5 weeks in since she said she doesnt love me.(2)

[DDJ]

It's protecting yourself. Like with coconut. You don't know to hold her near or throw her off the nearest water fall.

But as sandi says, if she's complying, let her in slowly. Do you have anything else to lose?

[Coconut]

Natus, read from page 7 in my sitch, it's me discussing the same things you are seeing in your W. Sandi's response at the end addressing feelings/ necessary actions at this time for you.

Blu also put a good comment about just knowing its real in your gut. Trust but verify.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2677177&page=7

[Natus]

Thanks Coconut DDJ.

Coconut i read your link through to the end. Man how similar our stories are although we are not at cuddling stage yet. My W is even going out with her sisters this weekend overnight and even though i know its with her sisters i am still getting anxiety pangs.

Im being light and positive around her. Beamed at her this morning after kissing my son then gave her a light kiss before heading out but once in the car and driving away i feel mostly sad.

Its as Sandhi described in your link. I was so desperate to get intimate with her before but now im getting anxiety attacks wondering what i would do if she suddenly did come on to me (although i dont think we are close to there yet) .

[Natus]

Bugger, i think i may have moved to fast letting her in. Just as soon as i did she went straight back into the fog again.

[Natus]

Im a little pissed off with the mind games.

I was going to drop my GAL activity going out of town next weekend and told her so. No sooner after im being treated like a spare wheel again.

[Natus]

So went back to the 37 steps. Do not initiate convo, keep it short and to the point, dont pursue etc and guess what now shes messaging me like crazy. Talking to me and i spied her out of the corner of my eyes watching me but i busied myself in my books. If i had turned to her she'd probably ask me what is up but i really dont want to have that conversation now.

Im going to go ahead and go away this weekend on a GAL trip. Shes expecting me to go on the kickboxing trip but i want to do a complete 180 on go somewhere else alone. The kickboxing trip is technically me working and she knows that. I want to go somewhere and have some me time instead.

Im going to have to tell her where i am going though.

[Natus]

Day 2 no initiating or hanging onto convo.

Last night went to her family's side for bbq and karaoke. Spent most of the time chatting away with her brother and family. Realized i got a good relationship with her family. I am accepted, respected and am well family. Her sister (the only one W confided in) talked to me and hopes i will hang on. She doesnt want to see us separate. Shes been down the road before. So atleast i know shes in my corner when she spends time with my W.

W was bringing me food and beverages during the BBQ, it was alittle surreal. Like everything was normal. All in all it was a nice family time and i let myself enjoyed it.

I dont know why but i think she expected me to pursue her last night when we got to bed. She laid down and faced me for a few minutes from her side of the bed (she usually faces away immediately). I kinda avoided eye contact though, If she wanted to talk she could have said something. Im really not going to initiate. Im done pursuing until i see real signs.

[Natus]

Why only day 2, cause im starting fresh.

[Natus]

So day 3 was meh in terms of no initiate anything and keeping convos short.

we went to my little niece's bday party and there were so many babies. I was beaming and playing with them and I couldnt help but think this irked the W a little as she knows i would love to have another kid but she doesn't want one. Didn't really care and just made sure our Son enjoyed the party.

So we gets home and i am reading him books before bed. She suddenly jumps in after im done with first book and demands to read son the next book. I was a little taken aback as it seemed like she was making it a competition. I couldn't help but wonder her motives. Is this part of that fog behaviour people on this forum talk about?

[JksD]

Yes, Natus, Ww can be competitive. Anything we can do, they can do better. Anything we can do, they can do too. (cue Sound of Music)

If we look good, they would look like fools to let us go. Or to dislike us.

Take note and then file this away. Don't let this get to you.