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Rich

Let it all out! Your IC has given you good advice. Each change will have an emotional impact on you and you will get through it my friend. In my eyes there will always be hope for W and I unless she is crazy enough to marry someone else!


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
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rich4j Offline OP
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thx JK..hope you had a good weekend with the boys

Had a good session with my IC on friday but she did say I am going to struggle for a while with my STBX as she knows her well. Not only with co parenting but just in general in letting go (detaching) I am trying to focus on being more positive as she said I need to think this way as I am overwhelmed with "how I am going to do with this with my daughter" thoughts constantly. Will she still love me? Will she blame me? etc....I need to get positive and think positively

I am still having a super hard time detaching so looking for any advice or posts to read up on to help!!! I am too much thinking about her and missing her still. It goes in waves and I can't get off this one wave...

GALing all weekend with friends and playing some golf today but underneath this all I am lonely. It will be a year this summer since this fiasco started and even with all the GALing etc....I still am lonely at the core...why is that? I guess its common to miss the one you have loved, the touching, intimacy, day to day interaction and family. I miss it all but have to carry on and figure how to get to "the other side"...

have a good day all


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 956
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It just really takes time, rich. I'm finding it easier to see "my life" instead of "our life". I still get the waves and miss all of the things you spoke of.
I was moving yesterday and kept finding myself touching my H on the shoulder or arm. At least he doesn't flinch any more. I look at him and we both smile and stare into each others' eyes and make jokes know one else gets and I wonder, "why don't you want me any more?".
But it is getting better. I catch myself realizing that more and more. And my fear of detaching causing me to fall out of love? Well, lets just say...learning has bred understanding and compassion for his pain, that has led me to lose my anger, that has opened the door to being able to do things (GAL), and losing anger and gaining understanding has led me to love him more but with the added benefit of independence from co-dependence.

I love him more.
I love me more.
I love him better.
I can see the beginning of letting him go because I love him.
I see the benefit of being a friend again.
Maybe...just maybe we can rebuild on that firmer ground.
And that all brings a bit more peace.


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

Kindness, kindness, kindness.
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rich4j Offline OP
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Ciluzen

thx for the advice. you are in a much better place then me considering our divorce filings are within 1 day of each other!!!!

I am going to work on the LBS and detaching threads once I can find them as I need some work!


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 956
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Hey, it comes and goes. I can deal with my H much better than before, but I totally lose it when I think of the "friends" who have disappeared. That anger still builds. I made no vows to them, however.


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

Kindness, kindness, kindness.
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 410
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rich4j Offline OP
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C- that is horrible about the dissapearing friends. but its common in D.


What boils my temputure is also neighbors. My STBX has put on the act of "poor little me" in the divorce and I am going to be on my own having to support poor little self. The woman who I have been sort of friends with at the bus stop and their husbands are now a bit distant.

I am sure she poisoned their minds but she will remain there for a while so its just something i will have to deal with and move on.

I really want to roast her and put a big sign in our front yard of "CHEATER" and "SHE wanteed the Divorce and Cheated" but maybe that day comes over drinks in the near future


I still can not believe she continues to deny everything. Anytime it comes up she deflects and says I am fishing. But I know for a fact and its hurtful still even with starting to detach. I am going to wait until all this is wrapped up legally and then blow her out of the water. I won't have closure if I don't ......and its hard to detach without doing it too.


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 410
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rich4j Offline OP
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Has anyone had to tell their daughter about the divorce? I should say young daughter? And more importantly for any dads, has your daughter "favored " mommy in the split?

I decided not to go the route of blame and who did what right now at her young age of 7.....talked to a therapist about it & I don't want to go there right now. Just that we have decided to D.

My issue is I am so concerned about her "siding' with mommy and that I will be the bad guy. I know I need to think positively and have been working on it as well as detaching. I just can't bear to think that since I am the one leaving the residence and where her friends are that this will be a nightmare for me (and her)

I am going to do my best to make the new place "hers and mine" but hoping for some good advice on keeping my daughter "neutral". Lately...she sees me as a bit of the bad guy for whatever vibe she is getting from my stbx and me.

Ugh...


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,091
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J5K Offline
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Rich,

My S7 is still siding with stbx. Keep it short and sweet. Not their fault, we both love you and that is it. Mommy and Daddy will work things out.

No need to say more, it just confuses them and you don't want to parental alienate your D7.


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 410
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rich4j Offline OP
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thx JK

I don't plan to blame or bash my STBX at all...its a non starter

Just continue to lose sleep at night about her/D7 not wanting to spend time away from the current house that the STBX is staying in (for a while ) and the neighborhood. Plan is not to be too far away if I can get our paperwork signed but i will have to make my own "life" with my D and ensure its fun/entertaining.

I work more than full time if you get my drift and will now be supporting 2 households and have to carve out the needed time to ensure I have created the type of environment my D will love besides me. So hard as this is the part that starts to eat at me.....


_________________________
Me-48
Spouse-WAW 52
Married for 10 years
D7
ILYBNILWY 7/15
Suspect EA/PA 12/15 No confirmation/denial
She files 1/2016
Working towards the Big D ...still in progress....
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,091
J
J5K Offline
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J
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,091
Rich,

I get it, it eats at me also. 5 of my own and I feel I am failing them by not having enough time with them. At the end of the night I will take 15 minutes to watch some TV with them and they all want to come and sit next to me. I don't know if STBX does the same. None of my business I guess.


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
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