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LouR Offline OP
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A new chapter beginning in my life so appropriate time for a new thread.

Old thread: The book of Lou - Chapter 5
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2679449&page=1


Tomorrow starts the first day of the next chapter in my life - being a part time student eek I managed to get enrolled on a lower level bridging course which strangely gets me to the same point as the higher level one I was turned down for! so in Jan 17 I will have the necessary qualification to start a Diploma or Degree. I have not done study for many many many ....years lol, so I am entering this with a mixture of nerves and excitement.

I need to make sure I plan my time well, my work hours are the not the greatest to work study around, but I know my job is not for the long term, I am looking at changing a few things in my life, so for now I just have to muddle through as best I can.

It was my Birthday this week. I have taken a few days off work and have had some good R&R. I had a lovely day and was blessed with some beautiful cards and gifts from my g/friends and my children.

H news - contact continues, our friendship is growing stronger, we chat more and while I have been off its been more regular as I have been available in the evenings when he has the time to chat. He has been going through a rough time at work and I have tired to give him some support and distraction from the challenges he has right now. Whilst I am still removed, I will now feel the sadness of losing a friend if we dont find our way back together, as I know that for me to move forward with my life completely, h can't be in it, I recognize that I care and love him too deeply to be able to just be friends. The more we talk and interact with each other the more "normal" it feels and it will be a loss for me again now. But I suppose this is the part of giving us a chance, you have to open your heart up to allow the love in ,but opening it up gives the possibility of it being broken again.

He text me on my b/day, wished me a Happy Birthday, I thanked him, he replied that he sincerely apologizes for not getting me anything but after giving the boys money to make sure they got me something the piggy bank is empty. I told him that there was no need to apologize, just the fact he remembered, he reminded the boys and then got them organised, means the world to me.

In the past he would have just used his cc to get something but lately its all been about paying down all the debts he racked up while MIA, so much so he has given up his beloved car and exchanged it for a sensible A-B family economical car - which for a complete petrol head is a big deal! He is doing really well with the debts and it wont be long before they are cleared if he continues to keep a check on needless spending. This has been a big change with him, its good change and I hope is one that is here to stay regardless of what happens with us.

Right now, I feel in a calm place. Its been 2 years since he got in his car and drove away, so much has happened, so much changed. I never expected to be where I am, doing what I am and with him back in my life again. I can't say I am really Happy, but I am OK and I have faith that Happy is not far away.

I am aware that I dont comment on many posts at the moment, I dip in and out of the forum and keep up to date with as many threads as possible. I know that the possibility of having h back in my life interests many of you, so I will keep you updated as often as I can with how things progress ...or not as the case may be! General life is not so exciting, just settled into a every day routine and for now things are calm, which feels odd as its been a while; a bit boring (oh yes, I did say boring lol) as I have got used to so much crazy going on in my life smile

Love and hugs to all you amazing beautiful people here. You are always in my thoughts xoxo

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Lou,
Happy Belated Birthday! I'm glad you had a nice day.

I'm looking forward to reading how the course goes for you. I'm sure you'll enjoy it and will no doubt ace the course. You've got a goal and this is the first step toward reaching that goal. It may take a few years to get a Degree, but when you do, you'll have so much to be proud of.

I'm also glad that your h is still working on himself. It takes a lot of time and yes, it's difficult to consider them friends when you have a lot of contact and it appears that things are settling down in a good way. I do hope he continues to work on his finances and one day, hopefully get himself together and want to reconcile w/you.

Lou, you are an inspiration to all who read your threads. You've overcome some difficult obstacles along the way, and yet, you are accomplishing so much.

Good luck today and I am sure you will meet some new people who will also become good friends from your class. Be sure to take some time out to take care of yourself too.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi Lou and Happy Birthday!

Thank you for coming back time to time to post updates. You have been a great example to me on how to lay low and let things play out while continuing to move along. I absorb all you say, and though I struggle tremendously through this!, your posts help me to refocus. So thank you again!

Things sound positive for you in your world, I am happy for you smile


Me 48 H 46 S 11
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H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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Lou, so pleased to hear about your course starting - an exciting new chapter for you. Many happy returns to you too!!

I'm glad to hear about how things are going with your H. It's good news about the debt too, and for him to be making wiser spending choices is really encouraging.

Great to hear things are going in a positive direction for you. I always enjoy reading your updates. Xx


T 13 M 7
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D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Lou, happiest of birthdays to you, albeit a tad late! May this coming year bring you health, happiness, love and joy and only the good kind of excitement smile

Isn't it funny how you end up at the same place even though you're taking a different class? Pay attention to that - there's a lesson in there, I'm sure!

I'm glad that you and H continue to move forward. I marvel at your patience and am in awe of it, really, as I'm not sure I would have that.

Despite it being many years since you've been in school remember that you have greater motivation now. I have absolutely no doubt you will not only do fine, but will excel!!

Much love to you from across the globe xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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LouR Offline OP
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Thank you for the Birthday Greetings job, mleigh, sotto and bttrfly, you are my cheerleaders and my rocks, I am grateful to you all.

This is just a quick update as some of you may find it interesting. Its an h update:

So after a couple of weeks of h being a bit dark I received an email from him, the short version is that he went to see his new therapist after our weekend and they talked about various subjects, she concluded that this was possibly depression (no kidding Sherlock, I could him told him for free years ago!!) and urged him to see his Dr. He spent a week talking himself into going and when finally did his Dr (who he really has faith in) confirmed that he has multiple signs of depression.

