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Had another meeting with the guardian attorney today. I don't know how to feel about it, I was really upset after leaving. New info and the unknown. I didn't bother going back to work as I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate. W is trying to make me look bad about Father's Day and my communication, criticizing my enthusiasm and how I change subjects. I explained how I have to really work to have a conversation with them, how w was letting them play a video game last time they called, etc. I also told her how s read me a book the night I got w's last email (which I brought to her), how the kids do the same to her, and about d pretending to be asleep so she didn't have to talk to w one night. I really think w is trying to make me look bad in a nice crazy sort of way.

The attorney told me she thinks w will be living with OM soon. Hopefully that spells instability for the attorney, I don't know if I can handle being replaced and w moving kids in if I don't get custody (how on any planet could that be acceptable) and all so quick. It's sickening, my stomach has been in a knot since I left. I reintegrated how this bothered me since OM (who brought tinder dates to company functions) started a r with a married woman living with her h and children and how he obviously doesn't have their best interest in mind. She then brought up how w doesn't believe she is cheating/having an affair since she considers us broken up. I made sure she knew it was happening while she lived here. Wtf, if that doesn't spell instability....

The guardian attorney also asked me why I haven't told anyone about w's A. I told her I didn't want judgement from my family towards w and that I am humiliated. She urged me to tell them or confide in someone about it and that even if we ever did reconcile we'd be living a lie by keeping it hidden. I just don't think it's a good idea. I told her again step mil knows and I talked to my old IC about it. She recommended I start going back to IC as I haven't been since my counselor left. She told me I'm holding too much in and we've all been through a lot in a short period. Idk how to take all that. I think w is making me look unstable to her. I told her if I wouldn't have had those feelings when w was moving away with my kids on Father's Day that something would be wrong with me.

She asked about the kids, s on Father's Day, our communication, and my communication with w. Seems w is making me out to look bad and doing an okay job at it.

She said she would be visiting w next week but she wished the kids would be with her. She wants me to update her next week on how they're doing here and how the transition goes. She also wants to meet with the kids again. I know this is why w has been having them make a bunch of new friends started a camp at their school, etc. not that I don't want them to be social/active but I think w is playing this to benefit herself.

Looking forward to getting the kids back here in a bit and my next 2 weeks. Trying to stay positive.

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Kyh Offline OP
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I got the kids back this afternoon. They're talking to me on our way to get fireworks and telling me stuff. I want to scream!! S told me w is taking him to the dr to get his gluten allergy tested. He never had a classic allergy and if your not eating it it won't show. He has emotional and behavior problems related to his asd from it. When we first started the diet s was nonverbal and would drag his head around on the carpet, beat his face on the wall, scream, lost in a daze sometimes, etc. now she thinks she can go get a test and give it to him if it shows up okay. This is unbelievable, we've come too far for this! Even his teachers say they can tell when he gets it. I can't believe her. They also told me they've been around the OM. She had them stay in a camper on their trip while she stayed outside. It's sickening, she's replaced me. Meanwhile I don't know if il ever get over the damage she's done, she's crushed me. Forget her but I can't let her do these things to my kids. I feel helpless.

Sorry for the rant, I'm so upset I had to vent. Got to go enjoy my kids and try to forget this for now but I'm disgusted.

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Hi Kyh

Your W sounds a lot like mine. Tried to make me look bad, lied to the therapist about her OM. Lost all values with the kids and introduced them to things we worked years to prevent.

My kids are older and they wouldnt fall for her mania and lies. The therapist at the beginning was askng me what is wrong with me . Lol . I was all over the place, hurt, shell shocked, lost...then I took control of my emotions and in the end the therapist saw that STBXW was unstable and the kids were better with me. What I'm saying is , don't worry about how you think she is trying to make you look like the bad guy. Be the best dad you can be. Love your kids. Your W will make so many mistakes it will eventually catch up to her.

And believe me your kids willl grow to resent the OM. He's in it for himself.

As for your S. Watch over him. Your W is irrational about his diet. Continue what works for your son.
Mine offered pot to my 14yr old at the time. STBXW was against pot and hated it prior to MLC. Now offered it lol . Their minds are in left field. You need to take the lead.

All the best
Irish


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XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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Hi Kyh,

My situation is nowhere as difficult as yours, but I understand your frustration when it comes to the kids. Coming from a disfunctional family I never thought I would put my kids in a similar situation, so I'm struggling to see why H (who also comes from a messed up home) would not be jumping through any hoop known to man to ensure our kids are given a better childhood than ours was. I also feel hopeless, and even though I cannot suggest a miracle cure, I just wanted to say that I hear you, and that we are all here for you.

