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Aw Bright - Thanks for the comforting words. It helps to have a friend that understands this life in the land of in between. You just keep shining on!


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Thanks for visiting my thread, Bright! It was so nice to hear from you. I was just thinking back on the years we've been going through this together, and the changes in our respective husbands. Which are zero, none, zilch, right? LOL

Yours reminds me so much of my ex. They do not want us, yet cannot completely let go, and are so dependent on us in many ways. Mine still is, even though he has married his OW, so strange huh!

I hope you are feeling well, and that your business is going well. Congratulations on your new home!


Linda

Me 65, Ex 64
M 38 y
2 adult S, 4 G-Kids
MLC 11/07
BD 12/09
D 3/14
Dating nice guy 7/14
Engaged to nice guy 12/17
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 2,202
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Hey, Georgiabelle, thanks for stopping by and for the words of encouragement.

Thanks, Gwen! I will keep shining on!

Linda, it’s great to “see” you here! I rarely venture to other forums lately, but something brought me to Surviving The Bid D. And there you were! It is so bizarre that your xh keeps texting and e-mailing you while M to RT, and they even stopped by your house. You are right, there seems to be no changes in him, except he wants to keep you closer.

I actually do see some changes in my H, just not sure if they are real. I think he doesn’t actually need me to take care of this, as he seems to be very capable of doing thing on his own. It seems to me that he wants me to take care of things as a way to do a temperature check and make sure I’m still here. He is also very proactive on the things I ask him to do.

He re-appeared a few weeks after asking me about the car rental. He asked me to check the PO box for the business check (one of his Invoices) and he informed me that he shipped a battery for the leaf blower (that he has at the condo) to my address. I politely replied that I would keep an eye on both.

At about the same time I sent him an e-mail with a few things: notified him that I paid that Toll way bill that came to my house, so he could record it in the company books, sent him a letter regarding the business from the State inquiring about some info about the business, and asking to cancel the second set of credit cards that were sent for Costco account. At the end, I told him that I was going to the Vacation home for Labor Day weekend and asked him if there was any issue with that. I also sent him a text letting him know that I sent an e-mail (sometimes he doesn’t download his e-mails for days.) I was amazed at how fast he responded, LOL. I think it was same day, or maybe next, can’t remember now. He took care of all the things, asked me if there was anything else that needed to be taken care of, thanked me for paying the toll road bill and told me that there was no problem with me staying at the condo.

Then there were a few more text exchanges after that, following up on all that “business”. And then again, a question about the Condo mortgage website. He told me that it was not working, and I had to send him a correct link (that mortgage company is so unreliable…)

I also sent him a text asking him to confirm his address where I needed to mail some “important” mail to him. I was waiting for him to ask me what kind of “important” mail and was ready with the answer: “Jury Duty letter and a Playboy”, hahaha. He didn’t ask… Darn it…

I did go to the vacation home for Labor Day weekend and I got the keys to my condo! I signed an agreement with a rental company, so my condo is now in a rental pool. I also had my neighbors from here staying at my condo and they liked it! I blocked the dates when I think I will need to stay in my new condo, since I figured H will be in our other condo. Now I will always have a place to stay over there whether H is there or not. My mutual friends over there have been helping me a lot with whatever needs to be done for the new condo. This is where all this ordeal with my old car that sold to then for half a price has been really paying off. They are great friends!

The things are looking up for me!

I have a feeling, just like mleigh mentioned in her post about her H, that my H is actually jealous that I’ve been moving on with my life quite nicely and getting things I want. Maybe “jealous” is not a right word in this case, but I can’t think of how to call this. H has not congratulated me or even acknowledged me on my new car and the condo purchase, even though the topic about the car came up in the text exchange when I informed him that I canceled my old XM radio because I have a built-in radio in my new car. This is so not like him. I always thought that he would express a genuine happiness about things like that. He would congratulate anybody else. According to my mutual male friend, H is a very nice guy and is always happy for someone’s success. I guess my mutual friends would be scratching his head about this, just like about the lipstick, LOL.

So, this is kind of a new territory for me, with my new condo. It was so scary at some point to take that risk, when I have nobody else, but myself, to rely on. But, I think I made the right decision. I was worried that people, and especially people at the vacation home would judge me for setting up things this way – when I would still stay at our joint condo and rent out my condo. I already said that I will share the profits on the rental with H on these days. I think everyone is taking it good for now. Even my mutual male friend stopped insisting that I need to keep all stuff from our joint condo in my new condo now. I think things are settling down. And even that crazy woman from the vacation home, H’s “best” friends was not in my face recently. I think she lost an interest, because I don’t feed any drama she was probably hopping for. Even my mutual female friend told me that there is some kind of tension in that friendship between my H and that crowd. Oh well, I kind of predicted that it would happen at some point, after all the excitement wears off. She is not exactly an OW, but I guess there is similar kind of addiction.

Oh year! Forgot to mention that I did a lot of minor “repairs” in my house. I ordered and replaced broken magnets on the wood shatters, broken stopper on a sliding window, painted the dish washer racks with new enamel to cover the rust, took care of some yard work, etc. I am very proud of myself, LOL!


M:50
H:52
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OK, I guess I’m going to get much response on my posts, LOL.

