Hello, I have been researching here lately waiting on the Divorce Remedy book. I have also read the first chapter online. I will tell my situation and hope for some ideas.
I am in a same sex relationship. We have been together 9 years and married 1. In Feb. my wife started acting distant and she said she was just tired and unhappy. I checked the phone records and I found several calls (some being late night) from the same number. I researched who it was at it was a co-worker. When I asked if she was seeing someone she denied it several times until I told her about the phone records.
She said they had an emotional connection but it was not physical. I was devestated like most of us are...I thought she stopped but I found more call the next month. In our relationship we never faught, argued or anything like that...we have all the same interests, hobbies, and same group of friends. We went to counseling twice but I didn't think it would help if she is still having the emotional A...she continued to go because I think she is having a MLC.
So she then proceeds to tell me she doesn't know what she wants, continues to text the girl, we are on summer break right now but saw her for like an hour at work each day...she moved out in May to "find herself and figure out what she wants"....
I was doing all the wrong things until I found this board. I know that we can't repair things until she gets out of her affair fog....I started to detach and not talk about our relationships, the OW, beg, phone, text, etc. She is in another state at the moment visiting family for a month. She has actually called me several times and we talked for an hour each time and I have always waited for her to text first. She used to just text before. After she moved out she contacted me to meet her several times a week for dinner...I did not suggest any of that, just waiting on her.
She said we just stopped talking in November and she started talking to the OW and now she feels an attachment to her.
Am I doing the right things or should I not communicate at all so that she gets out of her fog??
Thanks for the advice!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
So here is my story...I am in a same sex relationship. Wife and I have been together 9 years, married 1 year. The past year she has had some major changes, marriage, quit coaching, got master's, mother diagnosed with cancer. We were married in April. I found out in Feb. she was having an emotional A with a coworker. I thought it had ended but found phone records. She says she doesn't know what she wants, blah blah...mind you I thought we had the best relationship, no fights or arguments, liked the same thing.
She continues to text this OW and before our summer break she saw her like an hour a day at work. She moved out in May to see if she could "figure out what she wants". I did all the wrong things before reading this board and the first chapter of DR book. I begged, pleaded, blah blah. She is in another state this month and I have tried not to text first, etc. She has actually called me and we have talked more than normal. She still texts all day but she always initiates it....anyhow before she left she also wanted to meet up for dinners a few times a week.
I know she is still texting the OW....so do I quit communicating (she said this was our problem) or just keep talking and texting and just keep it short. I know she has to get out of the affair fog to make our marriage work.
thanks!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
If she complained of lack of communication in the past, I would caution you against going totally dark. Letting her initiate all communication is good. Be cordial and neighborly while keeping it brief.
Be aware that she could be temperature checking you as a way of keeping you interested/engaged. She wants to be sure you are available as plan B in case things don't work out with this EA.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Thank you. Thats why I haven't gone totally dark since the lack of communication was an issue she says. I also think she is trying to keep me engaged/interested. Can I call at any time?
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
I am still waiting on my DR book....while the wife is out of town I have tried doing a 180...she seems to be responding by texting and calling me more often. I know she is still having an EA...I have kept all talks positive and acting like I am very happy. Is there anything more I can do at this point? She wants to text alot about herself and her family which is fine but I have tried to respond with short answers.
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Just an update...the wife has been out of town with her family for most of June, she comes back tonight but will be in the rental place she moved into in May. I have stopped all initiating communication and this has caused her to text me more often it seems. I am keeping my answers short and keep focusing on her on not me. The thing is I am sure she is still texting her EA partner as well. Keep on being patient?? I would go totally dark but lack of communication was our problem. Thanks for the input! P.S. I got DR and read the infidelity chapter first and then read 1-5. Great info!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
hawker, please don't take this the wrong way, but in some ways I would think you have and advantage over the rest of us. You being in a same sex marriage you would know how the female mind works. As a male I don't have that advantage, if you know what I mean.