I'm so sorry about what you and your children are going through, I hope the justice system can be kinder to you and the kids than your wife has been.


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





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Kyh Offline OP
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So at my last meeting with the guardian attorney she said she didn't want us tattling on each other which is usually what she sees. Hopefully she was referring to w and Father's Day but she may have been talking about the email about phone calls I got from her as well.

I have to give her an update on how things are going today. I want to let her know that the transition and things have been good and we had a great 4th of July weekend but the kids are especially needy. They've been sleeping with me every night, asking to cuddle, and d is asking me to carry her in stores etc.

I'm also planning on telling her about s talking about w making him an appointment to get the gluten allergy test so she can give it to him (she knows how far we've come) without talking to me about it. I spoke with a neurologist but he said he wasn't sure. I've researched more online and there are people with sensitivities that have negative test results, I think the results speak for themself in this case. I'm wondering if her outside influences have something to do with this. I was also going to tell her the kids told me about being around the OM. I can see w lying to her about it. The attorney told me at our last meeting she would find out if w introduced them yet.

Does this (OM and diet) sound out of line? I think these are legitimate concerns but her tattling comment has me worried. I think this is going to be my last chance to say anything to her before her decision (if she hasn't made it already).

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I told guardian attorney about my concern with diet and about kids meeting OM. I hope it was the right thing to do, idk. I'm going to have to update her on the diet after tonight though.

W was in town and asked to take the kids this afternoon. I decided to talk to her about what s told me about the gluten allergy test. She told me she wouldn't do that knowing how he reacts to it and said s was asking her about why some people are allergic (that's how we've always handled it with him) and she told him about the test. Hopefully this is what happened but I have to wonder if she spoke to the attorney, just seems a little weird from what s said. Anyway she reassured me she wasnt planning on changing his diet so that is good. Since things seemed to be going well I decided to talk to her about s because I think he's having absence seizures. I am concerned because he loves swimming (of course his welfare comes first) but also because I didn't know how she'd react but it seems were on the same page and agreed not to make dr appointments/medical decisions without each other.

W ended up staying and talking for about an hour about various things, some serious, some not. I really don't know what happened tonight, she was friendly and made a couple inside jokes only her and I would find funny, we even ended up talking about when she was pregnant with s. Peek out, temp check, just a friendly update? Idk. She also asked about possibly sharing one of the dogs, idk what to think about this and didn't give her an answer. I kind of wanted to tell her to take her cats. Let's throw a couple cats in this mess, lol.

At bedtime s told me he was concerned about starting school, he was confused on where he was going to go. I just told him we weren't sure yet but if he was with me in the fall he'd go to his old school but if he was with his mom he'd go to a new school and not to worry about it since it was a long time away. It seemed to appease him but it was sad to hear.

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Kyh Offline OP
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Just updating/journaling. I had another meeting with the guardian attorney Thursday. She wanted to meet with the kids again and then her and I talked for awhile. I feel better after this meeting but she told me she still hasn't decided and wants me to email her later this week. She told me my s wants to stay at his school and was upset about leaving again but d is indifferent. She taked to me a bit about scheduling and said she would have recommended every other week if w hadn't moved. She also said that w wouldn't have to abide by her recommendation and she thought it would be best to set up mediation for the end of the month when she makes her decision. She wants me to update her later this week on how the transfer went (yesterday) and about my upcoming IC appointment. She recommended I continue conseling at our last meeting and seemed surprised when I told her I made an appointment with a new counselor when she asked about it. I decided to go, even if just monthly, as I'm holding a lot in and keep cycling through emotions (some days it feels like the wounds are fresh and reopened). I have been listening to a lot of podcasts and started a new book which has been helping me realize/reminding me what's going on with w and me but it's not always easy to hear/read and a lot seemingly doesn't apply. Mlc is a such strange beast.

S had a hard time yesterday when it was time to go. He started crying and wouldn't talk then started hitting his face on the sliding door and yelled at d. I got him calmed down and he seemed to be okay once we got going. I told w he was having a hard time when we met half way but she acted like I was making it up. I guess she doesn't want to hear it. She didn't look good either, it's crazy how she can look like she's doing well then 10 years older a few days later or vice versa.

They went to step in laws this weekend and w sent me 11 pics of the kids hiking in the mountains (places we used to go) and was friendly in her texts today. Maybe it brought up memories for her being back there, the pics did for me. Usually I only get one or two pics of the kids from her.

