Out of in house S - On My Own (11)

[vise82]

Hey rich4j and Fogg,

Thanks for checking in.

Things have been going ok. I had a good visit with my sister. She understood my hesitation to get back into the whole family thing and I am only contacting a few right now. That's all I think I can handle right now.

I am going forward with buying the house and its stressful.

My W now knows that I have contacted my old guy friend and he and I went out metal detecting, a new GAL for me.
He met me at my kids soccer and she saw him there. Feels good not to hide it. I can talk to who I want now. He was shocked we still go to kids soccer at the same time. He did not want to be there with her there.

I am cutting my expenses as I am finding money tight as I settle in at the new place. Going to put a budget in place. This is just the growing pains of starting out again.

So one day at a time.

[rich4j]

V-

The stress of buying a house and moving is at the top of the stress list.

Buying and "replenishing" your household is a costly adventure as I am going thru it now. It also is a lonely , sad event unless you get some friends engaged so I would highly recommend it.

I have a friend who has an eye for design who is going to help "un guy" my new place..she has the design eye as well as one of my relatives.

It will be strange and potentialy really hard at first. I had a good few cries but then felt a bit of freedom. Glad my dog was with me and some friends came by to see and help.

Good luck with the house!

[RAI]

Vise,

I am so glad that you finally have reconnected with family. I don't know how I would survive without family. For you, it has been a tremendous untapped resource. Life is too short and missing out on being with family could have been a major regret. I hope that they can give you the emotional support you need.

RAI

[vise82]

Hey rich4j & RAI

I have calmed down with the spending I checked the numbers and it was because of all the expense of starting over. I should be ok.

more later.

[vise82]

Hey,

W asked me to look after the boys on her two days. this is getting to be a trend now. I couldn't as I had plans the sunday and the Monday I work. She wanted me to take a vacation day to look after them.

I said no I have to work. She told me to never ask her or her parents for help. I told her not to be a baby, If I could look after them I would (I am taking her next sat to look after the boys for her).

I also asked for her written permission to let the boys see there new cousin as per our S agreement. She has ignored the request.

I also told her I can not trust her as she hid the fact that my brother had a baby form me. She said she did not tell me because we were S. As if that makes it right?

I also picked up mouth guards from the dentist for the kids. I thought it would be ok if I paid for one and for the other one I used the joint account that was still open and she has been using.

I let W know what I did, saves having to collect money from her. She tells me she is going to get my name off the account and that we don't need a joint account.

I tell her as per the S agreement that it should have been closed and money left divided in half. But because shes been using that account for her bills the money that we are getting for children benefits has been mixed in with her money and house money when we were living together and has made a mess of it. I have not received any of it.

Basically I told her all this and it was good to get it off my chest. She is going to use that account now and will take my name off of it and I was ok with that.

Its just with so little communication this stuff builds up and then it needs to be talked about.

Also had the kids tell me W told them they are going to visit W guy friend and he has a teenage son and they will get to ride dirt bikes with him.

I asked kids the guys name. They did not know it. So it looks like she is dating and has got serious enough for her to let him meet the kids. She has not told me about this guy. Its the guy from my W best friends wedding, the best man. He is over 10 years older then her. This is the first guy that was available to her, short of the unavailable gay neighbor.

At first I was mad about finding out this way. But I have not confronted W about it. It is not 100 % yet. I thought it would devastate me but it did not, It has just helped me detach. I want her even less now and all the work I have been doing to detach was worth it. She has been asking me to look after the kids for her days more now and I know why, its to be with him more.

It all makes sense now. I am afraid her heart is for OM now and I feel like there is nothing for me here. I feel like I have nothing to fight for. I have accepted it. She has no interest in me and I have no interest in someone that is has no interest in me.

I feel like there is nothing I can do to change her mind, I just need to focus on me and my boys. Keep out of her way. Don't bend to help her if It is not good for me. My confidence has been good, I look the best I have in years. I am more knowledgeable about R then I have ever been. I have changed. When the time comes I know there is an awesome girl out there for me. Fukc her for dragging me down, I am better then this, I deserve better then this. She is going to look back and question why she ever left me. I am the catch. I am the guy only a fool would leave.

She has done no work on herself. She is the same and I feel for the poor guy that is with her. Her idea of change is a mommy make over. That is her focus right now. She does not get it. I loved her completely including all her flaws, including the physical flaws. One day she will realize what she has done to they family she had, the chance she lost at making it right.

I have waited for her for over a year. I am just not waiting anymore. I am worth more that that.

[rich4j]

V-
Sorry to hear as I know its upsetting. But...maybe don't read into things too much about the OM. And if there truly is another OM, you are right....you deserve better. When I first suspected an EA/PA, I almost vomited. It made me sick and angry. She never came clean and still hasn't but I know what happened and one of the key things in a relationship is trust...without it...things fall apart. I became indifferent and disgusted actually..the guy is a dork :-)

Your WAW has broken that trust. And if it is true I would be mad too. But you will find out the truth whether today or tomorrow or whenever and it will hurt ...but you will get past it.

Continue to stand up for yoruself. If she continues to try to break the agreement with taking care of your children, document it and move on. OR take advantage of spending more time with the kids, snatch that time up, and don't look back! My STBX before our custody agreement spent more time worrying about her GAL'ing than our D7.......it is starting to show up now in how my daughter is perceving things....strangely enough! They know...they are smarter than we think!

Some wake up...it seems from reading thru all these stories. Some don't....
If your WAW doesn't it is her loss.

[vise82]

Hey

I am here on this site and I don't know what to post about.

I had an MRI of my brain yesterday. I have been getting head aches. When I told W about it a month ago she was very supportive and said she would help if I needed anything. Well she did not ask how it went. Not text, no message, I just did it alone.

I still need to work on having the confidence to follow through with social things. I was paying for parking at the hospital and a nice looking woman was next to pay and I thought of paying for her parking as well. I did not follow through. I just kept it as an idea and did not convert it to action. The more I am aware of doing this I am sure it will be an action one of these times.

It was ok. I held it together but during the 20 min scan I was almost crying as it brings up fears of finding something. Of facing death. I was having thoughts of my brain exploding during the test. Tears welling up and dripping off the side of my face as I lay there motionless. Then I thought of the story my sister told me of my nephew. He was in a dark place and tried to take his life. He got better and she showed me a picture, tattooed on his wrists inhale and exhale.

So that is what I did to get through the scan as the bad thoughts came. Exhale and inhale. Simple. It worked.

The thoughts that something might be wrong with me are so overwhelmingly sad for me. I take it personally like I am a failure, and that I am defective. That I could leave my two boys with out a Dad. Inhale and exhale breaks up those thoughts.

On the way home I messaged my friend as he lives near the hospital and I visited with him for a bit. As I was driving to his house I was driving past all the places W and I went to as we were dating as we lived in that area together. Like the pizza place and video rental and variety stores and Chinese food restaurant. All places we visited. We were so much in love then. And just as I drove past them so did the memories flash in my mind. It was a different time then. I was so green to it all. So much grit then. So naive.

Had a good visit, he was telling me of his girlfriends family and son and the pressure to be married and to be moving in together. It was nice to take my mind off of the MRI.

[rich4j]

Its times like those where your WAW would be there that it brings up the memories. Had the same thing with a heart scan a few weeks ago...it [censored].
But talked to a friend today who told me his buddy with 4 kids just has been going thru a brutal divorce too. His wife picked up and left town and moved about 6 hours away...lots of baggage but how do you leave your kids?

Well...long story but he met a girl with 4 kids and he is happier than ever....took a while but he isn't looking back and loves life with the family of 8!

So....it will be hard and your going thru alot of what we all are with the ups and downs of the loneliness. I have it probably every few weeks but you will get thru it. Just keep the boys as your focus and yourself to get into a happy place.

[vise82]

Hey,

W asked me to take kids to soccer last night. She had a doctors appointment. She met up with us later at soccer. Says nothing to me at soccer, not even good bye after I said it to her.

I text her later after soccer and she took the kids to her house. She tells me her kidneys are infected and they are to do more test. I offer encouragement. Tell her about my MRI and that if I don't hear back from the doctor things are OK. She replies back with; good.

I left it at that, a one word response from her.

I just watched a movie before going to bed. It was Robin Williams and he was having headaches, he gets an MRI and find out he has 90 min to live. It is a dark comedy. I randomly picked it. Needless to say I could relate to the story line as I watched it. Its just a movie. I did laugh at parts. Best not to hide from it I guess.

My W used to get infections like this a lot from having sex. Could be from anything but she tells me they started up again two months ago. That the same time we both moved to separate places. Just another indicator that she possibly had sex with OM. I mean that is quite the consequence for her if its is how she got sick. Who knows, I am just observing.

[RAI]

I feel like there is nothing I can do to change her mind, I just need to focus on me and my boys. Keep out of her way. Don't bend to help her if It is not good for me. My confidence has been good, I look the best I have in years. I am more knowledgeable about R then I have ever been. I have changed. When the time comes I know there is an awesome girl out there for me. Fukc her for dragging me down, I am better then this, I deserve better then this. She is going to look back and question why she ever left me. I am the catch. I am the guy only a fool would leave.

you should print this and put in on your nightstand - look at it daily.
my $.02 only, but it may help you to stop speculating on what your W is doing.

My W used to get infections like this a lot from having sex. Could be from anything but she tells me they started up again two months ago. That the same time we both moved to separate places. Just another indicator that she possibly had sex with OM. I mean that is quite the consequence for her if its is how she got sick. Who knows, I am just observing.

This ^^^ is all conjecture. Does any of it really matter? does any of it affect you? I know you are "just observing" but I think it distracts you from focusing on your real objectives (see the first quote)

I hope the MRI is normal and that you can go back to being the kicka** DBer that you have become.

RAI