M 55 W 52 MR 32 T 34+ D29 BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email) No EA/PA August 23 - DB used against me in every way Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
Hahaha, I did not take that the wrong way....its hard for me to know what she is thinking because she is not the person I married at the moment and I would never think of having an affair. (She always used to say this as well though) If it were me I would be scared to lose the security of what we had but she is liking the thrill of the EA. I am continuing to GAL and have detached emotionally so I feel good about that, I have to continue living my life for me and not worry about what she is doing. In DR it says to remain patient if the other person is not wanting to work on the MR at this time....if that is what you want...
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Hahaha, I did not take that the wrong way....its hard for me to know what she is thinking because she is not the person I married at the moment and I would never think of having an affair. (She always used to say this as well though) If it were me I would be scared to lose the security of what we had but she is liking the thrill of the EA. I am continuing to GAL and have detached emotionally so I feel good about that, I have to continue living my life for me and not worry about what she is doing. In DR it says to remain patient if the other person is not wanting to work on the MR at this time....if that is what you want...
That is the part I have to keep telling myself. I try to take it day by day, but when I think this could take months I sometimes wonder if I have the strength to do that.
M 55 W 52 MR 32 T 34+ D29 BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email) No EA/PA August 23 - DB used against me in every way Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
Thank you. Thats why I haven't gone totally dark since the lack of communication was an issue she says. I also think she is trying to keep me engaged/interested. Can I call at any time?
Hi Hawker,
How has your reading been going? I'm guessing you have received the DR book you ordered by now.
Yes, she is trying to keep you engaged/interested so she knows you are a viable plan B in case things with AP don't work out.
I'm here at Michele's office 8-5 mountain time most days.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Oh hawker, your story breaks my heart. My situation was similar - together 9 years when all this started, and my W (we never actually married) had an emotional affair with a co-worker that turned physical. And that was a disaster. She regrets it completely. Feels humiliated and ashamed that she did it. Says it was a huge mistake. Is sincerely so, so sorry for the pain she caused. Went through depression, paranoia, loss of self-esteem, etc. And I nearly lost it when it all came down. Don't know how I even survived, but I did.
In my experience, they get bored and then along comes that mysterious other person who thinks they are just perfect! Often it's partly because that op is bored or lonely or something, and looking for someone to make them feel better. So they get together and start to talk about their woes. Oh, W and I just don't communicate anymore; there's no intimacy; we fight "all the time"; she's just so manipulative, narcissistic, selfish -- fill in the blank. It's all b.s. It's a way out that seems easy but is often much, much harder in the long run. They are unable to see because of the fog that the grass isn't greener on the other side... it's greener where you water it -- or where the sh*t is, if you like the fertilizer analogy!
The best thing I did, in addition to this forum, was find a divorce support group. I made so many friends through the group -- even found someone in that group who is an inspiration on here -- Pink -- and we became friends.
Figure out a way to GAL. Don't pressure her. Be kind. Don't go dark, but you can go dim because, gosh, you're just so busy with your exciting life that you can't always get back to her right away!
I wish you all the luck in the world. XO
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
OMG NYGal, thank you so so much!!! This is exactly the situation I am in!!!! She says she feels so bad and just cries all the time and says one day she knows what she wants and one day she doesnt, all our friends and family love me, blah blah..
Yes she had a bit of low self-esteem and quit coaching which she did for years, her mother got sick and we had issues with my best friend (alcohol) that took alot of my time away...she started talking to a co-worker and boom....ugh...I hope the fog will wear off soon...lol...its been 6 months!!
I quit pressuring her and I told her I have to let you go....I'm going dimmer because I have that exciting life to live!!! :)))
Thanks again!!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Ok well there the similarities end. W coached college WBB!
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
How are things, hawker? Hang in there. I hope your W comes around, and I hope she does it before she digs a deeper hole. I wish I could have W talk to her. As coaches they speak the same language, and W is SO remorseful about the choices she made.
