[BrightFuture]

Thanks job, bttrfly, 2T for stopping by. Irish, thanks for checking on me, I can always count on you for that, LOL.

Job, thanks for the kind words. I’m trying to take it easy these days. Yes, clearly… it was a message for me to slow down… Ironically, this did give me an opportunity to focus on me and stop worrying about accommodating other people at my expense… I’m still stubbornly independent though and try to get by on my own… I got a soft shoe for driving and I can drive now! I went to the office last week for one day. It was tiring though… My leg was almost numb after driving in traffic in the morning, and I was very tired by the end of the day in the office wearing that boot… I made the case though… And confirmed from my manager that I can work from home until this boot is out! I am still planning to go to the office one day a week for some time… Just to make sure they see me there… Such a control freak I am about my work space, hahaha.

Bttrfly, yes, like I already mentioned, that was a clear message for me to slow down.

2T, I agree with you about slowing down and taking my time. Even though in real world I’ve already been taking it slow for the last 4 years. But, in MLC world it could be nothing… But I get it. It looks like it is on my terms anyway, since H is not doing anything one way or another. At this time, I’m not ready to take an action. But, I always have that option. Plan B sounds good. And it is moving on and living my life the way I like it!

Nothing much to report on H’s front except for a couple of things. It seems like he’s been doing NC on me, LOL. I’m pretty sure he knows about my foot situation, since he is friends with the same people on FB who replied to my post about my foot. He never acknowledged it though, not that I expected him to. I texted him Happy Veterans Day the other day, and he immediately replied… with thanks and then asking me if I received the credit card (the one we use for business)… I replied that I did. He then texted me that the card has a different number now and asked me if all the accounts associated with this card need to be updated. I sent him a few accounts I would remember of, and that I would update one of them. He replied with thanks. I guess I am still a keeper, LOL!

Then I saw his comments on one of our mutual friends FB post. The friend was upset with the elections, so H replied something like “time heals everything and it will heal this as well”. Mind you H is on the same side as this friend, politically, but felt compelled to give this friend a reassurance like that. Soooo….my thinking process was going on, hahaha… This comment made me analyze again (yes, guilty…) Does this comment reflect where H is in the process:
- He refers to his childhood and feels that the time is finally healing the bad things that happen to him (aka his parents’ divorce)
- He refers to the bad things that he had to heal from, a bad marriage and a terrible wife that he run away from… And now he is lot better.
- He refers to the things he’s done to our family and hopes that it will be eventually enough time to heal our wounds and forget what he’s done…
- Or, he feels that he’s done all the damage and also destroyed his life and now hopes that time will heal everything for everyone to move on, as there is no way back and not way restore what he’s lost…

I don’t have any clue anymore…

Oh, and so much for me having more time… Still busy at my work, and one of my consulting gigs has been very active recently. It is actually good, I need some extra money right now, as I am paying for my dog’s and my medical bills.

[bttrfly]

Hi Bright thx for pooping over on my little island here. Returning the favor. I'm glad you're more mobile, and not pushing it too much. Rest is important now.

As for what he posted - could mean anything or nothing. I got nuthin else baby!

Have a great day and keep focusing on yourself and your recovery. xoxoxoxo

[Irish M]

“time heals everything and it will heal this as well”. Mind you H is on the same side as this friend, politically, but felt compelled to give this friend a reassurance like that. Soooo….my thinking process was going on, hahaha… This comment made me analyze again (yes, guilty…) Does this comment reflect where H is in the process:
- He refers to his childhood and feels that the time is finally healing the bad things that happen to him (aka his parents’ divorce)
- He refers to the bad things that he had to heal from, a bad marriage and a terrible wife that he run away from… And now he is lot better.
- He refers to the things he’s done to our family and hopes that it will be eventually enough time to heal our wounds and forget what he’s done…
- Or, he feels that he’s done all the damage and also destroyed his life and now hopes that time will heal everything for everyone to move on, as there is no way back and not way restore what he’s lost…

I don’t have any clue anymore…

Hi Bright.. analyzing
You know we shouldn't do that. lol
It's tough I know. His quote was maybe just that.. a quote for the election.

your last guess : he feels that he’s done all the damage and also destroyed his life and now hopes that time will heal everything for everyone to move on, as there is no way back and not way restore what he’s lost…

This one category that I tend to put my XW in. She said it recently. it happened, its done.. oh well . lets just move on.

