SH, I don't know about you but while waxing is painful, it's still not quite in the league of labour pains.
I guess my point would have been better made, if I stated, the fact that women go through labour pains, (which is a pain that a man would never go through more than once and thus after Adam hypothetically doing it 1 time, there would be no human race) sets the bar high enough to handle the waxing pain with ease. Men on the other hand, we see the waxing pain as the highest end of pain we will choose to endure, and the benefit does not outweigh the pain. Pain factor scoreboard- Women 1 Men 0 LOL
Originally Posted By: JksD
But to make it more worthwhile, imagine Alexander Skarsgard in Tarzan. He was quite a hairless and drool-worthy Tarzan, easnt he?
I say special effects made him appear "drool worthy" and hairless, I mean come on, how did his hair grow so long and he did not even have a 5 o'clock shadow for a beard. Total Hollywood special effects and photo shop. HAHA I will have to take your word on his "drool worthy" appearance that as I was more interested in watching Margot Robbie and her drool worthy performance.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
SH, thanks for the giggles. Not such a bad way to end my day.
And a nice mental image of Tarzan to go to bed with.
Though I was drooling over Alexander (yup, we're on first name basis in my dreams), I do agree with you that Margot Robbie is quite a looker as well. We've both got good taste, haven't we?
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
You guys have me in stitches over here! I have been giggling so hard I've been snorting. So embarrassing, lol!
I spent the day hanging out with my best friend/cousin. I went and had my eyebrows threaded and found a great waxing parlor which I will be using next week. I now live in a state where the cost of living is cheaper and it reflects across the board, including the waxing prices. WOOT!
JksD, I read DR but did not read DB, I never read the term "piecing" until coming to this board and figured it was coined in DB. I have read Gottman's books, Surviving the Affair, How to Help you spouse heal from your affair (Took WH 6 months to read it and he did it halfheartedly)and about a 1000 hours of online stuff, lol! So far the DBing book was the most invaluable source, good concrete advice and what I could DO something as opposed to expecting WH to do things. I spent too much time waiting for him to become remorseful and not enough focus on healing myself.
SH, The funny thing is, I've never been into eye candy. I used to think something was wrong with me when I was a teenager because I never ogled the guys that other girls were going nuts over. I still only admire a well built man from a medical POV. Now brains...mmmm sexiest organ in the body. I am a nerd and am attracted to nerds, lol.
WH and I just spent 1.5 hrs on the phone chatting and goofing off. It's almost bizarre, it's like we're dating or something. Every now and then we will talk about serious stuff but mostly we were just relaxing and talking about cars, houses, tv shows etc., He says he misses us and wish he was home with us. He says he misses touching me and finds himself thinking about me when listening to certain songs. I am feeling positive but also very guarded still.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Today was a great day. A friend and her mother came by and hung out in the afternoon/evening and I ordered pizza and sides. It seems like such a small thing to hold someone's baby but it gives me a huge break when I am solo parenting. They took turns holding my baby while I bathed the older kids and getting them sorted for bed. After I put the kids to bed they called it a night and headed home.
WH called and told me he was heading to the mosque after work to say his evening prayers and then having dinner there as well. He said he would go home afterward and then probably got to bed. I kind of rushed him off the phone as I still had visitors. I also felt like I needed a little space as my mind has been ruminating over the affair that rekindled in April. I don't know why but the fact that they used a secret second cell phone is really bothering me. For some reason I didn't think WH was that cunning so it makes me thinking about ever trusting him again very difficult. If he was capable of such sneakiness how will I ever know if he is being honest? HE has even offered to take a polygraph AND pay for it. I guess that should be proof enough about his honesty. He has offered to give every detail I ask but I haven't asked more than the basics (timeline and how may times they had sex) because minutiae just makes the mind movies worse. I feel strangely divided, part of me feels very hopeful and ready to walk the road of reconciliation...the other part of me wonders if I should be so foolish to stay married to this two time cheater for the rest of my life?
The onus of proof is on WH and over time...lots of time. Part of me feels like I am plan B. After all the OW broke it off with WH over month before I found out about their resumption of the affair. But I don't want to raise my children alone and I definitely don't want to bring another man into my children's lives in the future. For now I am in the now, taking this moment by moment and trying not to let my rage cloud my ability to DB properly. It's so hard though, my God, so hard.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
You are not plan B. The OW is an opportunistic person who happened to be at the wrong place at the right time.
You are the only plan. You are the one strong enough to continue on this path, regardless of the pain your WH has put you through. OW would never be able to do what you're doing.
I understand that the fear is there and it will be there for a long time. But you know you're strong enough to live without H and I guess your WH knows that too.
Sara, keep on keeping on. If your H is showing through his actions that he's willing to try, maybe you could trust but verify.