Don't let W think you are just waiting for her. Have fun, live it up, and do your crying in private, or with trusted friends who won't tell W.
Post on others' threads, so they'll find yours, and then the advice will come pouring in.
I hope Wonka finds you. She's family, and is a legend around here.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Hey NYGal...I am hanging in there...I hope she comes around as well...I am trying to have fun and cry in private! Yes, I have read alot of Wonka's posts, she is a legend...thanks for checking in I appreciate your posts!!!
Yes, coaches have a special language...who knows if my W would listen now anyway though!!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Hawk, you're still in "the early days" as we say. It takes a while for them to figure things out. It sounds like it could happen for you the same way it happened for me -- that you'll make it back together. She's in a fog for sure, and it takes a while for the fog to clear. Don't be too available, and GAL. Be your beautiful, fun self whenever you're out and certainly whenever she might see you or hear about you. Are you on FB or some other social media?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Well we will see...yes she is in a total fog...I will try to be patient...I won't be too available even though I stink at that haha....but I am getting out and doing stuff. Yes, I am on FB and have been sure to post the fun I am having hahaha....plus when school starts she will see me there a few times a week....thanks for the advice!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Do you work at the same place? Another parallel if so... All three of us (me, W and ow) work at the same place. It's crazy. Luckily I rarely see ow. The last time I did, I swear, she stopped right outside the window I was facing to carry on a conversation with someone she was walking with. There was NO reason for them to stop right there. I am certain she just wanted to torment me. My hands were shaking for quite some time after that NYGal Smith on FB.
I am so optimistic that you will work things out, I really am.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Well, I travel to several different schools, I go to my W's school twice a week for an hour a day...I have my own class there but if I have a student that goes into her class I check in with her or the other teacher. Yes the OW works at my W's school as well up in the office up front but my W is doing some Admin stuff upfront for 1 period so they see each other....I never have to see the OW so that is fine by me. Yes, we are parallel....we had also gone out with the OW and her W at the time before their A started to a football game...real nice...
I am glad you are optimistic...I am some days and then some days not
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Yeah, we entertained the ow (I never capitalize that awful nomenclature) at our home, and went out with her after a couple of WBB games. I considered her if not a friend, at least someone I was friendly with. Until she decided to see if she could take my W away! Have you talked to ow's W? Ugghh... it gets so complicated. Would love to share more...
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Ya, I wasn't friends with her either but she hung out a few times....yes until she decided she wanted my W as well...No I have not talked to the OW's W because they got divorced in December....a month later her W and mine began the chatting.....
It is complicated...I would love to hear more!!!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Oh great, so they are bonding over a troubled marriage. Blech. I'm sorry to hear that ow got divorced. Same for my sitch. ow left her long-term (13 years?) BOYfriend. Then there was all the bonding over how awful their respective partners were... and one thing led to another. Would love to share more details. I've become friends with many of the people who post or posted on here. FB
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Young children can be a tough addition to the mix. Does your W want a child? She sure sounds confused, not at all like she's ready to jump into this thing with ow.
Yes, see what I wrote a few posts ago. I keep looking for the request.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
So ny gal, I did good yesterday keeping myself busy. Didn't even think about texting the W. Then at 6:30 pm she texted me about her mom.s health, her day and that she was going out with a guy friend to catch up....I waited and tried to keep answers short..... This is an area I need to work on!!! Lol
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I am doing ok...I went all weekend without contact and yesterday I made the mistake of answering her texts because she kept asking questions about my family and our friends...ugh...back to going dim today!!
Is it normal for the WW to not want to talk with the friends who were hers first and then became mine? They have been friends since they grew up....they are all supporting me...that is probably why I would assume....
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Why are you looking at her emails? this will only hurt you! You can do it!!! I un-followed my W on Facebook, I refuse to look at her snaps, seeing who she's with and what she's doing only hurts!