I wish them luck on that one, if it's that one.

Don't over due it being too busy. Find a good pace and some time to relax and enjoy.

[BrightFuture]

Wow, it’s been over a month since I posted an update. I’ve been keeping up on some other posts thought.
It has been some challenging times for me… I had no idea that breaking my foot could affect my entire body… I’ve been in pain for the last month or so. I have pain in my back, my arms, my neck, my shoulders… I overstretch my muscles because I’m trying to do things that would normally, forgetting that my foot injury puts some limitations… I was able to drive, but it was exhausting… And I had to take my boot off and put a soft boot on for driving, then take the soft boot of and put the regular boot on every time I needed to go the store, or work, or my sister’s, etc… Now I know that injuring the foot is not a joke. I don’t want sound like a cry baby, but this took a toll on me… The work was had been exhausting, as I’ve been over allocated (according to my manager) by at least 150%.

The good news is that my foot is healing nicely. I went to the doctor’s last week and he told me that can start slowly transitioning from the boot to a solid shoe when I walk. I’m so happy that I don’t need a surgery. I just need to be very careful and let it heal all the way. I feel more comfortable driving now. I still try not to step on my foot all the way… which causes other pains, as my body is trying to compensate for that… But… I feel pretty confident that the healing is progressing well!

Bttrfly, Irish, thanks for stopping by.
Bttrfly, I’ve following your thread and I’m so feel for you, with your court date only hours away.

Irish, you might be right about H thinking that he destroyed everything and there no way back and everyone just needs to move on. The only exception is that he still keeps the status quo… Which to me means not completely moving on… but, he might have a different prospective on this…

So, a few things happen since my last post. And, they might be insignificant… but made me think. For Thanksgiving we were invited to H’s brother’s. It was my family and a couple – BILs friend and his wife. I also know this friend from the days when we had football tickets and were tailgating with a bunch of people. Needless to say, he also knows H, as we were together back then. BIL’s friends left early, and it was pretty much my family and BIL. This year we had everyone, including my sister, who worked on the Thanksgiving for the last few years (she is a nurse.) After dinner and a few drinks (when I was feeling merry, LOL), I texted H to wish him a happy Thanksgiving. He replied back right away, asking me if I was at his brother’s. I replied back with a picture of everyone (except me, since I took the picture). He replied back, amazed at how my nephews had grown up and how he didn’t recognize one of them. Yeah… MLC timer…

Then a couple of weeks ago H called me… He was trying to do his payroll and was getting some error on QB because he run an upgrade. He was asking me if I knew what that error was. I told him that I didn’t run an upgrade, so I have no idea. He said that he would call QB and try to figure it out. Then he texted me to tell me that there was a good deal on a new version of QB and if we should get it. To make the story short, he wanted to consult with me before doing taking any action. I guess I’m still a keeper, LOL! I told him to go ahead and upgrade to a new version. He then sent me the info. So… two things here… First, he wanted my opinion and my input on this. Second, he was able to do it on his own after receiving my “blessing”, LOL. I was pretty accretive and confident about the matter when I spoke with him and texted him. I have a feeling that he needed that…

He was traveling back to the vacation home place at the time. I guess he is done with his work for the winter and is going to stay at the vacation home for a few months. As far as I know he never stopped by my city on his way. He came over yesterday to pick up a shipment that he sent to his brother’s house. I think it is a new TV. He texted me yesterday telling me that he was coming down and then he would be leaving next morning (today) and what would be the best time to pick up his mail. Well… I just sent him his mail a couple of weeks ago to his PO box at the border city. I didn’t really have any “important” mail for him. But… I played dumb and told him that the best time would be this morning. I had a feeling that there was something else besides the mail… I was right. He came this morning and wanted to see if he could take a cutting saw from the garage. He told me that he thought there were two of them and asked me if he could take one. I told him that he could take one, as long as there was another one, because I have people doing some work for me who might need it, hehe. So, I let him to take a cutting saw… What was amazing to me is that he remembered that there two of them in the garage! I guess, they do remember things, LOL.

