So it's almost the end of the year. What a journey I have been on. Most people believe that 2016 was a pretty shameless year, filled with sadness, pain and fear. I just don't agree.
I believe in free will, we have a choice, a choice to do good, when every one else is doing bad. To forgive when every one else is remaining bitter.
This divorce was the best thing to happen to me, it awakened something inside me that I never knew I had. It freed me up to show love to so many people, people that I neglected over the last 11 years. Who needs a selfish spouse anyhows... always drunk, always bitter.
Now i soar, aiming for the stars, so the clouds are not good enough.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
SO here's an update... XW finally moved out at the end of Jan, literally down the road, as the D agreement stated that our only S had to stay in same school. She has never really got things going with OM1, as he stayed in the other town. She's probably seen him twice or thrice since last March when things went off the rails.
She had a long fling with OM3 for about 8 months and is breaking things off with him, another broken heart - check! She is really missing her best friend, she asks me constantly if we can get back together. But here's the thing with detachment, if you really focus on it, then you go so far that you detach from everything and everyone.
As for my love life, it's still at the bottom of the toilet. What a wasted heart.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Naah, i'm letting it mellow down there. Water restrictions are quite bad here in Cape Town too.
My relationship with the XW is good, amicable, i'm actually drinking a glass of wine with her right now and we're reminiscing about the "good ol days when i first came onto this site".
I've come such a long way. It's not even normal. Still have the house and car, but without work as my contract was not renewed. But i'm taking things slow and seeing what comes up.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
So I just read an article that said that love is a choice... For those that still remember me, you all know that i like to challenge the status quo, not to be nasty or troll, but I like to think out of the box, actually, i believe that there is no box.
Imagine if love is actually not a choice. Imagine it is an emotion? Emotions come and go, they're irrational and without thought, at most times. Can an emotion "linger" for years, decades even?
The ability for people to fall in and out of love, and to love and hate someone depending on the day and time shows that love is irrational. Some people believe that you do not choose who you love, as though it's chosen for you.
Marriage is about love; however, love is not about marriage.
Just dropping my thoughts, might help a newbie.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Your logic is flawed at the very core. Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. Also you are confusing love and lust. When you first meet someone interesting, you get the butterflies, and if things go well, you both start falling in love. You are wanting to spend time with each other, you love talking to eachother and if all goes well, you start the confusing rituals of exchanging bodily fluids. And if you are also comfortable with eachother in this department, things progress. You might star a family together, you move in with eachother and you intertwine your lives. You might even marry. But gradually over the course of years, the feelings of lust (feeling of inlove) fade and if all goes well, they are replaced by the feelings of love, which is really just a form of psychological addiction to the good hormones the other person makes us produce. If we're lucky, we also make the other person happy and are so intertwined. But sometimes it happens that some one else might trigger stronger hormones release and the (or we) fall for someone else. And the cycle begins again... The trick is to recognize the early warning signs and steer clear of temptation. That's where the wise saying comes from that the if the grass is greener on the other side, that is because it is fertilized by bullshit.
I like your argument Vapo. I'm actually saying, that hate and love are the same thing. Both are emotions. That thin line between the two does not really exist.
This is how a relationship can flip in one moment. And agreed, someone else triggers the love emotion, which is why we're all on this forum. This love emotion is irrational and that's why it's called a bomb-drop. This love emotion is stronger than any bond, 10, 15 or 20 years of M can build.
The grass is always greener on the other side, not cos of bullshit, cos it's what the heart wants. LBSs think it's greener where it was, which is why we hold on.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
This is how a relationship can flip in one moment. And agreed, someone else triggers the love emotion, which is why we're all on this forum. This love emotion is irrational and that's why it's called a bomb-drop. This love emotion is stronger than any bond, 10, 15 or 20 years of M can build.
Nope, it's not the "love" emotion, it's infatuation. The MLCer only thinks it's love, but it is really not. Love does not happen in an instant, it grows from the tiniest of seeds and takes years to flourish. Again, the MLCer is a mentally compromised individual, that has his/her judgement clouded. This is why they often fall prey to the lowlifes. One would think they would trade up, but as it is pretty much always the case, the affair down. This is why the LBS is so confused. The LBS mind is somewhat clearer than the MLCer's so we, that is why this is mindblowing to us and also kind of an insult, because we keep wondering why were we replaced by the dirtbag.
The dirtbag usually has the sweet talk and they know just what strings to pluck to get the desired reaction. And the MLCer is convinced that they found the love of their lives and they discard their old life completely in favor of the dirtbag. Very often the dirtbags are very disturbed individuals, exhibiting a lot of traits of sociopaths and psychopaths. 99% of the cases the MLCer realizes (it might take them a couple of years) that the OP is a dirtbag, but very often the LBS closes the doors to reconciliation.
Then i'm an anomaly. OM1 was a masters student, one more degree. Earned double what i have. Came from more money, could speak french and a foreign national. He was also a devout Christian and ultimately pushed away my XWW's advances, based on his religious beliefs. But by then I had shut the door, as you say.
Seriously tho i was not insulted, i was actually quite impressed that she could do better than me. LOL
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