Oh darnit, that's not good. So she's still seeing her? Then I'd say go super dim. Don't give her the pleasure of your company. As long as this A is going on, you need to stay away so she misses you. Especially while she's away with her. Remember, my W went on vacay with ow to a tropical warm country in April, and while there she missed me. So let's keep our fingers crossed that she'll become disenchanted with ow when she realizes she's not as warm or loving or fun or honest or loyal or whatever as you. BTW, how did you see the email?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I know....ugh...ok, I will go super dim now....yes that is all I can hope for is that when they spend time together she will see its not like how we were...ummm..i snooped...LOL...I know you aren't supposed to but I wanted to see if they were still seeing each other...I guess I know...
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
I would have snooped, too. And I'd be really cold if I found that out. Is she denying that they are together?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
who uses email now a days when there's texting?! In other news, I've looked back at NYGal and your posts.
NYGAL in some post you said don't be a doormat, or plan b. I'm struggling with finding a medium, I don't know how to stop being plan b. My W pulls me in when I begin to "dim" I have a SD and obviously I am helpful with her and stuff, my friend thinks by helping with her I'm being her doormat. But, I don't want to not help with my SD because I don't want OUR relationship to suffer. Help i need to not be a doormat or plan B.
The fact of the matter is, we are all plan B when they chose the OP or even another life when there is no OP. I came to realize that. Being plan B and being a doormat, however, are two different. Helping with your SD is helping your SD, not W, and it's helping preserve your relationship with SD. That's important.
The thing that happens on here is that sometime people think they have to be mean and inconsiderate and cold and a jerk, and that's what not being a doormat is. Read Divorce Remedy again and again. MWD does NOT talk about being a jerk. She talks about being nice! And about taking care of ourselves, and having a life, and setting some boundaries. Her message is NOT - and I can't stress this enough -- to be an a$$hole to our spouses!!! If you want to "win", be a jerk and you'll be able to be self-righteous. If you want your M, be the kind of person your spouse would be a fool to leave. That person is a good and a loving person -- even if sometimes the loving is given to ourselves.
I hope that makes sense. Re-read DR and talk to a coach.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Yes, I don't want to be anyone's plan B or a doormat but I will still be considerate....but I need to make sure the set boundaries are not overstepped.
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
I read a thread between you two, Question what do I do when she temperature checks? example, two days ago she texted asking if she could water the grass (I've always taken care of the yard, and still do) example 2. she texted me to let me know she cleaned the cat's litter box. (yes, he's my cat but resides in the house) -is this a temp check? so many new words and stuff I'm learning! My W does initiate contact when I am "dim" most of the day, or for more than a day.
I am most certainly not a jerk, but because I am kind and being the best Clearte I can be - am I being a doormat? my close friend seems to think so. This doormat thing's still foggy.
I do want to make sure if she does bring up D or permanent Separation that she leaves the best Clearte she's known.
A week or so ago she told me through tears she's proud of who I'm becoming, that she sees the Me she fell in love with but that she was still confused and wasn't sure we'd be reconciling. (In the beginning she told me she was sure we would not reconcile)
She texted today but I was mad about the email so I stayed dim. She said she was having a bad emotional day.....hmmm could be cuz u are planning a trip with ur AP while still married??
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Clearte sometime friends want to see you happy and not get taken advantage of so that is probably why they say the doormat comment. Listen to people on here since we are all here for they same reason
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
I've read your entire thread. And I'm very sorry both of your are here. I'm just starting down this path with my W as well. I will be following your posts
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
A doormat is taken advantage of. A nice person does what she can do to help, on her own terms, and only as much as she wants to. And she probably doesn't do much while there is an AP.
