Stages of grief

[Phoebe]

Yes, Miss Karma has been out visiting a few WH's lately, it seems. Certainly she has visited ours, Painter. It's hard to feel badly for them, given that their problems are all of their own making.

I just finished some journaling on my thread. Finally managed to write it out again after the digital disappearance of my last version. : )

The world really is one big ridiculous soap opera circus. I

Sleep well, Painter!

[Painter]

I'm trying to get WH to do what he had promised to do to get my possessions moved here. It's like pulling teeth - but it usually is when I need something (can someone's love language actually be Passive Aggressive?). For some reason, he doesn't seem to think I should move all of my stuff now - but it would be more expensive to split it up.

I couldn't get a hold of him all day, and eventually found out he had been out jetskiing with OW. He sounded more relaxed than I had heard him since she moved in. Obviously, they have made up and she's not moving out at this point.

Clearly I was more invested in her potential departure than I thought. I was surprised when he told me about it to begin with because I thought it would have lasted longer, maybe years, but I realize that it also got my hopes up. I'm not even sure for what - I know the M wasn't what it should have been for a long time. I guess I just hate that she has stolen my life.

[Painter]

I was still angry this morning so I decided to go to a 12-step meeting (Adult Children of Alcholics). It was really helpful, my anger just melted away and I also had a great hour of conversation with a young woman afterwards.

If you have any opportunity to go to a 12-step meeting - and there's so many varieties - I highly recommend it. You may find a connection there that can match the one you're missing from your WS.

[SH_]

Very good advice painter. Very good advice indeed.
Thank you for sharing this. Many could stand to try something like this.
I applaud and commend you for identifying an emotional challenge and then doing something about it.

It is good to hear that it benefited you.

Be well this evening and may you continue to feel the peaceful feelings you worked to achieve today.

[Painter]

I've had lots of personal business to take care of today, on top of a very intense deadline schedule for a parttime job that is currently taking all of my time.

The move of my stuff that's been in storage since I left is arranged for next week. I want it out of there so there's no ties anymore. Once that is done, I have no reason to be in contact with WH anymore and I feel very ready for that.

Some interesting information was shared with me today, by WH's ExW (the one immediately before me). She told me that he cheated on her with OW as well. It makes complete sense when she said it, because I know that he met ExW before he worked at the place where he met OW. I don't know why I believed him when he said it was just before he met ExW. She also told me about other OWs I'm not so sure about (she's not entirely reliable) but some of them could be true. I recognized some of the names.

I'm a little sickened by this. I wonder why ExW stayed with him when there was serial cheating so early on, before they were married or had kids. I wouldn't have, at that age (she was 20).

[Painter]

3 hours of sleep with meds? That's not good...

Talked to WH (he gets up early and woke at the same time) and he admitted the A with OW while he was with ExW and couldn't remember ever having said otherwise. He very specifically told me before that he was with OW right before he met ExW, so he portrayed it as not cheating. Such a web of lies. Then he added that ExW cheated on him first. I reminded him that two wrongs don't make a right and many people do terrible things.

He gets upset by my questions. Tough. No, I'm not DB'ing, this is just me processing without any concern about what it does to our R. Don't try this at home, folks!

It's sad to see how this had messed up the kids. Both of them have to engage in make- believe to cope.

[Phoebe]

Painter, the man is long gone and you neither want nor need him anyway. Do whatever you need to get yourself through this, good DBing or not.

I'll be right here processing my way along with you because I'm at the same point. I just want it over with. I found out that my H has has some type of A with at least SEVEN women, at least two of which were before he walked away from me. And he cheated on the latest one, too, so plainly there is a lot of pathology there. You can't help but feel sorry for a person who is so screwed up, but it's his life to ruin.

((((((Painter))))))

[Painter]

Today was a nice and peaceful day. Met a friend from a meetup for early coffee, then did some prep for a temp job I start later in August. Some training next week. This is a place I had a temp job last time I visited here a couple of years ago, so it'll be a piece of cake.

Worked the rest of the day, took the dog to the dog park with son, then cooked a lovely dinner and watched Whisky Tango Foxtrot starring Tina Fey. It was funny and very good - a tiny bit of romance and some infidelity, but nothing difficult.

Slow weekend ahead, a little work, an outing to some sunflower fields, a little shopping. I bought a raincoat and little booties online for my dog today.

Wishing us all a calm weekend.

Phoebe, at some point it becomes so absurd and horrendous that I think it makes it almost easier to check out. For me, the more I learn, the more I see that this is not the person I thought I was married to.

[Zues126]

Hey Painter. I've been reading a lot but have trouble posting much, like there's some kind of inertia. The boards can do that to you sometimes, it's the same story everywhere, you just get sick after a while and can't look at it anymore.

I know the disgust you feel. It would be like if you were camping, and slowly waking up in the morning, and you felt something in the sleeping bag and thought it was your puppy, then you woke up and found out it was a snake crawling in your bed...you'd just jump up and try to fling the thing as far away as possible or get a lot of distance. Then you'd want a good shower and you'd feel a little shaken because it isn't the nicest way to start your day.

I started a rant but will move that to my thread on surviving. I'll just say that while disgust may not be the noble reaction to humanity, if it helps you detach and protect yourself it ain't all bad. Sorry he is such a snake painter.

[Rose888]

You are being very unfair to snakes, Zues! ;-)