb on me and told me that she did not love me anymore. We decided that we would still live together but just be friends so our kids could have to parents in truth I only did this because I was sure that I could win her back. I asked her if there was anyone else and she told me no. I then spent the next two days telling her how much I loved her how much I cared about her and how much she meant to me. We got into an argument about that and so in a fit of anger I opened up a profile online just to try to get her to say to shut it down. That didn't work I ended up talking to one girl for about 2 days and said absolutely nothing it deleted the profile I was trying to get her jealous and it definitely did not work. Turns out one of the people that she games with who lives in another country and it's literally young enough to be her son told her he liked her within hours of us breaking up. She told me about him and I have never been under more stress in my entire life I snooped her phone and found all the I love yous and kissy faces at that point it almost drove me to Madness but I kept trying to pull through and trying to win her over. I also tried to explain to her that this guy and this relationship would never amount to anything more than it is right now obviously that didn't work. We've had plenty of little arguments since then and I did tell her that if she ever wanted to be with me again she would have to cut him out completely she is refusing to do that. Just when I thought that I was starting to finally almost accept it she mention the word divorce. We live in California but she is from Hawaii and I know if it was up to her she would take the kids and move back to Hawaii. I told her in no uncertain terms that I would fight for the kids and make sure that I got 50-50 custody. This pushed her over the edge and after a bunch of yelling and screaming we decided that we would still remain friends but she blamed me for her seeking out someone else to mostly attached to and said that she was never going to give him up would delete him or cut him out of her life no matter what happened. It has been about 3 weeks since this emotional affair started and she is just started to accept the fact that it is an affair but she wont do anything about it. She's called me every nasty name in the book but I don't care there's something about her and I love her and I want her back I need her back but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make her break it off with this other guy and I definitely don't know what I need to do to show her that I really do care about her I am seeking professional help to try to fix some of my problems of which I have more than a few. But I feel like I am fighting alone and that she refuses to even meet me halfway at all to try to even think about working on us. She did just start working out but other than that all she does is play video games and talk to this guy. I know they've already had video phone sex and I'm sure they've sent dirty pictures to each other. The thought of that just flat-out disgusts me and drives me insane that some kid has stolen my wife. I don't know what to do I almost want to start dating again but I'm afraid if I do I'll lose any chance I have in the future forever. I also know that I'll never have a chance as long as this guy is in the picture but I don't know what it's going to take to make her give them up. I have been going back to the gym again but other than that I don't know what I can do to work on me to make myself look better to her. Please anyone with any advice or suggestions I really could use it thank you

[Surfer]

Chrisz,

That sit. [censored]. I know as I had practically the same but we hand no sex for 5 years, lived together after the EA/PA for 2.5 years and she has recently left with the kids. Only a month in I am happy. Why, because she is not here to constantly remind me of her being a total B to make me react - which I never did.

Here is my advice. Do not chase her. She will think you are weak and you will turn weak. If you want to look good - don't do it for her. Yes go to the gym but do it so you look and feel great. The gym is great for burning off your anxiety. Definitely do this. I chased my wife. Don't do it.

Don't hang around her when you think she is texting etc. Stay totally out of the way. Act as if she is talking to her Mum etc. She will get bored of the EA/PA. It's a cheap thrill. It will come to an end.

If she mentions this guy just look right through her as if it doesn't even register. I made the mistake of confronting them and the broadcasting it. It does no good - do not do this. Just work out how to deal with it - keep busy.

Get yourself out and about with and without the kids. Leave her to it. Do fun things.

Mostly don't talk to anyone about this unless they are totally not connected to your W. It will damage trust between you. I made this mistake a lot.

Why did your wife say she was unhappy or not in love - you don't talk to her, take no interest etc? Do the opposite of what she says, but do it genuinely. Don't do it to manipulate.

What are you doing that is your problem? Fix this. Time for a 180 here. You must be consistent forever though.

Hope this helps.

[ukdeedp]

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