So, this is when I got a compliment on my car (I think I’m going to run out of a smiley emoticons here…). He saw my new car last time when he stopped by the house. The car was parked in the driveway, because the garage door was broken. This is when I posted that he didn’t say anything about my car. Well… this time I guess he had no choice… and kind of mumbled “nice car… Audi, ha…”

I had a New Years card for him when he came and I gave it him. I thought he would bring a card for my son and his GF, but apparently he didn’t have one. When he was leaving I wished him happy holidays, etc… To which he replied that he would see me on the holidays and sounded a bit confused about me wishing him happy holidays… I’m going to the vacation home for the Christmas weekend, actually taking a couple of days more, so it is going to be a mini vacation! Our mutual friends know that I’m coming and we are also having a party at other friends’ house. My guess is that he knows from my mutual friends that I will be there, and thinks that we could cross paths somewhere. At the same time, he played dumb about my foot injury… He asked me what happened like he didn’t know a thing… I kind of have to doubt that… But… I might be wrong… You never know what is going on in MLCer mind…

[BrightFuture]

This is a long post again. I apologize. I broken it into two... Here is the rest of it...

Anyway, H said that he would probably see me at the vacation home place… I wonder if he is going to the same party, as these people are his friends as well. I’m not making anything out of it. I’m kind of the mood that I accept the status quo for now, which he also seems eager to maintain (we discussed the business and his invoices coming to PO box for me to pick up and deposit… and me renewing his XM radio… and AAA bill that I paid and he needs to pay me his portion of it…) But… I’m thinking that this status quo is not going anywhere… It is just convenient for him, and he keeps leaving his life the way he wants, and there is no remorse or regret, or anything… I tried to keep an eye contact with him today when he came to the house. I noticed that he tried not to look me strait in the eyes when I was looking at him. While I was pretty "bold" and confident, I think he was kind of avoiding the direct contact. I think this is strange… I thought we passed that threshold a long time ago. I think that he is content with his life and gets the single man benefits, which suits him well. I think I’m ready to move on again. I thought I was ready before that lipstick “incident”… This delayed me by about 6 months… Grrr…. I don’t like it… As long as there are no more “incidents” like that, I think I’m ready to drop the rope. I think this man is seriously stuck in the nowayback land, that I just cannot afford to have any hope anymore. Needless to say that he hasn't had any real relationship since BD, so there e is probably still hoping to find that one “harmonious relationship” of his dreams… I don’t have any more time for this…

Sorry for the long post again. I know people don’t normally read the long posts. But… I had to get it out of my chest…

Tried to change my name here, as I don’t want to be BrightFuture anymore, I want to be BrightNow (as the things I want are no longer in the future, they are here and now…), but could not do that. Got some kind of error… I will try again later.

[Irish M]

Hi BrightNow

I read your post. I think you have the friendliest MLCr around.
He does seem stuck though.

I do understand why they show no regret. It's so hurtfull the things they did.
They can't face it. Him not looking in your eyes is the perfect example. Like a puppy who ate the slipper, can't make eye contact because he knows he did bad.

With Time I think he will gradually talk about what happened. That's If he can remember it as well as you can. A lot of it has most probably been forgotten.

Glad you posted. It's nice hearing from you.

Irish (((hugs)))

[job]

Bright,

I'm so sorry that you had some difficulties with your foot. You never realize just how much you use a limb until it's broken or injured. I'm sure your energy level was zapped by the end of the day trying to walk, take on and off boots, etc. I'm going to recommend a very lightweight shoe for you to try because it worked well for me when I had a partial knee replacement years ago. Get yourself a pair of Sketchers (pull on type to start out with. They are great and lightweight too. It's going to take a while for your foot to heal completely, so be careful when stepping off of curbs, etc. What I was told to do was this...put your bad foot down the step first (like going to hades) and when walking up steps, put your good foot first (like going to heaven. It does work.

As for your h...inching along, but he does appear to be stuck just a wee bit. Trust me, he checked your car out and I'm glad he did say something about it...even if it was a few words. He checked out everything around your home and he does sense that things are not sitting still, but moving forward. At least he asked if he could take one of the saws w/him. Many don't do that.

Bright, many of them don't show regret, but prefer to tap dance around it and some even try to sweep everything under the rug. The LBS very, very seldom gets and honest, outright, apology. Some don't even want to talk about what happened. That's why we don't get the "closure" we all need. Maybe, in time, he'll open up a bit and talk about things...but that's in the future.

Have a wonderful time at the vacation spot...but be careful with your foot. Travel safely!

[Sotto]

Hi Bright, sorry you had a rough time with your foot and I'm glad to hear everything is healing well.

Yes, I agree with Irish and Job - he does seem to be grinding along and is perhaps a little stuck. But I guess that is on him and his life is his own to live. I understand about the lipstick incident. It is a shame to feel set back by these things, but I guess it is all part of our journey.

I'm glad to read that you have nice festive plans anyway. It is always an option to change things up a little in your current arrangements with him. But it's up to you and as long as you are living your own life peacefully, happily and the present set up works okay for you - I would say, just live your life and leave him to it!

Merry Xmas to you xxx

[HaWho]

BrightNOW - Phfew, that's so wonderful you don't need surgery. Sorry the healing process has been difficult.

Thanks for posting an update. I've been thinking about you and about how you are healing.

I wish you all the best in 2017!

[BrightFuture]

Irish, thanks for stopping by and for recognizing my new name , even though I cannot change it. There seems to be new restrictions on names now, they can have no more than 7 characters. So, I will not be able to change to BrightNow .

You are right, H is probably the nicest MLCer around... Maybe because we just don't talk much and rarely see each other, LOL.

Job, thank you for you thoughtful post and for your understanding. You described my "foot struggle" perfectly! And this is exactly what I've been doing, putting my bad foot first when go downstairs (when my dog goes downstairs with me he does the same thing, one foot at the time, so funny), and putting my good foot first when I go upstairs. I do have running shoes, and this what I've wearing for a few days now.

Sotto and HaWho, thank you for your kind words.

Sotto, the lipstick incident recovery has been slow, but I feel I like was almost there when H showed up.

HaWho, I'm wishing you the best in 2017 as well!


So, like I said, the set back after the lipstick thing was longer than I expected. I think my foot injury, and that it happened before the holidays, contributed into that big time. I was feeling sad and depressed around the Thanksgiving. Not that anyone noticed, I kept it to myself. After H's visit I was determined to put it behind me and keep moving on.

As for H not looking into my eyes... I thought we were past that. He seemed to be more comfortable last year. It was me who was not looking directly to him all the time, but I think he did look at me when we talked. It seems like last year he was more sure of himself and what he did. Does it mean that this year is starting to wake up and realize the thins he did? Maybe starting to feel more regret, even though he is not showing it?

I drove to the vacation home yesterday. It was raining almost all the way to the border, so it was bit stressful, but I made it here safely. When I arrived, I called my mutual friends and they told me that they were having dinner at other friends' house (the same friends who are going to host a Christmas day dinner), and... sure enough... H was there... Speaking about no more "incidents" and set backs... He stayed the entire evening. We were all talking, sometimes having multiple conversation, so I didn't hear everything H said during the evening. But, there were a few conversations (brought up by the friends) that involved both of us. For example, the friend asked about how old my dog was and then turned to H and asked him "how old was the dog when you guys got him?". H's response started with "we got him when..." . Then there were a few more events that were remembered pre BD, and there were a few more instances when H said "we"... If somebody who didn't know our story would be listening to the conversation, they would have no idea that we are separated. Unreal! It also seemed that our friends deliberately were choosing the topics that involved both of us...

Like I said, H stayed for the entire evening. My mutual friends' kid was running around and being nosy and distractive, and I kept waiting for H to get annoyed, and get up and bail out (he doesn't tolerate little kids very much), but he stayed put.

So, today, I've been trying to process this in a "healthy" way, LOL. Meaning, still staying the course and not trying to get my hopes up again. Not sure if there will be more interactions in the next few days... Wish me luck.