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Just checking in on you Phoebe and hope you managed to get a reasonable night. I understand your comment about hoping to get your life back. For most of us, BD irrevocably changes our lives and the old R effectively comes to an end. Whether it can be rebuilt just depends on whether both parties want to try again at some point.

Receiving papers needn't be the end of hope. If you want to stand in hope of a restored M at some future point, that is up to you. I stood for my own M until the D was finalised. However I'm not a stander after D and that's my choice.

You may not get your old life back - but for sure as one door painfully closes another does open and there will be much happiness, warmth and joy in your life to come. You just need to keep moving towards that - it takes time but we get there.

Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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I am so sorry to hear about what happened. I can understand how you feel. I remember being in a daze after the D was finalised and being unable to find my car for the next 1 hour.

This all seems so unreal, doesn't it?

(((Phoebe)))

Your H is an a$$ left behind by the body snatchers. They may or may not return him but in the meantime, he is the cowardly a$$ that he is, and you must not expect him to act like how he used to be.

Do what you need to make you feel better. If you don't want the D, then don't help it go through faster.

Do you think you would feel better with family around? Would your parents be able to be with you?


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
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Try and keep strong, it's the hope that hurts the most!

You can have a great life without him.


Me: 40 W: 36
T21 M17
S12 D10 D10
ILYBNILWY
EA happened.
PA happened.
June 2016
trying to piece our M and life's back together...
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Good morning Phoebe.

I see that you have not posted in over 7 hours, so I am going to make a positive assumption that you have been sleeping. And sleep is what you need after the trials of yesterday.

Now, be sure and eat a healthy and hearty breakfast, as a sound diet can benefit both the body and mind, and you need to be physically fit, so you can maintain a healthy mind.

Next, set a good plan for today that will keep you busy, and distracted with things that can provide joy, a smile, and even some laughter. As with the food, you may not feel like it, but force yourself to do it. Watch the TedTalks on happiness that I suggested if you need a kick start.

You will have a better day today. It will take some effort, but I will be here to coach you through. Your " training " is not over, and we have some work a head of us, but we can do this. You can do this. You will do this.

Meditate. 3 minutes. Smile. Pencils. Care for the baby chicks. Saddle up. Neature. Watch out for the tree poop. ( hopefully you watched that episode. D5 said that yesterday on our walk and it made me giggle how she recalled that from the neature vids)

Spread you wings today. Repeat these words frequently.

I can
I must
I will.

Google these words with the name Eric Thomas. He is someone I follow on YouTube, he has gone through some crazy times in life, and he inspires me to keep going when I least feel like I can do it.

I will be back shortly to see how you are doing.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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Good morning. I did sleep last night, on the order of 8 hours of hydroxyzine-induced sleep that I so needed.

I'm still lying in bed, wishing I could sleep the day away, but no such luck. First thoughts of the day - all about H. Ugh. Back to that again. I wrote him a super brief email yesterday day wondering if the legal card had something to do with him, but no response at all. That probably says all I need to know. Every other time I've sent him anything he has responded quickly. This one he's not touching.

Tired and want to sleep more. I think I'm going to lay here a bit longer and just veg.


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
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C'mon Phoebe! Vegging will just let the mind wander and we don't want that this morning.

I know it will take some effort to shake the sleepy meds and focus on something other than H.

Put some good things into the mind. A Certain 3 minute meditation will make you smile. Then use that energy to get moving.

You can do it. You need it this morning.

I am here cheering you on, so don't make me go get a 2x4..... wink


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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Glad you got a full night! I slept about 6 hours on meds and am also still in bed. Woke as usual with the WH situation on my mind. Have to work at noon so still have time to lay here and ruminate. Need to walk the dog shortly.

Wish I also could not think of H and OW first thing in the morning (and most of the day). Need a channel changer for the brain!

It's hard to have to deal with these things, but it sounds like you by now have a good support system in place and have had a time-out to recover a little from last round... It's awful but there's no way around it. Lean on your L and all the others who support you. Be patient and kind with yourself.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
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Ok. I lay here for 2 hours, trying to fall back to sleep to no avail, but it was comfortable and warm and cozy. Those are good things, so I call it a bit of nice me time.

I did listen to the f-that meditation again and the comment about the 3-ring sh1t show gets me every time. More circus analogies!!

It's a shaky morning. I can feel it when I'm laying still. That's OK. I'm going to ignore it. Time toget up and do this.

I'm thinking of the kids song: Just put one foot in front of the other, and soon...

I looked that and up just now, and it is from yet another old animated Christmas program. What's with me and the Christmas stuff lately?


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,081
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Maybe because the only "gift" H gave me for Christmas was an email telling me he wanted to live apart?

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. One thing I know for sure is that I am going to try very hard to keep it that way, despite all this circus stuff.


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,732
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I'm never gonna be able to go to the circus again now that it has been related to such a crazy time in our lives. Lol

Yes, it is important that we keep sacred good times and seasons for ourselves in spite of others committing crimes against us during those times.
Keeping it as a happy time for yourself ensures you are keeping the power for yourself.


Put one foot in front of the other.......


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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