You've come so far. I am sure you can go further.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Thank you so much JksD, I needed a pick-me-up talk. I tend to lose focus sometimes when I ruminate too much about the details of the affair. It was out of my control and I still can't control WH's thoughts or backwards rationalizations. (last night he told me he HAD to lie during April because he felt he needed to support me felt honesty would have broke me...umm sure there, fella) He also said he loved me and I was the perfect wife but he lacked the "spark" of being "in love" with me. Sigh. Do these waywards ever get a clue? Do they think love is like the movies? It reflects immense emotional immaturity.
Today I spent the entire day at my mother's house and the kids swam in her pool. We also had a bbq and the kids ate until they were ready to burst. Despite 2 applications of high SPF sunscreen I still managed to burn. The kids are brown skinned so they did great, they also were coated in sunscreen. WH called a few times and I sent him pics of the kids swimming. I am tired but content. The kids barely made it through their bed time routine before passing out. Tomorrow they go back to summer camp (swim lessons, lots of educational play, yummy food) and I sign my contract for my new job.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Well this morning the day started out somewhat dramatically. WH called me while he as driving to work and we initially were chatting lightly, somehow it turned into a R conversation with very mixed results. At the beginning of the convo I mentioned I was scheduling an IC session for myself, WH mentioned he would probably see the same counselor for IC since we may turn it into MC (she is the highest qualified MC in this city as per her credentials.) WH asked her rates and was floored when I told him how much, I jokingly mentioned it was cheaper than divorce. He asked how much divorce cost and when I gave him the ballpark figure he was stunned. I guess he expected a divorce to be cheap and easy. I explained that we both come to the table with significant assets (we're both physicians) and three very young children. I reminded him how much his sister's divorce was (30K) and that was with very little assets but two small children.
During this part of the convo it somehow evolved into him talking about mixed up he is about "us." HE talked about how he fell in love with OW and how he has never felt the "in love" feeling with me. Again he spoke how he "had no choice" about falling in love with the OW because I wasn't giving him what he needed and that he couldn't control his feelings. I told him that the affair was due to a series of choices on his behalf, that he chose to be alone with another female, that he chose to spend more and more time alone when developing feelings for her, that he then chose to confess his feelings with her. HE did this all secretly without telling me any of it. I tried to remain calm but slipped a little. I told him there were many times when I didn't feel fulfilled in our marriage but I did not seek it from outside. I told him the moment he started feeling something for another woman that he should I told him that the "in love" feeling comes and goes during a relationship and can be rekindled but it was not reasonable to expect that feeling to be in place 24/7 for the duration of the relationship.
At one point it devolved into an argument and I had to step back and even told him we needed to stop talking since the conversation had gone off the rails. He was so angry when I told him I wasn't happy in our relationship before the affair and he didn't give me all I needed. He truly believes he was a good husband to me before the affair and that he had no real "problems." Sigh. Such a looooong way to go. He still has such immaturity and lack of insight into his own poor coping skills. I ended up shutting my mouth and going back to pure validation. It's frustrating because I feel like I can't talk about my pain or anger without him getting angry and defensive. MY DB coach says it's all in how you say it. How do I phrase, "You cheated because you chose to cheat. Absolutely nothing I did or didn't do MADE you cheat. There is something very broken inside you to choose to cheat on your pregnant wife"? Because I've said exactly that and also reframed it other ways to no avail.
Meanwhile I am still getting myself situated, changing my driver's license to my state, begin going to the gym tomorrow, I have an IC this Friday. I am still working on me, trying to heal and be the best Sara I can be.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
I can relate. I had a convo today with STBX and cannot follow the bouncing ball either. No matter if I DB or use tough love, nothing seems to matter. More details to come on my thread. Sometimes I feel that the D should just happen. It may just be better that way and continue to be the lighthouse and have a little hope that they return.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
Jim, Be the lighthouse because you are that kind of man. Strong, moral and calm...the lighthouse is rooted and steady, it does not react to the boats no matter how rough the seas.
I should take my own advice. Today was a very busy day but my stupid brain still ruminated over the affair. WH was unaware as I kept it light and easy during our phone calls. But inside I find myself seething with resentment and rage. I even started going to the gym today and ran myself to exhaustion just trying to distract myself. I was somewhat short and curt with the kids tonight and felt guilty afterward. In the end I just chalked it up to a sad/ad day and called it a wash. Tomorrow will be a new day and I can start over again. The important thing is I did not react nearly as angrily as I used to when spiraling. I really have come a long way from last October where I was barely functional. I remember staring at a patient's chart shortly after dday and it was like it was written in a foreign language. I stood there reading it for 10 minutes and it didn't register. Finally I went to the rest room and cried. That was how bad it was. I cry about once a week now and can confine it to times when I am alone. So...points for that.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