The Dr recommended AD but wants h to go away and think about it first, he advised to continue with the therapy, take up activities that remove his thoughts from general everyday life and start doing more exercise.

H has taken on board all of this and is being proactive while he decides about the AD.

He wanted to apologize for not making our situation higher on his priority list right now, but that this is a lot to get his head around, that he has to accept that he is not superman and its ok to be overwhelmed, its ok not to be in control of everything and micromanage his world. For h this has been HUGE to be told he has depression and that most likely its the reason he changed his whole life.

So I finally have my answer - that this man who completely out of the blue and out of character for him seemingly decided one day that he could not do "us" anymore. In fact, he couldn't and not only that, he couldn't do life anymore. His head was telling him to get out, to leave it all behind, which he did. But really HE did not leave, which is why his feelings for me are still there, its because they never left, this fog of depression descended upon them and his life and smothered them all. He got a jolt of reality when his dear friend died tragically and that lifted the fog enough for not only his hidden feelings for me to surface, but also other buried ones.On top of that it gave him enough clarity to look at the life he created after leaving his old life and the pain and destruction he caused by doing so. He has to deal with all that he has done and own it and that is such a hard thing to have to do, I don't envy his journey at all.

It puts a whole new perspective on things, I see him struggling with all of it and feel so sad that I cannot take it away. I can only support as best I can, be as understanding as I can and allow him to work through this without pressure.

So the long road continues, but it continues with a little more knowledge.

Hope everyone had a good weekend. As always you are all in my thoughts and prayer xoxo

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Lou, happy belated Birthday, my fellow Gemini! I thought I posted this to your thread earlier, but apparently I didn’t. Thanks for posting the update.

Originally Posted By: LouR
The more we talk and interact with each other the more "normal" it feels and it will be a loss for me again now.
This is interesting… as I feel the same way sometimes. My sitch is different, but the increased communication with my H does feel “normal”… most of the times, as there were not all these years (almost 4!) since he walked away.

I’m happy to hear that your H is working on himself and taking care of his depression and other issues. This is a huge step! I have a lot of hope for both of you.

I’m wishing you a great success in your study towards your degree! This sounds exciting! You can do it Lou!


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LouR Offline OP
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Thanks for dropping by Bright, lovely to hear from you.

I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way! I can only describe it as if h is on deployment (he was airforce) and we would have our weekly/bi weekly catch up. We talk about our week, what is in-store for the weekend, what is going on with our kids, have a joke or be cheeky, wish each other a good week, take care and love you. It continues on this way, only now I don't have a rough date of his return, its all pie in the sky, possibly never.

Bizarre huh !!

Oh and thank you for the good wishes for my study, I am not quite at studying degree level yet, but have managed to get my first assignment in the for the course I am currently doing so am waiting to get my result back so I can start on assignment 2.

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Lou, funny, my H was not on deployment, but he was away in another state for work. He would fly home every other week and we would just talk on the phone and exchange the texts and e-mails in between. For a long time after the BD I felt that he was just away working and we just had a small disagreement, and that everything would be fine when he “gets back”. I wonder if this is still “ingrained” in my mind somehow, LOL.

Congratulations on turning in your first assignment. One step at a time!


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Hi, not much of an update but had a situation with h this weekend so thought I would share and journal.

So yesterday he text to say hi, which lead into the standard "hows your week been" conversation. He replied (short version) that he had had a busy week and that his company is advertising for a new GM which he is deciding if he wants to apply for .....

I established it may be based where he currently lives (our problem location), so I was good and thanked him for telling me about the job opportunity before he applied and not after he got the job. He came back that he had written and deleted dozens of texts trying to tell me whats going on and feels sick that he has now done so, but also teary that I thanked him for doing it. His words "Your a very special person x"

We text back n forth and I tried to figure out where he feels I fit in to this decision, or even if I fit into this decision. I asked him what is stopping him from applying and he replied " the main reason why I wouldn't apply is you, not actually you, but my problem with you being here"

Things turned a little tense then as on one hand this was a job he has dreamed of and to not go for it because of me, well I am not sure I can live with that. But on the other hand I am very concerned that he will just be adding to his current problems with a higher stressed position and then not deal with them.

He ended up texting that he knows why he did not send the texts now, as he feared I would push him into applying and he was right.

H-"I am no further forward with whether to take the meds or not, no more clarity on how I overcome the issues I have regarding us, I absolutely do not have the capacity to handle anymore life changing decisions"

Me - "Just read your last text back to yourself. You say you don't have the capacity to make a life changing decision right now, this is a big life changing one to be making, if you do have depression then you are not making it from a clear head space"

H - "I guess that you trying to work out (obviously be asking me, only option you have), felt like I was being put on the spot. I wanted you to know what's happening here. I am infamously bad at doing that. I hoped that sharing would help. Its all part of not over thinking and prediciting your reaction, just putting it out there and letting the universe make up its own mind. As you have pointed out, this is a big decision and you also point out that I should not be making it right now. So I see that I should not apply, which removes one thing I have to think about. See, you help smile "

I just wrote "um, glad to be of help - I think !!"

I am really not sure what to make of all this. Did he really listen to what I had to say, agree with it and make a decision based on my opinion? I am half expecting to receive an email in a couple of weeks telling me he has the job lol, but the other half is saying, actually, what ever you have requested of him lately, if it is within his capabilities, he does it, so believe what he says.

Its like running a cross country marathon and when you get to the top of a hill you can see your destination and it looks so close, but its an optical illusion, there are many more hills and winding roads to still run before you get to the finish line wink

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