Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 12 1 2 3 4 11 12
Cadet #2687494 06/25/16 08:20 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
R
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
Just to echo Cadet , the homework he provided to you is priceless I'm not a vet by any means so just offering my support.

Post often as more people will support and advise you. This can be a long road so get into that homework

Take care. Rd

Cadet #2687500 06/25/16 08:43 AM
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 700
H
hawker Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 700
I have read all the links you have sent me smile I will just let my actions speak for me at this point..


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

rd500 #2687523 06/25/16 11:13 AM
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 700
H
hawker Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 700
Thank you, I am going to keep reading and posting! I value anyone's input! Thanks Cadet for all your links!!


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

hawker #2688091 06/28/16 02:43 PM
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 700
H
hawker Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 700
Just an update...the wife has been out of town with her family for most of June, she comes back tonight but will be in the rental place she moved into in May. I have stopped all initiating communication and this has caused her to text me more often it seems. I am keeping my answers short and keep focusing on her on not me. The thing is I am sure she is still texting her EA partner as well.
Keep on being patient?? I would go totally dark but lack of communication was our problem.
Thanks for the input!
P.S.
I got DR and read the infidelity chapter first and then read 1-5. Great info!


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

hawker #2688097 06/28/16 03:01 PM
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 293
R
RDS Offline
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 293
hawker, please don't take this the wrong way, but in some ways I would think you have and advantage over the rest of us. You being in a same sex marriage you would know how the female mind works. As a male I don't have that advantage, if you know what I mean. smile


M 55 W 52
MR 32 T 34+
D29
BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out
ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email)
No EA/PA
August 23 - DB used against me in every way
Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
RDS #2688100 06/28/16 03:14 PM
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 700
H
hawker Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 700
RDS,

Hahaha, I did not take that the wrong way....its hard for me to know what she is thinking because she is not the person I married at the moment and I would never think of having an affair. (She always used to say this as well though) If it were me I would be scared to lose the security of what we had but she is liking the thrill of the EA. I am continuing to GAL and have detached emotionally so I feel good about that, I have to continue living my life for me and not worry about what she is doing. In DR it says to remain patient if the other person is not wanting to work on the MR at this time....if that is what you want...


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

hawker #2688104 06/28/16 03:35 PM
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 293
R
RDS Offline
Member
Offline
Member
R
Joined: May 2016
Posts: 293
Originally Posted By: hawker
RDS,

Hahaha, I did not take that the wrong way....its hard for me to know what she is thinking because she is not the person I married at the moment and I would never think of having an affair. (She always used to say this as well though) If it were me I would be scared to lose the security of what we had but she is liking the thrill of the EA. I am continuing to GAL and have detached emotionally so I feel good about that, I have to continue living my life for me and not worry about what she is doing. In DR it says to remain patient if the other person is not wanting to work on the MR at this time....if that is what you want...


That is the part I have to keep telling myself. I try to take it day by day, but when I think this could take months I sometimes wonder if I have the strength to do that.


M 55 W 52
MR 32 T 34+
D29
BD May 8, 2016 - She moved out
ILYBNILWY May 15 (Through email)
No EA/PA
August 23 - DB used against me in every way
Divorce July 18, 2017 - Life is getting better every day
RDS #2688114 06/28/16 04:43 PM
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 700
H
hawker Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
H
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 700
I totally am with you on that RDS!!!!


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

hawker #2690291 07/12/16 09:42 AM
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,121
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,121
Originally Posted By: hawker
Thank you. Thats why I haven't gone totally dark since the lack of communication was an issue she says. I also think she is trying to keep me engaged/interested. Can I call at any time?


Hi Hawker,

How has your reading been going? I'm guessing you have received the DR book you ordered by now.

Yes, she is trying to keep you engaged/interested so she knows you are a viable plan B in case things with AP don't work out.

I'm here at Michele's office 8-5 mountain time most days.

Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Cristy #2691195 07/18/16 03:38 PM
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 1,415
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 1,415
Oh hawker, your story breaks my heart. My situation was similar - together 9 years when all this started, and my W (we never actually married) had an emotional affair with a co-worker that turned physical. And that was a disaster. She regrets it completely. Feels humiliated and ashamed that she did it. Says it was a huge mistake. Is sincerely so, so sorry for the pain she caused. Went through depression, paranoia, loss of self-esteem, etc. And I nearly lost it when it all came down. Don't know how I even survived, but I did.

In my experience, they get bored and then along comes that mysterious other person who thinks they are just perfect! Often it's partly because that op is bored or lonely or something, and looking for someone to make them feel better. So they get together and start to talk about their woes. Oh, W and I just don't communicate anymore; there's no intimacy; we fight "all the time"; she's just so manipulative, narcissistic, selfish -- fill in the blank. It's all b.s. It's a way out that seems easy but is often much, much harder in the long run. They are unable to see because of the fog that the grass isn't greener on the other side... it's greener where you water it -- or where the sh*t is, if you like the fertilizer analogy!

The best thing I did, in addition to this forum, was find a divorce support group. I made so many friends through the group -- even found someone in that group who is an inspiration on here -- Pink -- and we became friends.

Figure out a way to GAL. Don't pressure her. Be kind. Don't go dark, but you can go dim because, gosh, you're just so busy with your exciting life that you can't always get back to her right away!

I wish you all the luck in the world. XO


11/4/15 W revealed EA/2 months later became PA with co-worker
Reconciling since late April 2016
Don't give up until it's time, then move on
Be patient, strong and kind but never a doormat
Page 2 of 12 1 2 3 4 11 12

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard