Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 2 1 2
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 268
M
melweb Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 268
Thanks peace~~thats a good way to put it: "walking slowly with eyes open." I do believe we are in a better place than where we were (obviously) but Rome wasn't built in a day.

Sotto~~ I agree with your assessment that H is not doing whatever takes. Though honestly, it seems to come and go. He'll be very forthcoming with whereabouts, leaving phone unattended, talking about A (which we do not talk a lot about really), etc.

Then all of the sudden, I get the "you gotta get over it, melweb, move on!!" He'll get mad that I check his phone or get mad I bring up "her."

So why don't I ask for what I need? Well, I have. I have access to his Verizon acct, and his phone password, which I do check. That is how I found out about the phone call and the texts. But truthfully, I know these things will not prevent him from another affair and keeps me in discovery mode--though its important for me to verify for sure! And I've done enough reading on A's to know that he could very well just take it further underground :where there's a will, there's a way!

Having said all that though, honestly Sotto, I don't know what I need. I wish I knew. Wait.. yes, I do: I need for the A to not have happened in the first place. But not my reality now, so in reality what do I need?? Think melweb, think!!


I will have to get back to you on that Sotto. Oh and thanks for heading me in BluWave's direction. I read some of her thread last night-- a lot of similarities, so I will go bend her ear.


Me 47 H 49 S18 S15
M 21
BD #1 11/09/15 ILYBNILY
I believe we are Piecing 1/2/16
Suspect EA/PA? 2/28/16
BD #2 "He tried, but needs passion." 2/28/16
Confirm PA 3/11/16, he's leaving in June
H leaves 5/7/16
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
Melweb

I think the most important thing for any of us to take care of ourselves

To work consistently on creating thought patterns that enforce self love, trust, self worth--
Where we can experience feelings of fear and let them go for better thoughts
it is hard work-

if there is a pattern from OUR past of betrayal and abandonment ..It may be time to clear it- it is in us-


All R have risks-Could he do it again.. maybe..could he pick it back with her -IDK
He is choosing to stay with you for today and thats all we really have

and again I haven't walked that road, but I think the focus of our happiness and trust has to start with us

peace


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 268
M
melweb Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2015
Posts: 268
Hey Cil~~ sorry I missed your post this morning; we must have been posting at the same time. To answer your question, yes,there are 4 colleges in the area, but whether they have counseling programs, I am unsure. I will look into though--thanks for the suggestion.

For the most part, I am doing ok. At this point, it feels like A is not even the issue anymore, but all that has happened since, and needs to happen in the future, in order for this M to work. Or more importantly, be better than it was. The hard work has just begun.

peace~~you have a way with words! I do believe that trust and happiness is a choice, and I have come a long way on both. Much like having an A--its a choice, his choice, and he def could choose it again. I have no control over that, but as you lovingly pointed out, he is choosing to stay with me.


Me 47 H 49 S18 S15
M 21
BD #1 11/09/15 ILYBNILY
I believe we are Piecing 1/2/16
Suspect EA/PA? 2/28/16
BD #2 "He tried, but needs passion." 2/28/16
Confirm PA 3/11/16, he's leaving in June
H leaves 5/7/16
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
P
Member
Offline
Member
P
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
M

Keep us posted and enjoy the journey!


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Page 2 of 2 1 2

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard