Out of in house S - On My Own (11)

[rich4j]

V-

Of course you still have those feelings ! They won't go away right away and I am sure you will have weeks where you feel like you did with not wanting to even see her and then BAm....you want to confess your love for her

But what's really changed with her for you ? Probably nothing. We have similar stories as I am moving a few blocks from stbx. Last week I hated her and the last day or so I was super lonely thinking about her a lot ! But she is still the same.

I don't have answers for you except your feelings are normal. And you should try to focus on you and not worry if she is seeing someone or not. If you need closure to move on you may need to approach that D talk.....especially if the door is shut but sounds like it's still a bit open for u ?

[vise82]

Hey rich4j

Thanks for stopping by.

I was thinking about how W wanted this S to see if her feelings would come back for me and how now I am trying to get rid of my feelings for her.

It has been a month now that we have been physically separated. We have not don't much together, one birthday dinner, and soccer twice a week and one kids school event.

I was wondering how it would go. I have tried to be as dark as I can.

We have been in contact over the last few days over old bills. I avoid being at her house for any reason. The other day she tells me that she will go with me to get my gym membership at her gym for free with her. I just said yeah that's a good deal. I was never going to ask her to set it up.

I did not have soccer this weekend and I am feeling a little broken right now.

Kids are not with me so I need to find the strength to get some work done.

[pinn]

I would hate going to the same gym as my WW. I'd find a different one.

[vise82]

Hey pinn,

It would be a shared membership as I would only be able to go when she is not there. But yes I don't really like the idea as I bet she knows people there and they would fill her in on what I am doing. I don't know if she knows people there, just a possibility. It would be free she said she would just pay for her membership that includes mine.

But really is anything free?

She just emailed me about me looking after the kids again for when she goes to a wedding. I have said no already and she is asking one more time. She says she will try to fly back so I am not looking after them for so long.

I so want to send a truth dart email, saying really? you want me to change my plans for you? Why?, you left me, broke up the family, don't want to work on anything. Why would I make my life harder so that you can go to a wedding??

or

Your a big girl you can figure out something. I have plans that day, I cant look after the kids.

Or

I just ignore the email. That is a lot easier to just leave it and not answer her.

[rich4j]

V

One month and the first month I would think is the toughest so over time I hope it gets easier for you whether its for good or not

She is as pushy as my STBX :-) I would email her just to reconfirm "no" I can't watch them. otherwise it sounds like she may just end up doing what she wants and thinks you will be the nice guy and watch them anyway.....

I agree on the gym too. Cut ties whether shared and not there or not. The less u have to interact and be connected the better to figure your sitch out.

With kids, you will be connected forever regardless so from all the folks I know who have divorced with kids....many said it took 2-3 years before they had a normal civil interactions with their X's for the kids sake ONe of my friends girlfriends is divorced and its 3 years later and she still hates the site of him (he cheated and left her)

Its been a year for you and i am sure a long year (my year anniversary of ILYB...is August). Take the time away from each other and get to know yourself better , join some Meetups, do some different things you never have done and try to clear the mind

Easier said than done I know but that is what i am trying to build up towards myself. I am at the beach with some family/friends and D7 and GAL'ing but still after talking to them about my sitch, they understand how lonely and challenging this is ...for anyone. Its a huge life change and it takes time

In time you will know what direction you want to head either full steam or slowly. U will know if you need to file for D or not. Have a good fourth!

[vise82]

Hey

So things have been going ok. Very little contact with W. See her at kids soccer, had some money issues that we worked out, stuff left over from the S agreement.

Was getting new headaches, so I see my doctor and she want me to get more MRIs. Says I am doing good considering what has happened with the move and everything. I broke down in her office as it was all too much for me to do these type of tests again and this time W is not with me to help me through it, Just sad about that. Feel left on my own again, a little anger came out too.

Unfortunately this came out in front of my kids. I had to talk to them about how it had nothing to do with them. I think it scared them to see me like that.

I did reach out to my friend and that helped.

I have been having thoughts that maybe my W is dying and this is her way of getting me ready for when she is not going to be around. Forcing me on my own to deal with it before she passes.

Cheeseless tunnel.

So now I go on. One day at a time. Looking forward to when things will get better for me.

[vise82]

Hey, had a good weekend with the kids, this is starting to feel like we are D. had no contact with her for days now. She is seeing the kids less as they go to her parents for two nights and almost three days.

It was GAL all weekend, skate park, car show, drive in movie, R/C car race. As you can tell all stuff i like, we had so much fun.

I met up with my old friend that w and I have kept the kids from seeing. Reason was he might tell my family where we lived. Thinking back this is unforgivable that she would suggest this. Part of her control of me. I am sure w knows now as kids would have told her.

its my life now, i call the shots.

at drop kid drop off it was just that, she had nothing to say to me. I got out as soon as i could.

left to go to my soccer, made an effort to talk to the other players.

Now I am home alone and this is where I have trouble. I freeze. I stall. I procrastinate.

What worked good was hiring the babysitter to help me unpack, I could direct, organize the work, plan the jobs and complete them.

It seems that when kids are not here it is the best time to clean up the house, and buy groceries and do all the laundry to get the house ready for when they come back. Baby sitter looks after them during the day here for three days.

I have not seen any change with W after I have pulled back. SHe has not come closer, in fact the opposite. we see less of each other now. She did invite me over last week to help with setting up a video game. I declined.

Looks like MR is slipping away into the nothing of D. It feels like there is nothing there right now, like its gone, never even happened.

[Melo]

It's tough, I often feel the same ĺ, granted it has only been a week for me. My kids don't even seem to care that I'm not there. Keep yourself as busy as possible brother.

[pinn]

Hey Vise,

Give it some time my man. It took months and months before I saw anything positive from my WW after she moved out. Keep GAL'ing and living life my friend.

[rich4j]

V-

I am following you as I am going to be going thru this starting in August moving out and on my own. Been there before in a long term relationship years ago living together and it is tough. The quiet....nobody to sit on the couch with and talk about your day...watch a movie. I get it.. I would sometimes have mini panic attacks until I started to GAL more and just keep busy

But your doing awesome with kids activities. I wish I could plan that well!

I get the notion of needing closure and not feeling in limbo. I think thats why my STBX filed pretty quickly out of guilt when she started with he affair that she is denying to the hilt. Hard to put myself in anyones shoes but if you need the D to try to pull a reaction from your WAW versus needing closure I would keep doing what your doing and figure things out.

Best!