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Originally Posted By: KyleR
I don't want a relationship that I have to fight for.

We all know that this makes no sense. There are no relationships that proceed on autopilot. Life happens. Disagreements happen. They are natural. And they are healthy.

Unfortunately, you cant tell her this right now. It's going to need to be something she learns on her own.

She has started you down two separate paths. Let her walk on hers. You walk on yours. Maybe someday in the future, they will cross again.

Originally Posted By: KyleR
I'd like to draw a line under things and move on without all of this, constantly bringing things back up. Please.

Well, at least you can see the drawbacks of pursuing and R talk. It doesnt do any good for you. So just leave her be for some time. It's time to get to work on rebuilding you into KyleS, a man only a fool would leave.

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I'm just struggling to piece together how I got to this point? She has told people that she knows she is never going to find someone as kind, caring and loving as me, she has said I'm a wonderful dad and that she will always love me. None of her actions make sense

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Originally Posted By: KyleR
I'm just struggling to piece together how I got to this point? She has told people that she knows she is never going to find someone as kind, caring and loving as me, she has said I'm a wonderful dad and that she will always love me. None of her actions make sense


Her actions make perfect sense if you dont believe anything that she is saying.

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Originally Posted By: KyleR
I'm just struggling to piece together how I got to this point? She has told people that she knows she is never going to find someone as kind, caring and loving as me, she has said I'm a wonderful dad and that she will always love me. None of her actions make sense


Kyle,

This is part of the script. If you want to better understand these things review others stories. Read MWD theory for the WAW. do what ever research you need to to understand, but also know that ruminating on it for to long will not help you right now. It is important that you focus on you. Heal yourself by following DB principles. It is imperative that you heal you. Let her find her way.

Check out Guy Winch's TedTalk for emotional first aid. You need to start your healing process so you can be strong enough to take on the rest. Trust me, if you do the work you can shorten the pain and process for to get to a stable place.

We are here, we will share advice and 2X4's as you need them.
But today, you need to,
Stop
take a breath
be kind to yourself
Be gentle with the thoughts racing in your mind.
Do something to take your mind off of it all.
Do something with someone, so you are not alone with the thoughts today.

Keep us posted and we can talk your through it today.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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Kyle,

Reading through your thread has brought back so many bad memories. I continually broke the rules and tried to talk the STBX out of the Separation. None of it works. Its crazy but my WAW responded to me with almost the exact same words as yours has.

It blows my mind how similar all of these situations are.

Im in no shape to give you advise but if you want to know what not to do, read my latest posts.

Stay patient and listen to the folks here. I remember when I first joined the forum thinking that these people are crazy. Don't talk to her, give space, act as if, GAL. I was thinking, that will never work.

Keep posting buddy. this is the greatest site on the web for people going through this hell.


M:39
W:40
S:10
S:7
D:12
BD:3/5/15
Separate BR:3/5/15
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Does anyone have advice on how to handle seeing her when I have to pick up and drop off the kids?

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I would try to be cordial, but do it quickly. do not try to hang around, waiting for conversation. In And Out...


Me-LBH, 44
Spouse-WAW, 41
Married for 9 years
S, 7 S, 5
BD - November 20th 2015
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Originally Posted By: KyleR
Does anyone have advice on how to handle seeing her when I have to pick up and drop off the kids?


Been going through this myself. For the first few days I had tears, and a little anger. Now? I try to be friendly, discuss whatever pertains to our son, and let things dissolve when she wants. This situation is the last in which she'll discuss you and her. Difficult? Yes. You have to fight the urges, or it's likely she'll say something to hurt you.


Me: 35 W: 32
S: 4
T: 6 M: 4
Physical Separation official: 5/21
Currently: DR/DBing, Focusing on me and son

Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock.
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Kyle, handle the drop offs as they should be, a time when you are picking up or dropping off the most important people in your life, your kids. Be cordial with her, say hello, goodbye, but like jb said, don't linger. You don't need to make conversation with her, if she does, respond appropriately and then end the conversation, attention back to your kids.

It's not gonna help your situation to tell her how you feel about you two, she already knows and doesn't want to hear it. It's the hardest thing ever, not to be able to talk to your wife, but that's what you need to not do.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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After time is the child hand over the best time to show I'm getting my life together and moving on with a happy life?

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