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So, I think the hardest part about detachment for me is fearing that when she has the kids I won't get to know how they are doing, and she has the kids more than me. I'm going to do it this time though.


Me: 38 y/o
W: 38 y/o
Together: 10 yrs
Married: 7 yrs
S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15)
WBD: Sep '15
W's EA confirmed Oct'15
W Filed Dec '15
Personal awakening Mar'16
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,056
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Be in the moment CRW, well perhaps not this surgery moment :-) Find another moment that will make you smile, one with just you and your kids in it.


Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
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Well, surgery went well, and the pain meds seem to help keep my mind from getting too crazy!

Does not calling for the kids because I want to detach from her make me a bad dad?


Me: 38 y/o
W: 38 y/o
Together: 10 yrs
Married: 7 yrs
S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15)
WBD: Sep '15
W's EA confirmed Oct'15
W Filed Dec '15
Personal awakening Mar'16
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 2,045
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Originally Posted By: CRW
Well, surgery went well, and the pain meds seem to help keep my mind from getting too crazy!

Does not calling for the kids because I want to detach from her make me a bad dad?


I don't think it makes you a bad dad. I don't think it's a requirement to talk to your kids every day to be a great parent.

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No it doesn't, I don't speak to my kids everyday, in fact I don't speak to them when they are with her and vice versa. What makes you a great Dad is when you have them and you make the time quality. Don't we say quality over quantity for so many things..

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OK, thanks guys, I need that encouragement. only contact was 24 hours ago i called and talked to the kids, no conversation with them. I think going forward if I feel like I really want to talk to them, I will simply call s15's cell.


Me: 38 y/o
W: 38 y/o
Together: 10 yrs
Married: 7 yrs
S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15)
WBD: Sep '15
W's EA confirmed Oct'15
W Filed Dec '15
Personal awakening Mar'16
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
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CRW Offline OP
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OP Offline
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
its been hard not to get trapped in the 'my family should be with me to hep me right now' mindset.


Me: 38 y/o
W: 38 y/o
Together: 10 yrs
Married: 7 yrs
S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15)
WBD: Sep '15
W's EA confirmed Oct'15
W Filed Dec '15
Personal awakening Mar'16
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
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CRW Offline OP
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
OK, 48 hours no contact. I'm starting to get a little weak here, but I think it is for the best.

On a side note, my knee hurts like a mf'er, so at least that is helping to keep my mind off everything a little!


Me: 38 y/o
W: 38 y/o
Together: 10 yrs
Married: 7 yrs
S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15)
WBD: Sep '15
W's EA confirmed Oct'15
W Filed Dec '15
Personal awakening Mar'16
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
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CRW Offline OP
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OP Offline
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
well, she had the kids call me tonight, breaking the no-contact streak. was nice to talk to them. D3 informed me that dessert was her favorite meal smile

It was interesting that when my knee surgery came up she was pretty annoyed that I hadn't told her the details about it.


Me: 38 y/o
W: 38 y/o
Together: 10 yrs
Married: 7 yrs
S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15)
WBD: Sep '15
W's EA confirmed Oct'15
W Filed Dec '15
Personal awakening Mar'16
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,056
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Ideally, if you can call the kids without her being in that space then it should be easier for you. But again, you're worrying what she's thinking when you call them.

On my side, i introspected a few weeks back that I was trying to stoop to my WW's level, in terms of getting a reaction, which is being vindictive. But i slowly turned that and realised that I was smarter than she could ever be vindictive.
Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses.


Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
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