Hey vise... Hang in there. I would avoid driving by her place if I were you. I still avoid going past my in laws but now it is more out of habit than a conscious decision. After my wife moved it, I went no contact for a few months. It took months and months for her to look back in my direction. Time is your friend... Use it.
Had the boys for what seemed such a short time before I had to had them over to W.
S7 was sick the first day I had him, baby sitter looked after him he was under the weather, deemed to get better then was still sick. Saturday he was feeling better not 100% so I had them in the morning and we had a jam packed morning driving around to thrift stores where I donated some old stuff and peanut snack food store and ice cream and book stores.
It was drop off time. W notices he is still feeling a little sick and I thought it was all the food we ate. She says, I guess you have plans today, because she wanted to take him to a walk in clinic. I said he is fine, he has been getting better and made it sound like I did have plans. She was working towards asking me to look after S4 as she took S7 to the doctor.
I get a text later saying he has sever tonsillitis. She plays it up saying he was so close to his throat swelling and choking to death.
He was no where near that at that point, I just dropped him off and he seemed like he had a cold. Why would she play it up like that.
I feel terrible. Then I think that she is going to use this against me. I can just hear it: the oh he but him in danger and did not look after him , did not take him to see a doctor. But really there was nothing to suggest to take him to see one, he seemed to get better.
I feel like this is what she was waiting for, for me to make a mistake so she can use it against me.
She tells me on the phone after I talk to S7 that she will put his medicine in my fridge when she drops of the kids. I text her back later after I thought of it, Not to go in my fridge and not to go in my house, Just give it to the baby sitter as that is why she is there.
W did not reply.
I was just thinking that if she is in my house what if she sees something unsafe or that could be used against me. Not that there is but she was so pushy about showing how wrong I was with S7 health it made me think why.
Point being I cant trust her, I am not there when she drops off the kids to the baby sitter and W should not be entering my house. And she has been by accounts from my kids. Then she tells me she is going in my fridge. Its too much.
So I need to hit the reset button. Need to re-plan my plans. I think I am doing good I just need to regroup. I think W can sense I am slipping. I just hope she is not looking to take advantage of it and use it against me.
I need to shake it off and get a firm footing to stand tall again.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
V- There will be ups and downs & probably alot of situations like this with your W for a while with the kids.
Don't get down on yourself as you are doing what you can.
Agree on the trust. Trust has been broken and it won't be repaired for a while if at all for you.
Keep going and focus on you and the kids. Sounds repititive but it will be fine! I am in the same boat and have ups and downs.
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Don't read into that too much. I am sure your house is safe. My STBX did the same thing and took pics of my boys with bumps and bruises to try and show neglect. As long as you know your house is safe I would not worry. The WW will try and use it against you but it will not mean much in the overall scheme of things.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
W has not replied to my request of not entering my house. I guess that is all I can do.
I am now focused on buying the house I am in as I have the first right of refusal and an option to buy it. I realize this is the most important thing right now.
I need to secure this house to be sure I have a place even though I have it in writing.
I have also reached out to one of my sisters. This will give me more much needed support.
Also been working on making the house a home and it is getting there. I have the skills to do it and the transformation is looking good.
I can see now this is my new life.
So that is my plan right now.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
What about the friend and the racing. Did you explore that any further? A hobby that you really enjoy would be good for you. Maybe try a new meetup for something you would never expect doing, get out of your comfort zone. Just be careful about getting needs met with other woman you might meet. It would be a greater benefit right now to develop new male friendships and learn to be single. You would do well exploring yourself and growing into the new person your beginning to become.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Found out W ignored my request to not enter my house and told kids that I was silly for asking her to do that. She was in my house and in my fridge as the boys medicine was there and baby sitter knew nothing about it.
So do I drop it or make a deal about it?
I talked to my son and told him its not silly its normal. I don't go into her house with out her there and she should not go in my house with out me being that the house.
The situation between us is getting worse.
She was mad at me because I wouldn't take the kids two night ago at my house to sleep over as she had a doctor appointment.
I said that I would look after the kids during the appointment but not over night. She lost it and started calling me names and unco-operative and thinking of only myself while she was in pain. An hour later she was at soccer and didn't look like she was in pain.
She I think had overnight plans for something else and thought I would jump to help her. I didn't and she spewed all over me.
Also, she is missing a wedding this weekend because I would not take the kids on her day because I have plans that day. She is mad at me because of it. She thinks I should just take the kids with me. She did not talk to me at soccer and did not even say good bye to me.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
I do think you need to set some boundaries with her as it seems she steps over any line you draw. Do you think she is doing this for just confrontation sake? Was she one who liked drama in the relationship?
I ask becuz my STBX needed drama/confrontation and looks for it now if possible and spews like yours. If you let this one go (going into your house) then I would ensure you don't let the next one go.
I am reading into this but sounds like you were the typical "nice guy" in the relationship (as was I) and would bend to her plans ? If so ...remind her you are not together anymore ....and that has stopped. There is a new sheriff in town so she chose this path...live with it. I have taken harder stances with my STBX as she tries the same stuff..."hey thought you might want to take D on XX weekend even though its my weekend".....INTERPRETATIOn: I have plans with someone I want to make change your plans for me.
No...and no. Stick with it...your doing well
_________________________ Me-48 Spouse-WAW 52 Married for 10 years D7 ILYBNILWY 7/15 Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial She files 1/2016 Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
