It's okay. Feel the pain/sadness and then release it. I hope you feel better soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Mia, it's not easy but every day is a new day and you will get through this. Thinking of you.
Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Had a chat with his mum last night and she was very candid about saying ow is manipulating all this, that I should divorce him because he's been an idiot, that contact between h and her is limited...she rings he doesn't answer and texts days later...but something she said has made me think this has all been about money.
H told his brother that apparently we nearly lost the house!! First I'd heard. I knew that things were really tight about 2 years ago b4 he started this new job . He also said apparently whenever he talked about money I just went 'lalalalala' . That happened once years ago. So is this what this is all about. Is this my fault?
No, it's not your fault. They come up w/all types of excuses for what they are doing. If your family was in a financial crisis and he was very much aware of it, then he should have sat down w/you and discussed the matter. He should have shown you the accounts and pointed out what was happening. If things were so horrible in your marriage, he should have been man enough to sit down and talk to you about all of it. Did he do that? No, he chose to hook up w/ow.
He's got issues, issues that you can't fix...only he can. You can only own 50% of the problems in your marriage and not the full 100% of the problems. Every marriage has bumps in the road, but both parties work together to level those bumps out. The crisis people don't have coping skills and they take the road of least resistance. Please stop trying to drink the kool-aid he's serving up. It's not tasty at all.
I agree with job that your H should have come to you about finances. But take this opportunity to look at the situation and really analyze it. What part do you need to own? Can you find a 180 you can work on in all that? Hown can you make this situation work for you & grow as a person from this?
My H said I never accepted his family. The truth was I let the disfunction of his family get to me & reacted to it in a negative way, trying to change THEM. Well we all know that doesn't work! I owned my shortcomings and now I let the sh!the storms wash over me without reacting & pushing H to "do something about it". I firmly say that I'm not going to loan/give $$ or go out of my way to help but that's the end of it. I used to create a fight with H pushing him to stand up to his family & try to fix their crap. Not anymore! And guess what, H tends to stand up to them more now to tell them he isn't going to help so stop asking.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Mia, we are all bound to get some off days. If we weren't I'd worried. From experience each day gets better, even if it's a tiny tiny step. You have done nothing wrong, H should have talked to you about finances! Mine always refused to listen to me when I was telling him about it and he'd rather bury his head in the sand than deal with it! You can't read his mind, nor can he read yours.
Now that we are on holidays, what are your plans for the week? As you are in the UK and if you are not far from me you can come and join me for my packing party :-).
Your posts are showing that you are getting stronger each day, keep sailing where your destination is: rediscovering Mia :-)
I am getting stronger , I can sense that in my interactions with h. H has kids this weekend , has taken them to Wales with ow. I heard him telling our youngest to make sure they were ready to go as it was along trip. Alarm bells rang as I thought he's going to bring her to my home. I made it very clear ' do not bring that woman to my house' his response was quite a pathetic ' I'll sort it' and she wasn't in the car when he picked kids up. Unless she went separately he must have dropped her somewhere.....pathetic but did make me laugh.
Where are you rouky?
If I can get someone to baby sit dog I might go up to cousins whilst kids are away .
Mia - just want to cheer you on!! The first step is realizing you are not powerless in his mess. And yes, it is his mess. Keep going!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Hi Mia, I'm glad you are feeling stronger....and that was funny about OW - maybe she was waiting around the corner?! It is good when you can see the humour in these situations. After all, would you want to go out with a guy where you have to duck out when he goes to collect his kids because you are the OW?
Hope you enjoy the long weekend.....been some lovely weather! Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
