Little update, having a great time on vacation with the kids. We have played in the pool every morning, went to the cinema last night and watched the Jungle Book, we were out on the water on my dads boat all afternoon today. Heading to a wildlife park tomorrow. Kids have been awesome, travelled really well on the flights. Enjoying just playing and relaxing.
Only W news to report is she 'liked' one of my Dads pictures of me and the kids playing together in the pool on Facebook. I have just filed it under the random pile and moving on... If she wants the single life over this, her loss, I will take this all day long. These are memories you just can't get any other way.
I'm happy to hear you're enjoying yourself. We need to be the best dad's in the world.
My WW moved to the second bedroom (God had a reason he got us a 3 bedroom house) and I asked my S4 where he wants to sleep, and he said he wanted to sleep with dad. Obviously my WW does not care about the response, but i do, and that's all that matters.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Had a great week with the kids in Bahrain and made some wonderful memories. Kids never asked for mum at any point, were happy to see her when we got back and tell their stories of course. They did speak to her once in the phone, I just left the phone on the table and went out on the balcony, didn't talk to W at all. Drive home went fine, kids mostly talked to her. I did bring up my next trip away with the kids, taking them away again in August for 2 weeks. I didn't ask W any questions about her week, she told me she put about 600km on the car, I just answered no problem. She also told me about a weeks holiday she wants to take to meet one of her old girlfriends, I know she has been planning to do this for several months. Again I just replied no problem, didn't ask where she was going.
Dropped the kids and her at her place and left. Received 2 texts this morning about the kids not having rain coats and if I could drop them at daycare, although 2nd text opened the door to go see her and take them to her. I dropped them at daycare. Have felt that she is testing the waters with these little reach outs for me to question or see her. Don't actually feel the need to or even the desire to these days.
Feel really good, just moving on. Will miss the kids this week but need to get some training done so ok with the extra time to do that. Long weekend coming up, working on my plans for that. Haven't made any as yet but have a few things in mind.
Had a great day today, went to Innsbruck, Austria and spent the day walking around the city. It was such a beautiful day too, the surrounded by the Alps. It was so cool, just walking where ever I felt like.
Now, I'm just sitting at home, a thunderstorm has started and is rolling over me. I have the door open, just listening to the rain, watching the incredible light show going on. If W was here, everything would be shut up, I'd be holding her (she hates lightning) as she would pull me away from the window. We would be changing sides of the bed tonight as she wants to be away from the window. Now I'm just enjoying one of natures light shows as I have always liked to do. It's times like this that you forget how you have stopped doing th ethings you like for someone else.
When we lived apart in the early parts of our relationship, (we did over a year of long distance right at the beginning), I would get phone calls wishing I was there with her when a thunderstorm happened, she would write letters if she couldn't call. Now she has only herself as she has the kids at the moment. The sky is just lighting up like crazy tonight.
I found this bit of advice from Coach from years back. I have enjoyed reading his posts. I have seen parts of me in it and have seen how at times I have smothered my W. All part of my learning curve.
"Let me offer a theory I have, I hope no women read it. Here it is: Men are like dogs, woman are like cats. Dogs like to sleep, eat, play ball/hunt and be petted. If the dog screws it will take his lumps and then want to make up right away. Dog is always glad to see you, wags its tail, jumps on you, slobbers on you and will do whatever you want. Women are like cats, just try to figure one out. Call it and it runs away, ignore the cat and it jumps on your lap. Now you start stroking the cat and the cat starts purring (you think you got it figured out now) then the cat turns, bites you and runs away. Why? Who knows?! Cats are just different animals. You are working way to hard. Does your wife ever say you smother her? Mine has. It's because I am a Labrador Retriever and she is a cat. The point is you are trying to fix the cat by still acting like a dog. Just let the cat do its thing and you be there for it to jump in your lap."
Sandi, for me there has been a pattern emerging. When there is a gap between contact, I get this collection of texts usually of information about the kids that really isn't necessary with no questions. I don't respond to these since there really is nothing to respond to.
I feel so much more comfortable with myself, enjoying the space to rebuild myself and add the new parts to becomeing a better me. I haven't concerned myself with what she is doing, and if I come across anyone she has contact with, I just be that happy person I am becoming and don't ask anything about her. It is so much more refreshing to feel this way. I had to hit rock bottom myself a few months ago, but feel so much better now.
I actually have a cat at home and he follows me everywhere at the moment and as soon as I sit down he is over in a shot since I'm hardly at home these days.
I have no expectations that W will return and am OK with that now, I will be fine either way!
I think that is how we rebuild. Start with ourselves, then the MR. The advantage of living in separated houses, is that you have the time and space to find yourself again, without the emotional congestion that often comes with living under the same roof.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
One thing I have noticed with W and I'm struggling at times to know to be. There are times when W says things that can lead to me asking questions but I haven't asked anything about her life for the last 5 months. She gives me information and, like I said, gives these openings for questions. She doesn't ask questions to me (directly). I really am just focusing on rebuilding me alone and being the best Dad I can when I have my kids. I know she needed space, I have looked back at things last year when she would blow up at me and it was because we were always around eachother and we were not communicating our needs effectively.
Could these be examples of just checking were I am?
