A door opening...

[Sotto]

Thanks Job, I emailed XH to suggest we get some advice from an independent surveyor - though he hasn't responded yet. Fair enough, it's a holiday weekend here. It is on my mind, has affected my sleep and I'll be glad when we resolve it.

On the plus side, the house I'm (hopefully!) buying costs much less than the one we're selling, so it wouldn't be a deal breaker if we do need to reduce the price. I find it hard going having to 'partner' with XH on this though. He flips between 'let them chase us' to 'we don't want to lose this buyer!' And I do feel I need to pretty much operated as 'the sane one' here.

Having a pleasant enough weekend - couple of nice social things - and I'm at the bookstore today - it's a festival day in our town, so should be busy. I'm anticipating a bit of a tough week as I'm going up to the house to clear the rest of my stuff out....not been for many months and not looking forward to it. Glad my chums are coming with me and know I just need to dig in and get it done.

I also decided that I'm only taking things I want in my life going forward to my new house. So, I've been working on clearing out the case from under the spare bed. Into this went things I didn't know what to do with - wedding dress, photos, cards etc. The dress is going to charity and I've recycled all the cards from XH, and most of the photos. I don't want to erase this part of my life, but just decided to keep a dozen or so of the best photos and that's what I've done.

So, that's where I'm at - okay, but will be glad to get through this rather tough phase and on to the more pleasant stuff of looking forward to being in my new home etc.

Take care all xx

[Dawn70]

Great weekend, Sotto! Sounds like you had a good one and I'm so tickled for you. Concerning your only moving things you want in your life moving forward, I kind of took that approach when I moved out of our marital home too. Some stuff I had to take because XH just left some stuff and at the time, I didn't have the heart to throw stuff away. Once I got into my new home, though, I really did a cleansing and it was so very cathartic. I threw away all the cards he'd given me, Christmas ornaments we'd bought together and had personalized and that sort of thing. I kept most of our wedding pictures and a few other things like that, but what little I did keep went into my cedar chest. Like you, I don't want to completely erase that part of my life, but I don't want it cluttering my "new" one either. I donated my wedding dress to a group who takes them and makes christening gowns for parents who can't afford them. I thought what a great way to give new life to something that was once a very happy memory for me.

Hang in there as you go through stuff. I know it is tough, but you will do fine. Sounds like things are going your way and I'm so happy for you.

[Sotto]

Dawn my lovely, thanks for stopping by. It's a bit of a mixed time TBH - and a bit distracting with the various property things going on.

I have three things in tandem. Selling the marital home (and survey issues - which do seem resolvable after some surveyor advice - thank goodness). Buying a house - and stuff going on with survey etc for there. Plus my landlord now wants to list the flat, so we have two valuations and viewings starting soon too....

I think I'll feel better once my stuff is all out of the marital home tomorrow - the van is here and my various friends are all still up for it. Just need to get it done now. I've been away for a while and I'm not worried about the part where we are all there packing up - more those last few moments of leaving it you know? I already feel a bit tearful about that but I'll just try and stay upbeat and cry later if I need to when I'm home.

Wish me luck xx

[rd500]

Good luck Sotto. Often the thought is worse than the reality and you will have your crew with you. If your feeling down after , let your buddies on the internet know and we can share a nice red.

Great news on the marital home You deserve a break like that , really pleased for you

Tomorrow will be ok.

Take care Rd. xx

[Pink17]

Good luck sweetie. It's hard, and IMO you can just let your heart feel what it wants. Cry a bit and then keep moving forward with the same grace as always.

You are an amazing person and I would love to be there and help with the move. It's hard work, but it is also nice to sit among friends and drink a nice cold beer once the job is done.

Life will be even better Sotto. Maybe happiness don't last forever, but for sure neither does the bad stuff in our lives. You learned, evolved and is prettier then ever. And we all love you lots.

Big hug to you beautiful,
Pink

[JksD]

(((Sotto)))

Packing belongings from the marital home svcks. And buying a new house is also another big headache.

[Sotto]

Hi all, well gosh we made it. There were delays on the roads so it took us over 3 hours each way and we had 2 hours at the house - all a bit gruelling but all the stuff is in the flat now and the van is back. I'm so grateful to my 4 friends who travelled up/met us there to help. A few neighbours also popped in to say Hello and wish me well, which was kind.

I didn't feel particularly emotional at the house - I was in steely and business mode, and wasn't entertaining any sympathetic hugs at the front door - I just wanted to be done and off.

I did have a little cry when we got there - less about leaving the MH - more about being tired, the general emotion and thanking my friends. Anyway - it is done - and I hope I don't need to go up again - but there is rather a lot to do so I may need to offer help again, but at least I don't need a van for that.

Thanks all for your kind words of support - I needed them today!! Xx

[job]

Sotto,
I am so glad that this part of the "move/sale" of the home is complete. It's always a bit emotional when you return to the home and have to pack up belongings and move them. I'm sure are tired and it had to be a bit emotional w/your friends there helping you deal w/this today.

I hope you'll feel better tomorrow and I pray that things will go smoothly w/the house sale and yes, w/your purchase of a new home. You have so much to look forward to in the days ahead and it's all positive!

Take care.

[Sotto]

Thanks Job, in truth the trip up to the marital home took a lot out of me and I have felt under the weather the past couple of days. At some point I'll contact XH and clarify how the rest of the house is going to get cleared. I hope not to have to go up again and I have removed a lot of stuff already. I'm hoping he'll step up to the plate but if not I'll need to make plans to get things sorted.

Interesting seeing our mutual friend this week. She is the only person in our break up that tried to tread the difficult line of remaining friends with both of us. She's done as well as she can I think and has struggled with it. If you recall, XH told her the R was over a while before he told me. He was telling me 'I'm confused and don't know what I want.' She ended up telling him he had to tell me or she would - ugh.

Anyway, she doesn't hear from XH at all and hasn't for months. From her tone, she's pretty hurt and knows he's been in the area without getting in touch. She now contacts my SS directly and makes plans to meet up with him. Next weekend, she and her S are getting together with SS and his Mum. It's funny that all of us know eachother through the common link of XH - but he has totally removed himself from the picture.

Been at the bookstore today and hoping for a quietish weekend to recover from a difficult week. Going to see a movie tomorrow night and will cook lunch for the parents on Sunday. No further news as yet on the survey of the MH - sounds as though the buyers want to get an expert in to look at some timber, so that's the next hurdle. They sound like rather particular buyers, which probably isn't great news for us!!

Have a good weekend all xx

[Sotto]

Ugh, think I hurt my back moving stuff this week. Something went ping this morning as I was getting dressed and it's sore now. Plus I feel a bit plunged backwards by the visit to our marital home. It's a bit like revisiting the trauma.

I know it will pass and this is just a little tough phase, but I'm looking forward to that optimistic and calm feeling returning soon. I'll just work through it for now.

There are many good things in my life, but it just feels a bit unpleasant and complicated at the moment. I'd like for things to be settled and sorted.

I'll get there.....and thanks for reading xx