MLC W with OM, Part 12

[Wet]

A Friday Lawyer Joke, an oldie but a goodie:

The “animal rights” movement has made it increasingly hard to use rats in laboratory experiments.

So, as an alternative, medical researchers have started using attorneys as their test subjects.

They have found some surprising benefits of performing the experiments on attorneys:

-they have scientific proof that at the genetic level, attorneys are closer to human beings than rats;

-the laboratory assistants don’t get as emotionally attached to the attorneys; and

-there are some things that rats will not do.

[AJM]

Still love the jokes, Wet. Just for fun, "Why shouldn't you eat a clock?"
"Because it's too time-consuming"

I'm emotionally healthier than I've been in a long time.

And that self-awareness is incredibly important, Wet.

The question that comes to mind is why? Why were you emotionally un-healthy and when did that start, do you think?

AJ

[bttrfly]

sounds to me like w's atty is doing her best to line her own pocket ... just my $.02 ... do you have adequate representation?

not to mention, i feel great fear around S being in w's sole custody with that awful guy ... praying for you Wet ...
stay the course xoxoxo

[Wet]

AJ, thanks for the joke. Why am I emotionally healthier and not still trying to please W, or give in to her demands? It's easy, I have learned detachment from DB and see more clearly if s14 is protected and safe, it is the best for everyone.

Thanks also bttrfly. My attorney is a crazy bum - ya, I am representing myself (over 20 years as a lawyer).

I had s14 for the weekend. I continue to be able to walk farther and grow in my strength. So we were able to go to his favorite place to eat - Bdubs, which made us full and happy. Word from his sisters is that s14 has a gf who lives close to W's place. Which makes him spending time with me more and more difficult.

I still have lost my vocal chords. After I rejected her last proposal, W said she would not agree to cancel last week's court hearing. So I contacted the judge directly explained I was recently hospitalized and can't speak, and could the judge please cancel the hearing, and that W would not agree to this. The judge agreed with me, W looked foolish, and we have mediation in July.

W's attorney asked for me to send her my most recent settlement proposal, which sounds like a positive step.

[AJM]

Hey Wet, not quite the question I was after in this case. Nice dodge though

I'm more interested in before, vs. now. I get that you are more detached. That's clear from the postings that you are more detached. But why WEREN'T you emotionally healthy BEFORE? i.e. Before the BD? What was different about you?

AJ

[Wet]

Hi AJ, why am I more emotionally healthy now than before? Pre- BD I made my life revolve around W and her happiness. I sacrificed my own happiness, my children's happiness, to make sure W had what she wanted.

As an example, as we were going thru tight financial times, W decided (w/o asking me) to become a puppy and rare breed kitten breeder. At times, she could get over $1k for one of these hypo-allergenic kittens.

Two big problems - W never contributed to the household finances and I never said a word. Also, W did not clean up after the animals, which led to a really unclean house for me and the children. She tried to have the kids do the cleaning, but the kids didn't want to clean up animal pee and feces. At times we had over 10 kittens, and I am sure you can imagine the mess that this caused.

It got so bad that a couple of the pregnant cats somehow got into the walls, and W took a hammer and put about a dozen large holes in the walls/ceiling looking for the mother cat/recently born kittens. Our house looked like abandoned property.

[Wet]

Friday Lawyer Joke:

Three men die at the same time. They walk up to Heaven’s Gate together. St. Peter greets them outside the Pearly Gate and informs them that prior to admission into heaven, they must pass one more test. They must answer a question correctly.


Peter asks the first man about his Earthly profession. The man says, “I was a history teacher.” St. Peter smiles and says, “We like history teachers here in Heaven. I’ll make your question easy. There was a big ship that traveled from England for America.

In a famous accident, the ship hit an iceberg and many people died. Please name the ship. The teacher replies, “I believe that the ship was the Titanic.”

St. Peter welcomes the teacher into Heaven.

St. Peter then asks the second man about his Earthly profession. The man replies that he was a garbage collector. St. Peter notices that the man has not showered and emits a very noticeable odor. St. Peter decides to make his question harder. St. Peter’s question for this man is, “How many passengers and crew were on that ship when it hit the iceberg?”

The garbage collector replies cheerfully, “I know that answer. I read a story about the accident. There were 2,228 passengers and crew aboard.”

St. Peter is amazed that the man got the answer correct, but graciously welcomes him into Heaven.

St. Peter then queries the third man, who replies that he had been an attorney on Earth. St. Peter’s facial expression turns to a sardonic smile as he announces the test for the former attorney: “Name the passengers and crew.”

[AJM]

Hi AJ, why am I more emotionally healthy now than before? Pre- BD I made my life revolve around W and her happiness. I sacrificed my own happiness, my children's happiness, to make sure W had what she wanted.

Looking back, Wet, was it always that way? Or was that something that gradually happened and kind of "snuck up" on you?

AJ

[ciluzen]

Hi AJ, why am I more emotionally healthy now than before? Pre- BD I made my life revolve around W and her happiness. I sacrificed my own happiness, my children's happiness, to make sure W had what she wanted.

I think this is one of the things that makes being the LBS or MLC S so difficult. You feel that you tried so hard to make your S happy, sacrificing your own wants and needs to do so, and then they just leave; if not physically, then emotionally. It creates a victim mentality in us that is sometimes hard to break out of.

Totally enjoying your L jokes. I'll go back to lurking again. :-)

[AJM]

C, I don't think of myself as a victim in any way. I haven't always felt that way, but looking back, I realize I did what I did. No regrets, no excuses. But I do see some similarities in Wet's posting, to my own.

It's been a long time since BD for me. Another lifetime ago. And looking back, I do see some times I did some things that, at the time, I thought was the right thing to do for my relationship. In the context of being married (joined in my mind), I saw it as a team effort. If one of the team needed some help, then the other needed to provided that. We were working toward a common goal. That's not just me saying it, my ex told me once she "couldn't be the good little wife anymore" and I took that as her not being on the same team any longer (amongst other things.) I had to explore this to understand if it was just my perception or the ramblings of a MLCr. Or both

I think what I'm hearing from Wet is the more honest look back at a long running imbalance in the relationship. At the time, I doubt it was perceived that way. That's not Wet's way from what I'm gathering. It wasn't mine, I do know that.

All along it has been my steadfast goal to not re-remember history. What is, is. What was, was. Not excuses, no revisions. And if I'm honest, I had a pretty good marriage for a lot of years. But there were some imbalances to be sure. One of those was similar to what Wet describes. And I think that's a normal thing in the sense that we try to fill a void, when presented with it. In a healthier relationship, that void is temporary in my experiences.

I'm wondering if in Wet's, it wasn't temporary. If, looking back it turns out that things weren't as good in the relationship for longer than previously expressed and thought.

Maybe. Maybe not. But I do feel it is worth exploring for the sake of perspective.

At no time do I believe that any of us are victims though. We always have choices. We often choose based on reference (what we view as "normal" whether FOO or societal norms) from what I've seen and experienced.

Come to think of it, what do I know anyway?

What do you think, Wet?

AJ