Maybe I can get some advice on my dog. Kml, if you are reading this, please let me know your thoughts. My black lab has been having some issues. I pulled a bunch of ticks from him in the last 3 weeks. We don’t have a flea problem this year, but we have a tick problem… I’ve read about ticks on dogs and this what I think is happening… My dog has some problems from the tick bites… He gets disoriented and loses his balance. From what I read on the Internet about the ticks is that can cause the bacteria and an inflammation of an inner ear in dogs, which causes then to lose their balance. My dog is all of a sudden is afraid to go on the tile floor. He also shakes his head as there is something in his ear. I do check him twice a day. I pulled two ticks off him today. I have an appointment with my holistic veterinarian about two weeks from now (as she is out of town), so I just need to keep my dog checked until then. I have some essential oils that I was recommended, but I would not be against giving him some antibiotics at this point. Sorry… This is not supposed to be about my dog… But… maybe I can get some ideas here…

Kml?


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Bright,

Things are looking up for you. I'm glad to read that your h is continuing to respond to your messages. I'm also glad to read that the condo keys are now in your hands and you've set it up as a rental. It won't take long before it will be paid off and it will be yours free and clear. I also like the idea of blocking out dates for when you want to spend time there.

Congratulations on the home repairs! Doesn't it make you feel good when you accomplish those DIYs yourself?

I'm sorry to read about your dog. Do use a flea/tick repellant on him? Even though my cat doesn't go outside, I use Frontline on him from spring to fall. It's quite good and you only put the stuff on the back of his neck where he can't reach it and it does work. BTW, how old is your dog?


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Job, thanks for encouraging words. Yes, it feels good to be able to do some repairs in the house, especially after those were H's responsibilities for a long time.

My dog is 6. I don't use any regular flea/tick products on him. They have harsh chemicals in them, like pesticides. Last time when I used this stuff was a few years ago, I put it on my previous dog and it was right before he was diagnosed with cancer.

I have an organic repellent that I spray on my dog when we go for our walks. But I didn't start spraying it until I found a few ticks. So, now it is a routine.


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How awful Bright. I hope your old dog getting cancer (so sorry) was a coincidence, cause my son always wanted a dog so after my ex left, we got an older rescue dog and use that same tick and flea stuff Job uses on her cat, that you put on the back of their necks. They cannot lick it off. I hope neither of our dogs or Job's cat gets cancer. That's really scary.

Anyway Bright, ticks do carry diseases both people and dogs can get. Like Lymes disease, that is can really strike any body system and can cause arthritis and headaches and confusion. Your poor dog. Maybe it needs dog antibiotics. Does a holistic veterinarian prescribe antibiotics if needed?


Linda

Me 65, Ex 64
M 38 y
2 adult S, 4 G-Kids
MLC 11/07
BD 12/09
D 3/14
Dating nice guy 7/14
Engaged to nice guy 12/17
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Bright,

I have used the product I mentioned for a very long time and my cats have been fine. However, I do understand why you would be cautious about using it after your older dog was diagnosed w/cancer.

I would definitely try something else on him. He's young to be acting like he's got dementia.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
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Linda and job, thanks for stopping by.

Linda, yes, the holistic vet would prescribe the antibiotics if needed. She would follow up with the holistic drops for detox as well. I know some people don’t believe in this, and I was one of them before my last dog died of cancer. I’ve read so much stuff about cancer in dogs after that…

Job, I’m not going to try to talk you out of using the conventional topical treatments on your cat, it is your choice, even though I feel so bad for animals who have no say on what is put on them.

I choose to limit any expose to the chemicals for myself and my dog. When you read the labels on all of these flea and tick topical medications, they all warn you to use the gloves when applying the medication and wash your hands with lots of water if you get any of that product on you. So, this is not good for you, but… how is it ok to put it on your pet. These are pesticides and they penetrate into the body from the skin, they get into the liver and other organs… Yes, they kill all these pesky creatures… but they also weaken the immune system of the dog or a cat at the very least. OK, I’m not going to go any further on this…

I have an appointment with the vet next Monday (she is out of town until then), and hopefully she can find a good treatment for my dog. He is doing ok for now. Except I would like to remove these extra area rugs that I had to put on my tile floor in the kitchen, dining area and the entry way. It is funny and sad at the same time to watch my dog navigating from one rug to another, to avoid the tile, so much like in one of these computer games, jumping from one obstacle to another.

I think what the vet is going to do is give me one of these holistic drops as well. She always says that the pets can sense what is going on in the lives of their owners, so she treats owners as well, LOL. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately. I have some unusual pains and strange feelings in my body. The stress is mostly work related and also about the new condo that I bought. I’m very excited about it, but also scarred… I have no partner to back me up in case if something goes wrong... I’m on my own… I know that I can handle anything… I just need some rest and “do nothing” time. I’m getting there…


M:50
H:52
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Bright, I'm so impressed. It really is scary to take on things like new cars and condos when you are on your own and don't have anyone to fall back on. Congrats to you. You should feel really proud of yourself for tackling life and making it what you want.

Same goes for the household maintenance. I can remember how excited I was for "fixing" the Internet at my place without having to call someone. Girl power! We got this.

I hope your dog heals and gets back to his usual self . Keep us posted.

{{{HUGS}}}
2T


Me: 59 and holding
H: :53
Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown
M: 19
T: 23
BD: 9-23-2013
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