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vise82 Offline OP
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Hey time for a new thread.

The last one was all about selling the house and moving out as we both have houses now a couple of blocks away.

Here is the old thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2687141&page=11


To answer the question from the end of the last thread. No we have not had the discussion of D. It has always been about S. W has said she is not in a hurry to change her name. That was about it.

I have no idea how she feels about it. For me I would need it to move on.

I think I will give it some time and I will see if she comes to me about it. I guess it deserves a talk before I go ahead and file. Right now the one year S is up and all that is left is to get the D paper.

Kids said they are going to visit the old street and go swimming at the old neighbors house. Kids asked if I could go. I am going to a car show that day as W has the kids is what I told them and I do.

I have no intention in going back to that street. This would be a hurdle if we were to R as I have no interest in being around the friends she made as they did nothing to help us and only hurt us.


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
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What does moving on look like to you exactly and why would you need to file for D now to get there.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
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vise82 Offline OP
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Hey Fogg,

Why would I need to D? because I think she wont. I also can see now there is no hope. She has a new circle of friends, she has a new life with out me, she has new memories and conversations that I am not a part of.

I can see that I am out of her life and she has no problem with that.

I am not saying that I will file right now. I will hold off to give this living apart time to settle. But after reflecting and time apart and seeing how she treated me and the way she handled her anger wards me and the lies. This is not some one I want to be with. Even as hard as that is to say because of what I wanted month before, this is what was trying to be told to me in this forum in the early days. Love from my side is not enough it has to come from both and W did not love me the way a H deserves to be loved.

And because I want to love again. I can not open my heart to someone else while still married to another. It has been over a year with our sex, almost three years with out a sober kiss. I deserve something better that this.


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 724
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vise82 Offline OP
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hey,

Had a good weekend. Was filled with gal, went to two car shows, from one of them I learned of a guy looking to get rid of some shop manuals cheap, including ones for my car. So I traveled two hours to pick them up. I now have them and will sell the extra shop manuals to see if I can double my money.

Soccer was good we won and I had a good game. I kept up my interaction with the other players, something I need work on.

Yesterday I had an old guy friend visit, he gave me all sorts of advise and straight talk. Said I am doing good and gave me loads of encouragement.

Yester day W ( don't even feel like calling her that) Emailed about two trips she is going on that used to be a family trip and she does not want to take the kids so she asked me to look after them. I guess she is changing the family trip to a single trip, I emailed back I cant take the kids those days for her as I have plans, as I do I have soccer those days.

I am sure she will get mad at me and strike back some how to hurt me or ruin my plans someday over it.

I am not going to look after the kids for her so she can act single. I have my days and she has her days with the kids. That is hard enough and her trying to change the days makes it even harder.


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 724
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vise82 Offline OP
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Hey so its started, the back lash for not doing what she wants.

She sent an email saying that if I can look after the kids she cant go to the two trips.

She is making it sound so simple that I just need to get a baby sitter to look after the kids for when I am at soccer. I did not say I had soccer only that I had plans.

So she is trying to bully me to do it, and manipulate me with guilt. Trying to make it my fault if she cant find care and cant go.

I am sure this is the start. She has yet to give me a list of things that I need to help her pay for because of the move and I am sure she will now pad that as much as possible.

There is so much I want to tell her but it wont be positive.

I will just leave it for now. But I will see her at kids soccer tonight.


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
Joined: Aug 2014
Posts: 762
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Hey Vise,

Been away. Sounds like your W is very manipulative. If not being D is keeping you from moving on, then it sounds like you got the short end of the stick. W has everything she wants now. What do you want?

RAI


Me 48 XW 45
lots o' kids
D April 2017
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vise82 Offline OP
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Hey, What do I want, Well I did not want this. I was flat out open about my wanting to get MC and do the best two grown adults with kids can, to stay true to a MR commitment that was made to each other.

Now I want as little contact with her as possible, to just live my life with out fear of reprisal. To follow the agreed upon S agreement and terms. To fulfill my own pursuits and interests. To have the best time with my two boys.
Maybe I don't belong on here anymore. I think she is too far gone, too far away. Not the same girl I married. And this all happened in less that a year. I just see so many road blocks, she is living a world away from me. She has filled the gap that was me with others and I don't see a place where I even fit in.

I am working on me. I have my own world now. Its just how it is now. The fog has lifted from me. I see her for what she is. I don't like what I see.


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 410
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Vise

Good for you.....I hope you are on your way to better things

I think setting the boundries on the vacation is good. I would only say to think about this in terms of if you will need her to bend for you in the future

I have been going thru the same thing (inhouse) soon to be similar to you with separate places. I have bent a little bit on my schedule to help cuz she will have to for me. But she has bullied me in the past and guilted me into things (one of the issues with our relationship) and I won't let her do that either

There needs to be an agreement of if I do this for you, you need to reciprocate.

Think about it if you are going to need that help and only in the realm of your kids and family vs her.


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
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vise82 Offline OP
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Hey rich4j,

I hope so. I want better.

Soccer She was there and did not say hi, was quiet the whole time. I did not talk to her, my focus was on my boys, talked to them non stop.

These trips for her, she needs to figure it out, we have an agreement that covers if she was to take the kids with her, but not to leave them with me. If I could take them I would, I do have plans. It would inconvenience me to look after them when its her day.

This is life now, she cant just go on her own giving up her responsibility to look after the kids. I an sure she will figure it out that she will have to take the kids with her for it to work. I cant say no to that.

That was not her first choice because she is hoping that i would look after them so she can live the single girl dream.

She needs to wake up she has kids, she has responsibility of looking after them. This just blows my mind that she is changing the annual family trip into a kids less party weekend.

Ok enough talk of this, I said no I have plans that is that. If she chooses to hate me for it, that is her choice and it has nothing to do with me.

Soccer was over and i said my good byes to the boys and then to her.

Next...


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 724
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vise82 Offline OP
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Hey,

time for an update,

Basically, my feelings for W I have found go up and down. After a end of school concert one of my kids was in that W and I sat together to watch the feelings came back to me. The fog came back a little. We talked a little not R talk yet. Just about kids and care for them over the summer.

I was hoping this would not happen and was surprised it did. I was so over her.

Its so frustrating as I want to move forward, then this happens. She was surprisingly not mad at me for not looking after the kids when she asked, she told me she is just not going to go on the trip and wedding.

her choice.

She asked me to switch a sat with her as she wants to bring the kids to a cottage, so i agreed. I am not going to stop the kids from having these types of trips.

Its the limbo that is not fun. I have had interest in other women. I cant go ahead with as I feel I am still married. I am not sure how to proceed. Now we are not in house together, i have no idea if she is seeing other guys. I wish I knew as if she has I would just move on. I want to just ask her but i am afraid of the answer. Also she could just lie. When it comes down to it i guess i am looking to end this R first but I am still holding on, I dont want to but here i am. With a sliver of hope. Part of me is wanting to tell her how i am feeling.

Today I dropped the kids off, we talked about bills. I left. then after she calls asking me to help her set up a new computer system. I gave her advise on the phone but i was not going over to her house. Partly because its DBing, and partly because i would be a wreck after leaving her place if i went.

I want to shake this off, to shed the feelings. but there is still something there for me. UGHHHHHH


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
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