Hawk, IDK what you should do, but I think it's important that W knows you know, and that she knows it's NOT OK with you. And by that I mean you can't ask her not to go on this trip with ow, or whatever it is, but you can say, you know what? As long as you're seeing her, I'm no longer interested in hearing about your day or what's up with you or if you are having a bad day. You're not there when I'm having a bad day, and in fact your A is causing my bad days. So I need some time alone right now to figure out what I want MY future to look like. I've got some choices I need to make. Let's dome up with a strategy, ok? I'm not quite sure yet if this is the best strategy for you, but I'm thinking this is the direction you want to take. Otherwise, it sounds like you're just waiting in the wings and she knows it.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
And btw, if you want to see the dogs, I'll let you know when you can come by, because I don't want to see you right now.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I agree NYGal...I know she knows I am waiting in the wings...ok, lets think of a strategy..haha...I have not done a good job of making her miss me so you are right about not hearing about her days.....I'll wait to hear from you to see if that is what I should do...maybe I should do the need time to figure out what choices I need to make....
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
I used to get the random temp checking texts and phone calls all the time and I must say it gave me great hope.
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
You can always just say you know ow is still in her life and as long as that's the case you need to start making some decisions about your future. And don't be home when she comes to see the dogs. She has to miss you or what's the motivation to come home?
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I have a question while reading other people's sitch...the WW always seem to be mad at the LBS saying that they caused all of this....my W has never blamed me, she says it is all her fault, no one understands, she is so sorry...blah blah....is this just the guilt talking?
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
I have a question while reading other people's sitch...the WW always seem to be mad at the LBS saying that they caused all of this....my W has never blamed me, she says it is all her fault, no one understands, she is so sorry...blah blah....is this just the guilt talking?
I'm not sure. My W blames me for everything right now, even her feeling guilty and refuses to take any responsibility for any of this right now.
But I am curious to know what more experienced DBer's have to say about this...
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
Yes me 2....she has always felt guilty...before I found out about the EA she was acting distant and angry though...maybe it was the whole "I got caught" and not sure what she wanted...idk
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
No. It's true. She is confused and she will most likely come back to you if you follow DB to a tee. But watch out. If you take her back too easily she might lie and cheat all over again. That's been my experience the last 33 hours or so. It's awful. Beyond words
11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker Reconciling since late April 2016 Don't give up until it's time, then move on Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
I haven't followed DB to a tee and I am wondering after what happened to you if the A needs to play out...but I might not be around when and if that ever happens....I'm gonna keep GAL and working on myself...went to cosmic bingo last night with friends...it was a good time, haven't been out that late in years...lol...Also listened to some Ted talks...Amy Cuddy...good stuff...
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
Spent yesterday with friends all day long...it was a good day, went out to brunch and then dinner....its difficult to not have my W there since we used to do that all the time but it gets easier each time...gotta keep on keeping on....
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
I agree, at first it was extremely hard for me to do the things that W and I used to do together, but now it's a mild discomfort and after a few minutes I forget about it almost completely.
Good work!
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
Thanks Maybeep...I actually did forget about it after awhile as well. Thanks for encouragement...I need to be like you and do a better job at the dim/dark though...ughhhhh
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
I won't lie it's extremely hard for me to stay dark. What helps me is: If I feel like I miss her and want to contact her and I think about the reason why I'm missing W, then I just remind myself that she's not that person right now.
Or, I try to remind myself of all the reasons I decided to go dark in the first place.
it helps, I mean it hurts in it's own way but it does help.
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
W:32 M:26 T:5 yrs M: 3 yr BD: JUN 2016 W Moved out: early JUL 2016 W Filed for D: mid JUL 2016 EA: 06/16? PA: 07/16 Moved in w/ ow: 07/16 D final: 10/16
Went out with one of my friends for dinner...had a few beers...I am missing my W alot tonight..so I am on here so that I don't text her.....thanks for the support everyone!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
lol I forget we are spoiled here. where I live there's a lot of breweries and we generally drink local beers. I like sour beers, lagers, and most coffee stouts
