He didn't "tell me what's going on", since I haven't actually RETAINED a lawyer, he's allowed to talk to me directly on these matters... until I retain an attorney. He told my W from the beginning that this was not something he'd typically like to do, but if she was more comfortable using him he wouldn't reject the case.
There is nothing he's doing or saying that can get him "disbarred", but ethics is certainly at question. However, he's told my W everything and she's okay with us being in contact with one another through this process, and she's actually requested he represent both sides in the D (yeah, this isn't happening, but she's the one that requested it). She still thinks this is all friendly stuff... the strange thing is, this is the SAME attorney that handled her brother's D, and she did nothing but b**** and complain about how bad he got screwed through the entire process. haha. like I said, she's lost her mind.
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And on another topic, unrelated to the D... She just called me and said, "We're out of money and I wasn't paying attention before now. I'm so sorry, but I'm at the therapists office and I need gas too." I replied, " I put $2500 in the joint checking account and told you to spend it however you want. You spend $1700 on attorneys and I'm not sure what' you've done with the rest, but no, we don't have anymore money to transfer as I need to retain my attorney tomorrow, and that's all that's available in cash. I'll put $20 in for gas in your car and just tell your therapist you'll double-pay next time."
She got all pissed off, and tried to put the blame on me somehow that she spent all the money in the joint checking. HA HA HA. Things like this, repetitive irresponsibility that she's never done anything but play the blame game on, helps me in the process. thank you.
You've handed me more than one 2x4 now. thank you cbt! haha. and you're right, I wanted to hear what she said, because I honestly don't think she even knows what's going on. My head is spinning like a mad man, but at least it's spinning on top of my neck... I don't think she even knows where her head is at anymore.
And on another topic, unrelated to the D... She just called me and said, "We're out of money and I wasn't paying attention before now. I'm so sorry, but I'm at the therapists office and I need gas too." I replied, " I put $2500 in the joint checking account and told you to spend it however you want. You spend $1700 on attorneys and I'm not sure what' you've done with the rest, but no, we don't have anymore money to transfer as I need to retain my attorney tomorrow, and that's all that's available in cash. I'll put $20 in for gas in your car and just tell your therapist you'll double-pay next time."
All I can say is don't let your heart get in the way of your head. Protect yourself. I dropped the hammer and filed first after an uncalled for argument with my STBX and she was sweet as can be. I did it all because of emotions and now am paying the price. All STBX has done is lie for months and now I run the risk of losing custody of my boys. Still fighting tooth and nail for them though.
I still struggle with emotions and how I speak to my STBX. cbtdad is right, keep them in check and you will be a much better person.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I brought it up to her... It did not go well, as expected. She said "you think you know everything, you have no clue!" I said "I'm not bringing this up to argue, I want you to know that I'm not angry at you, but rather the action and secretive nature of it. It bothers me that your talking to another man about us, and I wouldn't expect anything less if the situation was reversed." (very summarized version).
She immediately started screaming and yelling about "if you only knew! I'm trying to help our marriage! I can't believe you, blah blah blah"... She put if off as she was reaching out to him for help in this. I said," I'm okay for you reaching out for help, but who does that only when you know I'm not around (this was pre-separation), all through the night on weekends when your with the girls, until 4am and then start back up immediately the next day at 7am. I said there were over 1000 texts within a 5 day period... That's not appropriate for a marriage I want to be in".
She flat out denied ever talking to OM "through the night" or that many times... She denied talking to him yesterday right after she got off the phone with me because "she had something she had to do", and she continued the path of "you don't know jack squat" and I said "you're right, I don't know jack squat, and that's a big part of the problem, your continuing frequent conversation with another man and you weren't telling me about it, and I'm not handling it very well because I don't understand why. But what I do know is right here on the table (pointed to document with every call and text between them), and until I learn differently, that's all I will ever know.
She packed more clothes and stormed off... I knew it wouldn't go good, but in the long run, I don't think it's what makes or breaks the future between us... It's out there now, and the way she left, I'll probably be seeing those papers tomorrow. Fine by me.
It saddens me to have that talk, I don't feel any better about myself at the moment, but it's still really fresh, hearts pounding, I think her reaction has me a bit conflicted, but I feel like a huge weight is lifted off my back that I've been carrying around for months now, and it's not healthy to have that extra luggage day to day, minute to minute... It might be the straw that breaks the camels back, but if she can't see why this would be of concern to me and continues to just blow it off and lie, as much as it pains me, I'll put that right at the top of my stack of reasons on why I could be better off without.
Ouch... What a day. I'm gonna pour me a bourbon now.
For what it's worth, if she truly was doing things to "help the marriage" she could have easily offered to show you the texts to prove it. Instead she gave you lots of words, tried to make you feel guilty, etc.
I view her reaction as confirming your suspicions that her texting relationship crossed the line.
Me, WW - Upper 30s BD - Apr 1 2016 EA - Apr 7 2016 (discovered; ongoing for months; did not confront right away) Confronted wife about EA - May 17 Wife sent NC email to OM - July 11
betterm, All I can say is don't let your heart get in the way of your head. Protect yourself. All STBX has done is lie for months and now I run the risk of losing custody of my boys.
I'm sorry to hear that, JimKao. I wish the best for you in the case for the kiddos... That's one good thing about my sitch, no kids. only dogs and cats. My attorney is a woman, and sits on the bench as a family/divorce judge (2 days a week) in a neighboring county. She gave me the brutal "worst case scenario", and for me, the worst is bad, but it's not going to affect my permanent future, maybe a little maintenance and a lot of debt, but nothing I couldn't live without (aka, kids).
Originally Posted By: EDF
Sorry it was a rough day!
For what it's worth, if she truly was doing things to "help the marriage" she could have easily offered to show you the texts to prove it. Instead she gave you lots of words, tried to make you feel guilty, etc.
I view her reaction as confirming your suspicions that her texting relationship crossed the line.
Yeah, thanks for re-assuring me. I even asked while things were still [somewhat] calm, and she said I don't get to look at anything of hers anymore because of the situation we're in. She even came forward and told me she changed her email passwords, phone passwords, etc, a while back. So I said "I'm not going to argue about that, but I wasn't aware you changes your passwords, and you get alerts when someone logs in incorrectly, shouldn't that tell you I'm not snooping?" and she rejected my question completely, talking about how "I'm a security hacker guy and can probably get into it somehow if I wanted to". I told her I don't WANT to snoop through phones, and it's upsetting that our trust is so hopelessly broken to her right now. I would expect, even on the hard topics (like an EA - didn't say this), we should be able to talk and trust what each other is saying, so rather than "look" at your phone, just tell me, have you deleted any texts from OM in the past 2 months that you didn't want me to find? And she's grabbed some stuff, said she's not talking to me about any of this right now, and went downstairs... that's about the time the prepared document was brought up, and at that point, things were hot and heavy so there was no comment on "comparing texts/times" etc...
Well, wasn't expecting to her back from W for a few days at least... Missed 2 calls followed by long wall of tex about mostly nonsense. My only response back was "I'm done fighting, <wife's name>, neither of us want it, so that's it... I'm done."
Im calm now. (maybe it's the bourbon), but I just don't want to get lured into her bait anymore... It never leads to anything good for me (now, at least). Something starting off so friendly and genuine sounding always turns into the opposite. I am done.
