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Tofbrks Offline OP
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I now have received a separation agreement from the web with our info put in it... With an addition of a "date" clause...
Sandi2 is this s sign of ww?...lol
What should I make of this? She wanted me to sign this crap...
I then told her if she wanted to date other people and needed to find somewhere to live. She then said if I kick her out that she will never forgive me and that I better sign something quick before she leaves..of she'll never forgive me...
What to make of all of this?


Me:47 XW 43
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Tofbrks Offline OP
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Anyone have any advice on above?

Just finished up an outing with kids and I couldn't help but be a little sad that things as a complete family are over and will never be the same or right as far as I'm concerned... 13yo daughter is heavy in rebellion... Boys Skimpy clothes , pics of questionable outfits... Bathing suit photos in bathroom being sent to boys...just when my family needs a strong parent core she decides to flake out.
I know I can pull my weight and some of hers but we need both working together , without these distractions.


Me:47 XW 43
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Originally Posted By: Tofbrks
She then said if I kick her out that she will never forgive me and that I better sign something quick before she leaves..or she'll never forgive me...


Tofbrks,

So, if you don't sign the agreement she'll leave, and regardless of whether you kick her out or if she leaves of her own accord, she'll never forgive you. Do I understand that correctly?

That kind of stuff makes me a tad angry. That said, remember that you shouldn't do anything that doodler recommends or anything that I'd actually do, but I think I'd say something like, "You'll never forgive me? Boo hoo." And then you roll the agreement up and you say something along the lines of putting it where the sun doesn't shine.

I'm sorry, but sometimes some of the stuff that I read on this forum raises my hackles.

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Tofbrks Offline OP
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No if I don't sign the agreement she can't cover her affair as far as alimony is concerned. So she was pressing for this reason I guess. Because I had tracked her car and was close to hiring a pi - both of which she either found out about or I told her - confrontation.
She was so concerned about rapping this up quickly so as she felt she couldn't go out with her friends without feeling guilty... Affair affair affair!!
Everything is in super fast forward mode ... I'm trying to slow things down without much effect. She is right now switching her phone from my plan to her parents... So I can't look at her calls on the bill.


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I see. Sorry about my rant.

What do you plan to do?

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Tofbrks Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: doodler
I see. Sorry about my rant.

What do you plan to do?



Luckily she and the kids (inlaw vacation) for the family trip I am uninvited to for a week.
Don't know if she intends to have a decision before she leaves for the beach. I'm not signing anything no matter how much she says... Well so and so did it without lawyers..
She didn't even want to have a different address... Hello state says you must have diff address to be separated... No hw done on any of this exit... Worse plan ever !!!


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Frankly, I believe if a couple is to define their M status as separated, they should live in S houses. I have not seen positive results from a so called in-house S. I have seen positive results with living in S houses.

In-house separation is the biggest cake eating ever!


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted By: sandi2
Frankly, I believe if a couple is to define their M status as separated, they should live in S houses. I have not seen positive results from a so called in-house S. I have seen positive results with living in S houses.

In-house separation is the biggest cake eating ever!

Sandi2 I have finally found proof of an affair. My family is at the beach with my inlaws. My daughter has s MacBook that she watches Netflix on. While back her phone had broken and she used the Mac to iMessage friends. While checking messages she came across messages from my sis inlaw to my w. Talking about affair and being happy. The next was between the best friend of the op and my wife. Talks of how they make each other happy and that if I "F" with op that they would kill me or my wife says she would kill me and dispose of my body easily.
Now this had to be discovered by accident by my d13. And she is angry. I am 4hrs away and unable to comfort her. We are the only ones that know she found this information, except for my close family who counsel me.
At first learning this info yesterday I was or felt empowered and strong. Today it's another story.. Empty house , knowledge of affair, slow day...cycle of ups and downs.
Went to church today , just feel as though it somewhere I need to be. She has several friends there and quickly got txt saying why are you at church ? All those Sunday's you worked or didn't go with us.. Rarely worked on Sunday and sometimes took the day off from everything since it was my only day off...to rest and recharge... Not every Sunday perhaps once a month.so I guess this is rewrite?
Kinda at a loss as what to do with my new found info... A have a week to think and let stuff play out while they are at beach.
W is still pressing for a separation agreement so she can carry on this relationship without scrutiny.? She has no where to go .. One that the kids could stay.
Should I expose my proof of affair to inlaws and others? Use it for bargaining tool?
At this time im done with M ... When your wife says she wants you dead and dispose of your body and goes on to say she'll feel no remorse... Time to run and don't look back






Me:47 XW 43
D15 D10
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Bd : Mother's Day 2015
Sep :July 2015
Divorce final October 2016
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 142
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Tofbrks Offline OP
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Sandi2 I have finally found proof of an affair. My family is at the beach with my inlaws. My daughter has s MacBook that she watches Netflix on. While back her phone had broken and she used the Mac to iMessage friends. While checking messages she came across messages from my sis inlaw to my w. Talking about affair and being happy. The next was between the best friend of the op and my wife. Talks of how they make each other happy and that if I "F" with op that they would kill me or my wife says she would kill me and dispose of my body easily.
Now this had to be discovered by accident by my d13. And she is angry. I am 4hrs away and unable to comfort her. We are the only ones that know she found this information, except for my close family who counsel me.
At first learning this info yesterday I was or felt empowered and strong. Today it's another story.. Empty house , knowledge of affair, slow day...cycle of ups and downs.
Went to church today , just feel as though it somewhere I need to be. She has several friends there and quickly got txt saying why are you at church ? All those Sunday's you worked or didn't go with us.. Rarely worked on Sunday and sometimes took the day off from everything since it was my only day off...to rest and recharge... Not every Sunday perhaps once a month.so I guess this is rewrite?
Kinda at a loss as what to do with my new found info... A have a week to think and let stuff play out while they are at beach.
W is still pressing for a separation agreement so she can carry on this relationship without scrutiny.? She has no where to go .. One that the kids could stay.
Should I expose my proof of affair to inlaws and others? Use it for bargaining tool?
At this time im done with M ... When your wife says she wants you dead and dispose of your body and goes on to say she'll feel no remorse... Time to run and don't look back


Me:47 XW 43
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Bd : Mother's Day 2015
Sep :July 2015
Divorce final October 2016
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Tofbrks, I'm so sorry your D found that info and sorry that an A has been confirmed. That's an awful comment from your W about killing you - what a dreadful thing to have written - and I'm so sorry you and your D read that.

What seems clear is that she's deep within the grip of this A and not thinking straight to write ridiculous stuff like that.

What do you do next? Well, I think you have a pretty volatile situation with an (understandably) angry and upset daughter. My guess would be that if you don't confront your W with this info in the near future, your D will.

I wouldn't involve your in laws in any way at all. If you do anything, I would link directly with your W and her only. One option might be to copy the messages that have been read and send them to her, letting her know that unfortunately your D has read these too.

What are the implications here from your end? From your POV, what is going to happen now that you have this information. What steps will you take to protect yourself (emotionally and financially) whilst your W is active in an A. These are the things to decide on and calmly communicate to her I would say.

I would encourage you to let the dust settle before you make any huge decisions (ie: to file for D. But I'd be tempted to interrupt that week at the beach with the information you have - but that's JMHO of course.

I'm sorry for how things have unfolded. Try to be the sane and calm one here and know that things will ultimately improve. It does take time, but every step forward is a step closer to a better time in your life.

Take care & I hope something here helps you smile


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We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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