Well something strange is happening to me, I think all this walking I'm doing has re-energised me and gave me a huge boost mentally. So I'm going to up it a notch and start the "couch to 5K" running program. I might not be able run away from his MLC, but I can run away from my own confused state. And something even stranger is happening with my behaviour. I look happier and more confident than H. It's like he is the one struggling the most, like he is the one at the receiving end of the madness. I want to help him but for the time being I know that I'm not able to.
I kept busy and active today, looking forward to my busy week ahead!
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
..... I did the first day of "couch to 5K" and found it easy !!!!
I know it doesn't sound like much, but for me it is amazing! Not only I found it easy, I even found it enjoyable. I loved closing the door behind me and doing something just for me.
On the MLC front things remain weird. H is distant and sad, I wonder if I'm missing something. Could he possibly have wanted me to kick him out and is now upset that I changed my mind? Who knows!
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Esame, Don't attempt to mind read! Your h could be sad for any number of reasons...but that's not your problem. Keep the focus on you and your children. Leave him to sulk and sit on the pity pot.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi esame, Congrats on your couch to 5k program. I hope you enjoy the process of working towards something you didnt know you could do! I think these types of goals are great for that mind- body- spirit connection. I'm rooting for you!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Esame, Don't attempt to mind read! Your h could be sad for any number of reasons...but that's not your problem. Keep the focus on you and your children. Leave him to sulk and sit on the pity pot.
Thanks job, I'll try!
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Hi esame, Congrats on your couch to 5k program. I hope you enjoy the process of working towards something you didnt know you could do! I think these types of goals are great for that mind- body- spirit connection. I'm rooting for you!
Thanks Feyth, I need all the motivation I can get.
I've been thinking of ways to start becoming financially independent in September but with the cost of childcare being astronomical I don't know what to do. I might try to get a weekend job or something so that H can look after the kids while I'm working. Any ideas for making a bit of cash would be extremely appreciated troops.
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
Check around to see if there are some positions that you can do from home, i.e., like typing resumes or research papers for others. I would put some feelers out w/temp agencies to see if they have something that you can do from home or weekends.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Esame, kudos on the 5k! Excercise helps so much, even if it's a brief escape.
Just a thought since I just had to find a babysitter and you mentioning childcare, but maybe you could help someone else out with childcare on weekends. It would give you a chance to stay with your kids and make some money at the same time.
A few busy days for me, I had my final teaching observation on Tuesday and it went well. All that is let for my course is some paperwork and putting my portfolio together! My tutor has been awsome as always, I hope I can repay her kindness one day.
On the topic of awsome ladies, my MIL had her first round of chemo and handled it like the trouper I describe her as. She is doing really well mentally, we are all so proud of her.
Met with my friend yesterday and it was lovely having some stress free adult conversation. There is an opportunity to set up a charity supporting vulnerable women, we might do something about it together.
I don't know how to describe the situation with H, I think we are mastering the art of rug-sweeping at the moment. He still seems hurt, and I still feel like I'm on automatic pilot. But something has changed in my behaviour, I feel like I have detached, but mainly as a self defence mechanism I think. I cannot explain it, it's like there is a buffer that keeps the negatives out, maybe I didn't just rug sweep, but I tool it to the next stage and wrapped myself in the rug so it creates a shield against the nasty truth of the situation. I cannot explain it, but something has shifted, that's all I can say!
The walking and running is going well, I invest hours a day out with the pram, and every other evening I go out on my own running. Could this increased exercise be the reason behind my increased energy levels? I'm not sure, but I'm discovering that I don't like the person I had become at lowest of my marriage, maybe one day I will be grateful to H for giving us this opportunity to find ourselves again. At the moment I recognise that part of my motivation is making this work for the kids, not as a back up plan, but as a great relationship. Another reason is my stubbornness and selfishness. I will not give my snake-friends the pleasure of seeing me fail. If someone has gone into the trouble of betraying all my secrets to my H, all I can do for now is to make sure their efforts have been wasted, and show them that they cannot hurt me.
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
!!!!