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Joined: Mar 2008
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dbs Offline OP
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Joined: Mar 2008
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So it's been 6 years. We've stayed in touch over the years and though both of us have dated a little, nothing serious. She says that she would never marry again, except to me and I make every effort to try and get that to happen, but it's very hard to get any committemnt from her on a timeline.

Tonight she says she feels God would want her to do it, she's tired of being single, and the #1 reason she felt the need for a divorce (she didn't like oral sex-just don't tell her body) would not be a concern any longer, but she feels like she's gotten to old to do the hard work required everyday that a marriage requires.

Of course she loves to be able to call me and bounce things off me and discuss her work issues or times with the kids, but as far as picking a date and agreeing to it...scares her to death.

I'm about burned out and a half and find myself resentful of feeling like the only one having to do any work on this relationship and when I try to kindly tell her that, she says she's working on it, but is just having a hard time feeling the desire to make it a priority. Like that would make a successful marriage???

Feeling a little bummed that I'm the only one rowing the boat! Ideas?

Joined: Nov 2009
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Why would you marry someone that is only using you?


Me-70, D37,S36
Joined: May 2011
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Here's an idea for you DBS, put down the oars and step away from the boat. You seriously need to detach. I have been dabbling thru your old posts, way back to 2008! In Nov 2010, after your final divorce hearing (so sorry frown ) you wrote
Originally Posted By: DBS
Part of me griefs. Part of me celebrates the end of being yo-yoed all over creation.
For me, I need to create a safe space she cannot enter in for quite awhile, including ZERO contact until I have been able to work through things.

Sounds like your ex is back to yo-yoing you. She sounds SO much like my ex. He does not want me, but cannot actually let go, and calls or texts all the time, even though he is engaged to OW #5 or 6. This is such a cliche, but honestly, although DBing did not save my marriage, it saved my sanity and soul and heart. It took over 5 years, but I truly got to a place where his shenanigans did not hurt me anymore, and I was able to cut thru that yo-yo string and move on.

Being tired of being single is not a good reason to get married. She admits that she is not willing to do the hard work every successful relationship needs, and has no desire to make you and your relationship a priority!? I don't blame you for feeling resentful. I agree with Cadet. Why would you want to marry someone who is only using you?

Take your own advice - create a space she cannot enter, and work thru things on your own. Detach. Move on. It's time!

Tell us about yourself. Is your son still living with you? How are your other kids doing? All grown up and out of the house I bet! Do you have any grand kids?


Linda

Me 65, Ex 64
M 38 y
2 adult S, 4 G-Kids
MLC 11/07
BD 12/09
D 3/14
Dating nice guy 7/14
Engaged to nice guy 12/17

Moderated by  Michele Weiner-Davis 

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