Working on me and letting it play out

[cbtdad]

No question about it. I try and help others in their threads who are dealing with a WW. And try to let them know how long it takes. In my situation the first time around WW and I started piecing too soon. And because of that I didn't get to the root of problem and neither did she. If I had to do over again I would have taken more time apart. I'm not rushing anything this time around and just doing my best to live in the moment and continue to work on me

[cbtdad]

So W and I are sitting on back deck just discussing things. We were mainly talking about our 6 year old son and how much he has been acting out lately.
We took him for a reading test last week and they suggested that he may have ADD. So we have an appointment now for that at the end of July. Anyways in all of this discussion she brought up how stressful everything is right now. I asked what she meant. She said the only things she cares about over the next year are finishing paramedic school and our S. She said that our neighbor asked what about our marriage and she said she told her that she is so stressed about school and our son that she can only focus on that right now.
I definitely felt myself getting upset but I just continued to listen as she said that she told neighbor that I understood. And that I realize that's how she is and that she can't have too much on her plate at once.
She went on to start talking about how she is so stressed about paramedic school because she has never wanted anything this bad. That that is all she wants.
It was so hard to just see there and listen and validate her feelings. I want her to want this marriage. I want her to put the same effort into me as she is school.
She is just sitting in front of me listening to music now and drinking wine.
We have MC session tomorrow so I guess I will wait to till then
On a positive note she did say she would have "cracked" by now if i wasn't being so helpful right now
But that's what I don't like at the same time. Makes me feel like I'm just being used or that I'm plan B

[RSG]

Well, that sounds EXACTLY like my old lady. She can only think about 2 things: S and work. I don't know if you're familiar, but my S requires speech therapy and to a lesser extent occupational therapy. She was frustrated that I didn't understand anything, because I was working while she was talking to therapists and she wouldn't/couldn't communicate effectively to me. "What did they say?" "I don't know, you'd have to call. They just say he needs XYZ." Ended up, she hated the occupational therapist (the person and the method) and I threw away a couple thousand dollars on it (she hasn't contributed a dime to therapy costs, we have always had separate accounts). He has, however, done amazingly well in speech and his therapist is excited about his progress.

Long story short, we could never get on the same page. I wanted to know what was discussed, why, what it would accomplish, costs. She didn't care about that, she was just scared and wanted me to go along with everything. That's how it started really.....

He's going to be in a new school in August, and for the first time Mommy won't be a quick walk down the stairs away. She'll feel a huge weight off her shoulders initially, but as time goes on she'll miss him terribly.

Anyway, I've hijacked your thread! I just know exactly what you're talking about. If you communicate effectively, and work as hard as you can to help your S, you'll grow closer. At least that's what I think. That's actually the thing that gives me the most hope, our S bringing us back together. She loves him dearly, but is so stressed out and tired she can't take care of him like she used to. It's only been a month so I can't expect her to run to me, but she used to say I didn't do anything. She's slowly figuring out that just being there is a HUGE job. Not only that, but I'm 10 times the day I am today that I was 18mos ago.

I do know how you feel about the plan B thing as well. But, if you try to force the M stuff over her class and especially S, it won't go well. Don't get frustrated (easy for me to say right!) just keep plugging away!

[RSG]

That would be 10x the DAD, not day!

[Surfer]

Keep your chin up cbtdad.

Keep doing the right thing.

[cbtdad]

Thanks surfer
That's what I need to keep thinking
Trying to stay positive and patient

[cbtdad]

I also really need to be careful and watch my words in MC session today
I can tell I'm on the edge of blowing up and getting frustrated
I'm getting agitated and wanting physical attention

[Surfer]

Yes. Her actions will drive you mad. It's hard being nice when someone is being so obnoxious but WW's are really good at this whereas the LBH will want to hit out verbally or otherwise through frustration. You just keep your head mate.

If it's any consolation I am fuming right now as my WAW is strutting round the house all calm, texting God knows who, as I sit with the kids - once my D8's piano lesson is finished they will go to her house and I will be alone again.

You go through cycles of grief if you don't occupy yourself. I think there's a bit of devil makes work for idle hands and tongues.

I feel your pain. Keep your head. You can do it. Don't let her in your head - keep it occupied so it is not available for her.

[RSG]

I also really need to be careful and watch my words in MC session today
I can tell I'm on the edge of blowing up and getting frustrated
I'm getting agitated and wanting physical attention

You can do it!!!! Take deep breaths, wait before you speak!

[doodler]

cbtdad,

Everyone is so supportive! I just thought I'd offer up a suggestion.

I've been to several MC sessions and sometimes it can get really nasty. What you can do is use the MC session as an opportunity for a 180. When you walk into the MC's office, after everyone is seated, in a non-threaten manner move toward your wife and start humping her leg. Do that for about 30 seconds, then go back to your seat without saying anything.

I don't know what the results will be, but I'd like to know without actually trying it myself.