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job Offline
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Roxi,
You may want to consider not "touching base" on the divorce right now. To me, it's putting pressure on him to make a decision and quite frankly, he's not ready to make one. Notice he said it would be put on the back burner. He's quite happy w/the way things are right now and the more you push, the more he's going to drag his feet in deciding what to do.

If you are going to have conversations w/your h, keep them to safe topics and/or topic of interest. Stay away from relationship talks for now. If you are beginning to feel like friends, then treat him as a friend and not pursue or put pressure on him.

Try to keep the focus on you and allow him the time to figure things out. You can't rush the process.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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You are right. I'm going to re- read this post when I feel like I need an answer. We dated for 4 years before we were married and I gave him an ultimatum then, so I need to work on his time frame and realize he needs the time to work on himself. We are now 9 months into this. I wish I knew what he was thinking.


M 25 T 29
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H says he's ambivalent about staying in the marriage
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Originally Posted By: Roxi
I wish I knew what he was thinking.

I can tell you, his brain is like the inside of a hurricane with stuff thrown everywhere.

Really tbh you dont want to know what he is thinking, it is a big mess.


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Cadet is so right about the inside of his brain being like a hurricane with stuff thrown everywhere! I've just 'enjoyed' a spewing session from my H and this is exactly how I'd describe his thoughts and ramblings! After 7 months my WAH has sat still looking as angry, still with his head in his hands because he has no idea which way to turn and still, of course, blaming everything on me.

Having said all of that thought, I know exactly how you feel when you wish you knew what your H is thinking. Or more to the point, I wish HE knew what he was thinking so he could make a decision and put an end to all this!


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I feel so much better when I re-read these posts. In the words of Mick Jagger "Time is on my side." When I meditate, I get thoughts of "sit in peace" and "be still".
I am still having trouble detaching. He has become very much like a turtle going into his shell for a couple of days with no contact. Maybe he's become a floppy turtle.


M 25 T 29
D 22 S 18
BD 9-11-15
H says he's ambivalent about staying in the marriage
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job Offline
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What your h is exhibiting in the way of sticking his head out and then disappearing for a while is typical MLC behavior. Just leave him be and when he sees that you aren't pursuing him, he'll come about a bit more. No pressure!

Sit quietly, the answers will come and do dig deeper for more patience.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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