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I'm mom and you feel courts favor moms (I still believe they favor the kids, not the moms) but I wasn't speaking from a legal POV.

Let's just say, worst case scenario.....

You keep 50/50, but the kids do move to the other school district. Completely hypothetical.

How does this phase you out as dad?

I imagine you would become active in that school system as well, be a coach, get to know the parents, take kids to Bday parties......

Would it be a fair move by the courts to move the kids out of their school system, absolutely not.

But it shouldn't change who you are as a dad

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The only way I can try and explain it is that XW didn't want a boyfriend, she wanted (wants) a new family. I'm not part of that picture obviously.

OM has two girls that my boys sometimes already call their sisters. Just this morning while watching a TV show, S5 identified the characters aloud as himself, his brother, his "sisters", mom and OM.

S5 tells me what XW says, what X-inlaws say to him and I'm not even mentioned.

S5 was born 10 weeks early and I was by his side in the hospital the entire time. S5 asked me recently if I was there or if OM was there, he "wasn't sure"

S5 tells me about all of the things XW and OM used to do as kids...because Xinlaws have told him. Xinlaws are best friends with OM parents so this is a blessing to all of them.

XW was giving my boys Christmas presents from OM and his FAMILY just weeks after bomb drop.

XW has taken S5 away from school events to attend OM daughter's events.

I think you get the idea....


As of December 2023
Me: 45 XW: 43
S13 S10
ILYBINILWY: 11/14/2014
OM: 11/14/2014
D process: 12/14/2014
D final: 04/2015
Joined: Oct 2014
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Hi Mvg, I'm sorry to read all of that and I can see your pain in your posts. The big thing that I would say is - no-one else is father to your kids - only you are and nothing changes that whatsoever. Divorce doesn't change that, having a new guy on the scene doesn't - it is absolute. And kids just want to spend time with their Dad and have a good R with him.

That's the part you do get to control - how close your R with them is. What you do with them, how you do it, how you are there for them. All of that is the stuff that really matters. The parts you don't get to control are how your XW parents them when they are with her, what the X-in laws say and how OM interacts with them.

I would encourage you to focus on the parts you do get to control and if you can work towards shrugging off some of the best (not easy I know, but possible) that would be best I think. Ultimately OM is 'current boyfriend' - who knows how long he may last - months, years or whatever. However, we only get one Dad...and to them, you are he.

Hope this helps a little and do take care smile x


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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(((Mvg)))

I feel your pain and your fear. Kid has never met the turd party and God (and me) forbid that she should ever be introduced to the turd and her kids.

But once, kid asked me how I would feel if the turd is good to her and she likes the turd. Let me tell you, that was one of the terrible moments when I had this all -consuming urge to smash the turd's windscreen to bits and expose her in our profession for the manipulative tramp that she is.

I didn't look too happy but I told the kid that I couldn't tell kid how she should feel. And if the turd is good to kid, at least she's not being nasty to kid.

It svcks. It really does. On your behalf, I hate the OM, your xw, your xils, for their selfish and self- serving ways.

But like what Sotto says, what happens with the xw and om is not within your control. You will always be your children's father and you can start building new and memorable traditions and routines with him.


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
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