Kept busy today working on my car (oh the joys of British motoring). Hopefully I can finish it tomorrow. I wasn't looking forward to it at all but it kept my mind off things today and I'm saving a couple thousand so it's really not a bad thing.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

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Quote:
S had a hard time yesterday when it was time to go. He started crying and wouldn't talk then started hitting his face on the sliding door and yelled at d. I got him calmed down and he seemed to be okay once we got going. I told w he was having a hard time when we met half way but she acted like I was making it up. I guess she doesn't want to hear it. She didn't look good either, it's crazy how she can look like she's doing well then 10 years older a few days later or vice versa.

They went to step in laws this weekend and w sent me 11 pics of the kids hiking in the mountains (places we used to go) and was friendly in her texts today. Maybe it brought up memories for her being back there, the pics did for me. Usually I only get one or two pics of the kids from her.
Doesn't want to hear it? Doesn't want to hear how her choices are affecting the kids? Huh.

I think the idea of you going to counselling is the best idea ever. I'm in awe that you have the presence of mind to notice that you are holding it in. Know what? You are not crazy, which is good because your kids need you to be present and strong right now.

The pics are an odd one. I remember my ex sending me pics of the kids going places we went. We had traditions and places and oddly, the ex kept those up. Still does after all these years, from what the kids talk about. You're right, MLC is a strange beast indeed. smile

Keep your head up and in the game. It gets better in time. It's not always like this, my friend.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Thanks for stopping by AJ (and everyone else last week). I've realized quite a few things lately and think talking to a IC might help me again. I've told my family some of what's going on, I try not to say too much but I guess they need to know a little with custody and all but now I have to deal with their reactions (not responses) as well. They're also hurt and shocked. They mean well but it's not what I need.

I realized I'm not acting consist because I'm cycling through emotions and so I'm not always calm either. I need to be more stable for myself, kids, and w in case she ever comes around. I don't want to just survive.

I got more pictures from w today. She texted she wouldn't be home until late tonight and that sil (the one that lived with us until bd) was visiting and I could call then or wait and call sil's phone tonight. I thanked her and let her know I was doing an inspection so I couldn't call until tonight. She kind of apologized. I told her it wasn't a problem and thanked her again. Then she sent me pictures of the kids from this weekend and told me how they shared their life jackets with some kids afraid to swim. I thanked her for the pics and commented on how great our kids are. Then she sent a longer text about our kids and d sharing it again for a blind girl without taking a turn for herself. I thanked her again for the pics tonight and got a short friendly reply. Her texts have been a lot nicer recently and she started using emojis again.

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So w went to her parents to visit this week (left Saturday) and started texting me more than she has been starting this weekend, including pics of the kids. We spoke for a little while Monday night, only a few minutes but she was nice and more like her old self. It was weird to just say bye, I almost accidentally said love you out of habit even though idt we've spoke by phone since BD. More pics and friendly texts yesterday. Then this morning she sent a pic of the kids and said "love them." I told her it was a precious picture and that I love the kids so much too. She told me to remind her to tell me about their disagreement. We had a few more texts and then she unexpectedly called me 5-10 minutes later. She told me a story about the kids having a little fight that happened almost a week ago while at step-in laws. We talked about 15 minutes, mostly about kids, and I got to ask her how her dad was doing. She said okay and described a lot of the chemo effects. I told her to let me know if there was anything I could do for her or them. She said she didn't know what it would be then changed the subject back to the kids. She sounded a little more like her old self again in this conversation too. I told her thank you for sharing her story about the kids and that I was glad they were all having a good trip and ended it on a good note. No r talk. Then this afternoon she texted to ask me about the oil filter for her car and said she was having trouble finding somewhere to do it that would use the right oil. Wow, she was listening! Idk why she decided to do it out of town on her trip but didn't ask.

Maybe I'm thinking about this too much but it was quite a change that she called me today plus the short conversation a couple days ago. Am I seeing something with her? Idk what to think. I dont want to get my hopes up but it seems like a change as we only text.

She just called to apologize and tell me she fell asleep because she was hurting with her med issue and didn't get my text about calling the kids tonight. Then texted to apologize again after talking to the kids. She told me earlier her dad had plans for them tonight so I didn't think to much about it. Normally she would've just texted.

Idk, hopefully I'm not seeing something that's not there. I'll see if it happens again and make sure no r talk and to end things on a good note, not trying to discuss to much at once (baby steps).

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