Toast - burnt or just right

[rich4j]

How do you get a STBX to admit her affair when she is in denial?

I really need some closure as things are getting close to "the end" and she has continued to be more worried about her reputation with people and friends than being honest with me. I have had suspiciion about this from the start and I know she will claim she didn't get "engaged" physically until she filed in January.

I plan to move out by end of July so I want closure!!!

I read tons of stories here as where the cheater moves out as this is the right thing to do but I could not prove anything until in the last few months. I wish I stuck to my guns and pushed her out but did what was the right things for my D7. She did not.... this is where the anger/resentment creeps in and is hard to move on which I want to do and need to do.

[doodler]

How do you get a STBX to admit her affair when she is in denial?

rich4j,

I doubt you'll get he to admit to the affair.

My approach, and it's probably not DB, is to go buy about ten big boxes and some packing tape. Go home, with boxes and tape in hand, and tell your wife she has to choose you or the OM. If she chooses you, then she'll have to be completely transparent; no more communications with the OM. If she chooses OM, then she has to move out immediately.

Don't do what I suggested without input from others. DB does not come naturally to me, but I do hate seeing nice guys being treated so poorly.

[rich4j]

thx doodler. Too late for that....she chose the path of divorce

I am moving and she is still saying there has never been another man and if so, it was after she filed

[J5K]

Rich,

I agree I don't think you will ever get closure. Closure will come if she files for D and even then she may not admit anything. My STBX still did not admit she went away with OM for a weekend. I don't give a darn anymore if she did or did not even though I have proof she did.

Closure will only come from you healing over time.

[doodler]

rch4j,

My wife won't admit to her EA, she says it's just a friendship. She filed for divorce. I pushed her out the door.

All you have to do is tell her it's not your divorce and you're staying home and she can leave. If you give her the steely-eyed gaze, she'll know you mean business.

[rich4j]

doodler/JK

Appreciate your responses.

I wish I had gotten to this site back in october last year and your approaches would definitely have been what I followed and DB'd I think would have been much more effective

Unfortunately I am doing the right thing which seems to be a theme with some of us nice guys and doing what is right most importantly for my daughter and keeping her in the house with my STBX If she had any spine and was a decent person she would have stepped up and admitted everything and left

I am the one leaving but will do it wiht head held high and a big F U as I head out the door

[rich4j]

Journaling before hopefully a fun filled July 4th vac with some friends and D7!

It will be a month now when I will be out of the house and on my own with of course shared custody of D7. Its been a whirlwind this past week with anger, spewing and resentment coming from STBX. I just don't get it and look to those like a Sandi2 to explain or others how this happens?

It is a week of crazy ups and downs as our paperwork is done at least temporarily until we can figure out the financial mess. Things in place to protect both of us really and now IT FEELS real!

She has spewed and spewed. The craziest was in an argument about splitting up stuff she says " Well why don't you just go F*** your girlfriend then!" WHATTTT? Unfortunately I haven't been with someone since this mess happened a year ago. SHE is the one who has denied and hidden her long distance affiar! PROJECTION? I was shocked and had to laugh at her.
Then the continuous "we wouldn't be here" if you treated me fairly and nice and its all your fault.

This from a woman who has burned relationships with neighbors, family members, former work places etc....

I am excited about getting out of here but still bitter I let her push me out the door of our residence but really just thought solely about what is best for our D7. Excited about my new place although its only a few blocks from the old but did that again for my D7. Scared about the quiet, loneliness and starting over again on my own.

Have a happy and safe 4th!

[J5K]

Rich,

Enjoy your weekend my friend! Any craziness you have should be the fun you have with friends and D7!

[SH_]

Hope you have a great holiday weekend rich4j.

You seem to be handling the WW anger demonstrations pretty well. I am getting there myself with WAW. I really got over her spew on Wednesday pretty quick. Thursday and Friday went well for me and I have never felt better in the past 6 months.

Hopefully you get some time with d7 during the festivities of this weekend.
Thank you for checking in on me regularly and for your support and words to the wise as we go through our ordeals.

[rich4j]

SH

Was a great holiday Weekend with her ..D7. She misses her mom and it kills me still that we see families out during the July 4th festivities and she asks why can't mom be here?

Family...can't replace it and it hurts

BTW I needed to vent....I hate and resentment my STBX right now. Going thru that phase again!