Mia, Since it's a special day for your son, i.e., his birthday, then I would find a way to put aside my feelings about my h and allow him to come to the house to give him his presents. It's your decision as to whether you want to cook a meal and invite him or you could invite him over for cake and opening of the presents.
Just my two cents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
What is he asking about mediation? Please try to get to a place where you are not "punishing" H for his actions by using the kids. That's never good for anyone.
You can't just hang up on him and avoid every conversation about mediation. Maybe Sotto can chime in here. She did a WONDERFUL ABSOLUTELY AMAZING job of not doing "the heavy lifting" of the divorce but taking care of things when it was her turn.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Well he is coming to cinema and I have said he can come for the meal and come in house to give presents.
With regards to mediation that is all he goes on about...when am I sorting the appointment. With regards to what he wants I don't know just goes on about child access. And I have said that if he wants to discuss he does it face to face not on phone...I have said this numerous times.
I don't like how he rings without warning and goes on about it...it makes me mad so I have to hang up so as not to lose my temper.
Mia, I'm glad he's going to share in his son's birthday celebration. It will mean a lot to your son.
About the mediation, continue to advise him that if he wants to talk about it, it must be done in person and that you will not discuss it over the phone. The more you say and repeat this, the more he is likely to finally get the message. The next time he calls and starts in on the topic of mediation, say something like this: "h, I have advised you in the past that I am more than willing to discuss mediation w/you if it is done in person. I will not discuss it over the phone w/you. Unless you have something else to discuss at this time, I have to go because I am in the middle of something". Then politely hang up. Right now, your h is very frustrated w/you because you hang up on him. He's bound and determined to get you on that phone and discuss it, so beat him to the punch and politely tell him that you aren't discussing it over the phone.
The more we pull away from them, the more they try to rope us back in. It's the "push/pull"/"distance/pursuer" game.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi there (Well, Twinmon thanks for the compliment )
I had a 'responsive' stance to the D - I would not pursue anything in 'pursuit' of D - but I quietly met any deadlines and minimised any responses - only pleasant, brief, business.
When it came to financials, it suited me to expedite that so I was happy to 'lead' a bit more - ie: be more proactive and get things done before being asked.
We took the collaborative law approach and I'm not sure how mediation differs to that in the UK - but if you can take the approach of trying to quietly resolve any frustrations, that is best I think - otherwise you may be perceived as an ongoing 'barrier' to him. There were times when I wasn't happy with what H was proposing and stood my ground - but if that happened, I tended to sit back and let my L respond, or just wait for another bit of the process to unfold.
As for the birthday, I think it is the right way to prioritise what your S wants to do - and you can perhaps discuss any plans with the kids well before the date next time around and know what their hopes are WRT their Dad's involvement in their special day.
Hope the party goes well. Take that day to feel and look lovely within yourself and show your H only grace and class....
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Spoke to his mum this morning she rang to wish our youngest happy birthday . Interesting how she said h is little empathy or consideration for anyone's feelings at the moment including kids...as in constantly having ow around the kids.
Mil is staying with me the night before she's taking our kids away camping...apparently he's not happy about that.
Listen, but don't make any comments to your MIL. Blood is thicker than water and if she's expressing her concerns to you, you don't know what she's telling him if you say anything.
He'll get over being unhappy about his mother staying w/you. It's what works best for you, the children and your MIL.
I hope your son has a great day!
Keep the focus on you and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi, I am usually careful when talking to mil but on sons birthday I did get upset.
I am getting stronger I feel but still don't sleep very well.....and still wake up thinking oh h.....but it's becoming more like 'what on earth is he doing with this woman...' What an idiot.
The sad thing is I feel he is so entrenched in this now I don't think he can see the wood from the trees......our life together is probably becoming a distant 'horrible' m more ( in his mind) whereas life with ow is current and all fine and dandy.
Have had a bad week this week.....don't know why.....lots of tears.
H is still banging on about child access....although he seems to have back tracked and wants us to discuss rather than 'waste money on mediation or court' ...I wrote him an email to discuss finances and I feel that if he doesn't have an open discussion and agree to a fair agreement about money I will have to go to court......it's so sad he has done this but I can't carry the financial load on my own.
I also discovered yesterday that it looks like he has had a big promotion which I assume means a pay increase.....hasn't mentioned to me
)