Have i been making mistakes too long part 8

[tkdmme]

Alright guys,

Im on board! I will not waste anymore of your time or great advise. This has went on long enough. Im sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Im done enabling her in the hopes that she may eventually come out of the fog.

I have been scared of the thought of lawyers and court and how I was going to afford to keep the kids in the lifestyle they have grown accustom to. The truth is, life is going to be different for everyone.

I am going to start putting this advise into practice.

I am about to leave work but I am going to work on a list of goals tonight when I get home.

I am taking D13 out for dinner tonight. I am looking forward to it.

AS always thanks for your time. Im not sure why but I feel differently. Something just clicked. I feel empowered and for the first time, I know I can get through this.

I will be posting first thing tomorrow. Have great night!

[SH_]

Now that's what I'm talking about tk!

Take that first step and enjoy the moment as you are at dinner with d13.
I look forward to hearing what your goals are and seeing what plans of action you will be putting into play. You got this.

[EDF]

Also, im so afraid that she will "take me to the cleaners" during the divorce. I just don't want her to have any more ammunition. I want to be the good guy. I still love her.

I absolutely understand the apprehension about getting taken to the cleaners, but just wanted to point out that in general it seems so far that your yielding to what she is wanting is just resulting in more demands. Realistically, she does not seem to be taking your wants into consideration at all in her decision making process so don't expect that to change when lawyers are involved - you can stand up for yourself without being nasty.

[Vanilla]

I shall be interested in reading your goals

V

[Vanilla]

V,

My plan is to go back to AA.



Good!


It is really embarrassing though. I am supposed to be a man and be able to control myself at all times but the truth us that I cant. I have to get help with this.

Let's be straight about this. Firstly in my opinion there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Or guilty or ashamed, that's self indulgent. A problem is a problem, if you had a growth or broke your arm you would seek help. The issue is to have a problem and bury it.

That which isn't acknowledged can't be tackled. So it's ok.

In fact it's more than ok, it's brave.

The W is gone and will not be returning and that is ok. I don't miss her anymore but I miss being a part of a family.

You are lonely I get it. Alcohol will make the loneliness worse.

I have no excuse for my actions at this point.

Good for you.

I know that what I have been doing is self destructive.

Yes

Im just overwhelmed.

Join the club. Your kids need you to be strong.

W keeps enrolling the kids in to camps and has signed an agreement for the use of their neighborhood pool. Im financially tapped out. I want the kids to have everything they deserve but its breaking me. She has left me with a complete mess of a house. She was a pack rat and refuses to come get her things. I feel paralyzed and cant seem to get the ball rolling on getting the house on the market. I need to get out of the house. their are too many memories.


Get a few mates together and a skip.

All three of the kids are in private school and I cant afford it. Im falling behind on payments. The AC broke down at the house and I had to get it repaired $500. It seems that everything cost 500 these days.

Alcohol could cost you everything, including your self respect.

As far as drinking, im pretty proud of myself. The new people I have been associating with are toxic. They called me all night last night trying to get me to come drinking. I was able to refuse and had a sober night for the first time in a while. Actually got some much needed rest.

These aren't real friends, are they?

My D12 had a choir concert last night. I managed to get through it although it was very difficult to see the soon to be ex. she looks so happy and like none of this is bothering her. D12 won another award. Im so proud of her.

I am trying to make it through the week with no alcohol. Im booked to play Friday night and it really scares me. If I can make it through a night of playing without drinking, I would be so proud of myself.

I hate that word try. It's an excuse for failing.

Sorry for the long post

--------------------------------

So let's see what you are going to do!

And yes this is one of the toughest sitches to deal with. There are tougher.

There are posters here who have got through alcohol dependency. Joe, Pigpen, Mutatio.

It can be done. I am nearby if you want to evaluate further and are serious.

V

[tkdmme]

As always, Thanks for the replies.

Dinner with D13 last night went very well. This is something I want to start doing once a week. We rarely get to spend any one on one time together.

I had three pianos at my house until last night. I have been trying to get rid of one and some people from down the street asked of they could have it. When I arrived home from dinner they came over with 6 big guys and a truck. The piano is 102 years old and weighs about 1800 lbs. We were able to get it moved. They have a 6 year old son and once we got it on their house he says "hey now you have show me how to use this thing". That's when it dawned on me. The perfect way to continue to play without being in the bars. A great GAL activity and a great way to make some extra money. not to mention the feeling of passing the gift of music to another generation.

I taught kids piano for a few years when I was a lot younger. Im going to start again. I am planning to make up some business cards and pass them around mine and the surrounding neighbor hoods.

As for the drinking. I have been sober (with the exception of the three beers at the gig last Friday) since 5-25-16. I know this doesn't sound like a long time but for the past 6 months or so I was drinking every night. Not just drinking but getting drunk. I am very pleased that I have been able to stay sober this long and I know if I take it one day at a time I can continue this.

I still plan on AA but have yet to go.

So, after moving the piano last night I went straight to bed so didn't get a chance to really think about or wright down any goals. However, a rough draft would sound something like this:

1. Continue my sobriety.

2. Stop dwelling on what is happening regarding the STBX.

3. Plan activities for me and my children. also, I am going to set up times to spend with each of them alone.

4. Stop blaming myself for everything.

5. GAL: Start teaching again. Continue playing golf with my son.

I need some time to think about these goals and others and I know I need to be more specific but this is what I got for now.

I feel better than I have in a while. I thinking clearer and more positive.

I had a great day yesterday and today. I have the kids tonight. they are staying all night. We are going to build a fire and roast some hotdogs. Maybe watch a movie if there is time before bed.

Thanks again and I will check back later.

[Sotto]

Pleased for you TK.....I know these are rough, but I'll offer some thoughts...

1. Continue my sobriety, attending AA once a week.

2. Stop dwelling on what is happening regarding the STBX. (Make this into a positive - focus on my own life and how I move forward positively from here.)

3. Plan activities for me and my children. also, I am going to set up times to spend with each of them alone. - You could make this more specific. I'm going to spend alone time with each of them once a week. Once a month, I'm going to take them somewhere special.

4. Stop blaming myself for everything. (Again, I always think positives are better for goals. I'm going to accept that I'm doing my best to move forward in challenging circumstances.) Each day I'm going to remember to practice gratitude and also praise myself for 3 things I have done well.

5. GAL: Start teaching again. - Distribute my teaching cards and take on 2 new pupils during June. Continue playing golf....once a week??

Just my thoughts anyway - and the teaching sounds like good GAL to me - well done TK xx

[focus22]

Awesome! Loving the positivity.

[SH_]

Sotto provides some great feedback for you to start with.

I am glad to hear you are off on the right foot.

Sleep well my friend and I look forward to updates from you.

[Vanilla]

And AA?

I am waiting to hear you have REALLY made the first step.

Why are you waiting?

V