Hello, I have been researching here lately waiting on the Divorce Remedy book. I have also read the first chapter online. I will tell my situation and hope for some ideas.
I am in a same sex relationship. We have been together 9 years and married 1. In Feb. my wife started acting distant and she said she was just tired and unhappy. I checked the phone records and I found several calls (some being late night) from the same number. I researched who it was at it was a co-worker. When I asked if she was seeing someone she denied it several times until I told her about the phone records.
She said they had an emotional connection but it was not physical. I was devestated like most of us are...I thought she stopped but I found more call the next month. In our relationship we never faught, argued or anything like that...we have all the same interests, hobbies, and same group of friends. We went to counseling twice but I didn't think it would help if she is still having the emotional A...she continued to go because I think she is having a MLC.
So she then proceeds to tell me she doesn't know what she wants, continues to text the girl, we are on summer break right now but saw her for like an hour at work each day...she moved out in May to "find herself and figure out what she wants"....
I was doing all the wrong things until I found this board. I know that we can't repair things until she gets out of her affair fog....I started to detach and not talk about our relationships, the OW, beg, phone, text, etc. She is in another state at the moment visiting family for a month. She has actually called me several times and we talked for an hour each time and I have always waited for her to text first. She used to just text before. After she moved out she contacted me to meet her several times a week for dinner...I did not suggest any of that, just waiting on her.
She said we just stopped talking in November and she started talking to the OW and now she feels an attachment to her.
Am I doing the right things or should I not communicate at all so that she gets out of her fog??
Thanks for the advice!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
So here is my story...I am in a same sex relationship. Wife and I have been together 9 years, married 1 year. The past year she has had some major changes, marriage, quit coaching, got master's, mother diagnosed with cancer. We were married in April. I found out in Feb. she was having an emotional A with a coworker. I thought it had ended but found phone records. She says she doesn't know what she wants, blah blah...mind you I thought we had the best relationship, no fights or arguments, liked the same thing.
She continues to text this OW and before our summer break she saw her like an hour a day at work. She moved out in May to see if she could "figure out what she wants". I did all the wrong things before reading this board and the first chapter of DR book. I begged, pleaded, blah blah. She is in another state this month and I have tried not to text first, etc. She has actually called me and we have talked more than normal. She still texts all day but she always initiates it....anyhow before she left she also wanted to meet up for dinners a few times a week.
I know she is still texting the OW....so do I quit communicating (she said this was our problem) or just keep talking and texting and just keep it short. I know she has to get out of the affair fog to make our marriage work.
thanks!
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
If she complained of lack of communication in the past, I would caution you against going totally dark. Letting her initiate all communication is good. Be cordial and neighborly while keeping it brief.
Be aware that she could be temperature checking you as a way of keeping you interested/engaged. She wants to be sure you are available as plan B in case things don't work out with this EA.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Thank you. Thats why I haven't gone totally dark since the lack of communication was an issue she says. I also think she is trying to keep me engaged/interested. Can I call at any time?
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
I am still waiting on my DR book....while the wife is out of town I have tried doing a 180...she seems to be responding by texting and calling me more often. I know she is still having an EA...I have kept all talks positive and acting like I am very happy. Is there anything more I can do at this point? She wants to text alot about herself and her family which is fine but I have tried to respond with short answers.
W:42 M:48 T:9 yrs M:1yr BD: Feb 2016 EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016 D: Feb 2017
