My wife walked out 3

[RSG]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2688566&#Post2688566


Cnut, in relation to your last question, I'm never the one to call at bedtime. She is. She asks where I am when she is calling me and I'm not home, but I haven't really been saying anything (and she pretends she doesn't care).

Anyway, from yesterday until July 10 he will either be with me or my folks. On July 4th, my folks and brother will be coming over to celebrate my birthday and we'll be going to the pool and having supper. Then the week of the 11th, I will be taking him to and bringing him home from the new camp. I'm excited!!

[RSG]

Not much to report. WW picked up S this AM, we got him ready and didn't talk about much else. She mentioned "being in charge" is hard and that some new counselor isn't working out, but that's it. Didn't show any emotion. She Facetimed last night to say goodnight, I just put the phone on S and didn't say much of anything myself.

As for me, I'm doing well. I no longer instigate communication "how's it going" "how's S" and so forth. I don't offer updates or pictures, and I don't call. She sends pictures, asks how he's doing, Facetimes, calls etc. When she asks how he's doing I certainly don't answer immediately, and I usually stick to one/two word answers. When she calls to vent to me, I'm a lighthouse and try to validate. Also, I found out she put me on her restricted FB list so I did the same. Today I removed it. Why? It doesn't matter. It didn't help me, it was just tit for tat. If she wants to be petty and secretive that's on her. My decisions are based less and less on getting a reaction, and more on whatever I think is right for S and I.

I'm more content with myself and determined to create RSG 2.0, along with being the best Daddy possible. I'm learning more about what it takes to make a good, healthy R through all my reading (both here and in books). I keep reading Sandi's posts. Whenever I do, I notice she's still a foggy, selfish looney tune.

S and I had a great night. Every once in a while he'll say or do something where I think "W would love to see this!" and it just fades (rather than start the waterworks like it used to), so I end up celebrating his moments as if I'm 2 people. And he loves it. The speech therapy is really working, as he has been saying full, appropriate 6-7 word sentences now. It's amazing to hear and puts such a smile on my face. I'm enjoying every moment with him, and really want to make sure I show him what a man is supposed to be.

[Coconut]

Great update RSG... Sounds like your doing well, and your DB'ng is doing great.

[RSG]

Great update RSG... Sounds like your doing well, and your DB'ng is doing great.

Thanks Coconut.
I'm definitely in a positive place. I know the things I could've done better in our M, and I'm reading about how to improve that for a future R or rebuilding this M if that's in the cards. Realizing WW is a different person than the one I fell in love with/married has helped tremendously. I always take her words with a grain of salt and look for actions. One positive from her is she has softened a bit. I just know I can't let my guard down....

[RSG]

Well DBers, Major Temp Check #2 just occurred.

She had texted a few times about what we were doing, and I gave her sparse answers about 30 minutes apart. She wants to come over tomorrow and spend time with both of us. She said we could go with her to the lake, or she would come here to the pool. I said, you can spend the afternoon (or something) with S as I need to run errands. He will be with me Sunday, as she needs to get to bed early for the Peachtree Road Race Monday. She'll start the Race around 7, and the drive in is nearly an hour from where she is now.

She Facetimed, and was bawling. Her face was all red and tears streaming from her eyes. She talked to S, but he was exhausted, drinking milk and then ran to the potty. She asked if she could speak to me, and we talked. Said the same junk "Are you happy?" and "I'm really proud of you." I didn't answer, just said I had a great day with S. She asked me to think about joining them tomorrow, and I said I'd think about it. Let her speak to S again, and she looked at him bawling saying "you look just like daddy, I love you so much" numerous times. "Don't forget that I love you to the moon and back." She also mentioned it's really difficult for her to take care of him.

She said her Dad told her to go to the gym and start running again. I didn't say anything, because her waywardness began with joining a new gym; but, I've always encouraged her to run more (prior to walking out of course). She's getting a bigger tummy, eating poorly and not keeping up with her appearance like she used to.

Told me she's getting an apartment near us in a few weeks, and said her Dad would help her. She'll likely ask me, but I can't see myself helping my W move into an apartment. Ha. That thought scared the devil out of me before, but her getting an apartment would be good actually. It would be great for S, but if anything positive were to happen we would be close.

That brings me to this: I felt sorry, but didn't react. I didn't fall into the trap like I did before. No tears, no fear, just emotionless and stuck to the topics at hand. I almost smiled, which is something I do when I'm nervous, but didn't. I've decided I need to hear 4 words before I contemplate any future with her other than being Son's Mom. "Will you forgive me" or some variation thereof. Yes, they are words not actions, but it would be a sign of humility from someone I know isn't very humble in nature. She hates to show vulnerability.

I thought of 100 reasons that could've sparked this. OP is getting sick of things, she won't see S for very long after tomorrow for the next 2 weeks, she said she had to fire someone, depression, missing S, missing me, blah blah blah. They all went through my head like a plane taking off a runway. I'm focused on being the best Daddy possible, and when he's not here being an even better me than I've ever been.

No expectations. No false hope. "Will you forgive me" or bust. That's my motto. I don't want a divorce, but I can't forget what she's done because of a couple crying episodes. I'm proud of myself!

[RSG]

Oh, and I didn't elaborate on why the apartment would be good. Not just in case anything positive happened, but it'll show her how difficult it is to live on her own without H to be there to do and pay for everything. To furnish everything as well, she owns nothing other than clothes and the few things her parents have likely given her. And she took S crib and converted it into a toddler bed. S would have a short ride between us rather than what he has to sit through now as well.

Just didn't want y'all to think I was hooking hopes on anything!

[Zues126]

Well DBers, Major Temp Check #2 just occurred.

She had texted a few times about what we were doing, and I gave her sparse answers about 30 minutes apart. She wants to come over tomorrow and spend time with both of us. She said we could go with her to the lake, or she would come here to the pool. I said, you can spend the afternoon (or something) with S as I need to run errands. He will be with me Sunday, as she needs to get to bed early for the Peachtree Road Race Monday. She'll start the Race around 7, and the drive in is nearly an hour from where she is now.

She Facetimed, and was bawling. Her face was all red and tears streaming from her eyes. She talked to S, but he was exhausted, drinking milk and then ran to the potty. She asked if she could speak to me, and we talked. Said the same junk "Are you happy?" and "I'm really proud of you." I didn't answer, just said I had a great day with S. She asked me to think about joining them tomorrow, and I said I'd think about it. Let her speak to S again, and she looked at him bawling saying "you look just like daddy, I love you so much" numerous times. "Don't forget that I love you to the moon and back." She also mentioned it's really difficult for her to take care of him.

She said her Dad told her to go to the gym and start running again. I didn't say anything, because her waywardness began with joining a new gym; but, I've always encouraged her to run more (prior to walking out of course). She's getting a bigger tummy, eating poorly and not keeping up with her appearance like she used to.

Told me she's getting an apartment near us in a few weeks, and said her Dad would help her. She'll likely ask me, but I can't see myself helping my W move into an apartment. Ha. That thought scared the devil out of me before, but her getting an apartment would be good actually. It would be great for S, but if anything positive were to happen we would be close.

That brings me to this: I felt sorry, but didn't react. I didn't fall into the trap like I did before. No tears, no fear, just emotionless and stuck to the topics at hand. I almost smiled, which is something I do when I'm nervous, but didn't. I've decided I need to hear 4 words before I contemplate any future with her other than being Son's Mom. "Will you forgive me" or some variation thereof. Yes, they are words not actions, but it would be a sign of humility from someone I know isn't very humble in nature. She hates to show vulnerability.

I thought of 100 reasons that could've sparked this. OP is getting sick of things, she won't see S for very long after tomorrow for the next 2 weeks, she said she had to fire someone, depression, missing S, missing me, blah blah blah. They all went through my head like a plane taking off a runway. I'm focused on being the best Daddy possible, and when he's not here being an even better me than I've ever been.

No expectations. No false hope. "Will you forgive me" or bust. That's my motto. I don't want a divorce, but I can't forget what she's done because of a couple crying episodes. I'm proud of myself!

Wow. Well done.

[J5K]

Good job!

[RSG]

Thanks guys.

Thank heavens for you guys and this board, or I'd be a wreck myself right now. As expected, if I had any expectations they would've been dashed. She's scared to death, but not asking for forgiveness. I got the "I'm so sorry for everything. That's all I can say I'm so sorry" multiple times. She was hopelessly bawling, but I kept my distance and just looked her in the eyes. She said she's actually getting an apt halfway between where she is now and home. It's fairly expensive there, but not my problem. It's not far, and better for S.

I just need to keep with the DB'ing. She's finally seeing the cost of her choices, but she talks to her Dad whenever she feels low and all he wants is for his child to be happy in the moment. So his advice is pretty crummy. She hasn't eaten in a few days, is gaining weight and doesn't feel well at all. These are things she admitted to me.

The rest of the day I'm sticking with no contact, unless she initiates, and answering sparsely. I didn't engage in any real R talk, I just let her go. One thing that struck me is what MWD, or possibly a poster (Sandi?) said about how difficult it is to get back together. We're at different levels of emotion at different times. She reminds me of where I was the day she walked out. Confused, not hungry at all, crying, devastated, a total wreck.

It's hard for me to wipe out my emotions at all times. I wanted to hug her, I was disappointed she still hasn't gotten her head straight, I wanted to hear "will you forgive me" so badly. But it was momentary instead of something I'm putting all my emotions into. There is a time for your heart to lead you, but right now I need to be lead by my head. My head says keep going, don't waver. Always be a lighthouse, don't be ugly, you're doing well.

I can't believe anything she said, except the apartment really, because it was driven by emotions. She's scared. Scared of living alone, scared of coming back home. Scared I'd throw the A in her face for years, scared of losing S. I can't program her mind, I can just keep being the best man I can be and the best Daddy in the world.

[RSG]

Well, I know I can't put my eggs in any basket but mine and S, but the tables may be turning as Sandi notes in her posts on WW. It could be another temp check, since I haven't been showing much interest, but it could also be her being afraid that she's losing me. She just text "You're really done with me, aren't you?"

Talk about something I WAS NOT EXPECTING!!

I thought hard about it. Wrote out a response, read it over and over, and wasn't happy with anything. Then she called, asking if I were asleep (because sometimes when S naps we take a short snooze). I just said no, and she said ok that she was just checking up on me. I ended up texting "I'm not really ready to make a major decision on anything right now."

Honestly, I just want to take things day by day and see what happens. She's an emotional wreck right now. I was tempted to ask about the A, but wasn't that stupid lol. I guess I just really need to stick to the DBing hard. I like where I'm going as a man and I love being a daddy. I'd LIKE my wife to commit and work for this family. In addition to the obvious, I'd be really proud of her growth as a person by fighting for this. I have no intention of filing for D anytime soon, but in all honesty I think separation has been good for me; my relationship with S growing by the minute, learning mental toughness, improving my social skills, investing in myself.