Glad to hear you had such a memorable birthday. Belated wishes to you!
You sound really good. If your H is doing some water testing, I think you will handle it very well. In the meantime, I'd do as Sotto said, continue to live your life while leaving the door open.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
2T, thanks for stopping by. I ended up not going to a happy hour with BIL and “sis” and a nephew. I had a spontaneous happy hour with people from work. I texted BIL to tell him that I might stop by to see him and Co. after that and to let me know if he would be there for sure. Actually, I waited for him to let me know before I committed to a work happy hour, but he texted me after 3 pm and being vague about it. So, I figured that “sis” was not that excited to see me either, LOL. Or, she was non-committal with BIL as well, which could be case too. So, I got a text from him about 8 pm that they were ready to leave the place and said “see you next time”. I texted back “Ok. Tell everyone I said hi”. Easy-peasy…
The only thing is that I didn’t get to find out about that lipstick box. Oh well, I have the rest of my life to do that, haha.
BTW, the lipstick ended up to be not my color at all. It looked the right color, but when I put it on… It is too intense for me (it would probably suit that crazy woman at the vacation home thought, LOL.) So, I am going to try to exchange it for a different color.
On H’s front… He’s been MIA again… I sent his mail and a package of coffee filters with our neighbor when she picked my old car. When I was at the condo last time, a lot of supplies (including the once I brought), like toilet paper, paper towels, soaps, and coffee filters were depleted. Well, out mutual friends stayed there a few times, and I think also the female friend’s Mexican family was visiting. They used a lot of stuff… There were no coffee filters when I came there last time. So, I was kind enough to send the coffee filters with our neighbor. Didn’t get any thank you notes from H… Not that I expect anything anymore. It just shows the pattern… He picks out from the rabbit hole… and then goes back in again… Or, maybe he is waiting for the “right” moment to communicate… It’s like having something in reserves, like he’s saving things for later… Will see…
Oh yeah… I texted him “Happy Father’s day” yesterday. Just because I felt like it. No reply so far. And I don’t care right now.
A lot of things happened in the last month, some of which I’m yet to post about. I’ve been feeling burnt out. I’m trying to relax and take it easy now.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
1- I wondered if you figured out that puzzle. I guess we need to add it to the unknown mysteries of the world. Crop circles , ancient ruins, the human brain and MLC
2- crazy woman color. Lol this made me laugh. My STBXW before the left bought nail polish. Get this... It was named MAD WOMAN. Very aggressive red Color.
You wishing him happy fathers day was nice. If you wanted to do it then do it. Why should we not do what we want it do. I personally am not looking to punish my McL'r or treat her bad. We all need tu do what we want to do for us. Who cares what hey think.
Glad you sound good.
Hugs
Irish
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
1- I wondered if you figured out that puzzle. I guess we need to add it to the unknown mysteries of the world. Crop circles , ancient ruins, the human brain and MLC
Irish, I’m afraid I will never figure out that puzzle. I tried… After my sister’s GF, who was also at my B-day party told that she understood my BIL’s comments about that lipstick box that it was from someone else… I asked my BIL point blank if the gift was from him or from H. To which he replied that it was from him. I had a happy hour with him today and apologized for my questioning and also told him about the lipstick gift that I got from H. So, BIL told me that he didn’t know about H’s gift… and that he barely talks to H… and that I know about H more than he does…
I’m completely confused now… Are these two gifts that seem to have a perfect sense to be correlated, are completely random..? My head is spinning… LOL. My intuition tells me that there is something I don’t know…
I’m trying to make this post not as long, as I have a lot of updates… I went on a business trip last week to a Southern state with a few people from work. We had a pretty tight work schedule, but also had some fun going out and visiting some local sites. In the middle of the trip, I was getting some texts from H, asking me for favors and giving me some info… Why does he need to do it when I’m busy with my life..? (just like when I was in Vegas, he was texting me about “stuff”…)
After I came back from that trip last Wednesday, I drove to the vacation home on the next day and stayed there for the holiday weekend. Met with my mutual friends… Heard some stories and opinions…
Here are the BIG news I didn’t want to post about while the whole thing was in process. I bought my own condo at the vacation home place! It came on the market with the ridiculously low price, so I could not just let it go! I did the refi on my house mortgage here with the cash out. It is done and I’m ready to sign the paper work for the condo. It comes fully furnished. It has also been in the rental pool and had been renting pretty good.
My intend it to keep it in the rental, and use it when I am not able to stay at the first (H’s condo). I run this idea by my mutual friends and my male friend already shared it with H, when he was there a week before I came. I said that I would share the rental profit for these days when I stay at “our” condo with H. I still feel more comfortable in “our” condo, plus I have a lot of my stuff that is still there. Eventually, I might want to make my new condo comfortable for me (not just for rental).
So, when I was at the vacation home last time, for the Memorial Day weekend, I saw my other friends and some people who are from H’s circle of friends. The news about my condo purchase were already circulating… I guess there was some discussion and gossip about that... I’ve got “congratulations” from that crazy woman, H’s friend. I’m sure there were some conversations about it when H was there for a few days, which I think didn’t make him feel good. After all, I bought this for 1/3 of a price that we paid for “our” condo.
Soooo… this seemed to throw H out of balance. If he was making his way out the rabbit hole, this event made him retreat right back into it. I’m not sure if by making this step to buy a condo, I reversed any progress that H was making.
What I know: H sent me a lipstick for my B-day, he offered me to stay at the condo a few time recently even before I asked, he’s been retaining the mutual accounts and credit card, like he wants to keep some kind of connection to me… According to my male friend, H was going out of the way to maintain the san rail, so my son and his friend could enjoy it (my son, his GF and their friend came to the vacation home last weekend too), H has been trying to facilitate the repair of the hope that was made in the hallway last time I was at the condo and discovered a water leak again – to have the condo ready for my sister’s and her son’s visit in a couple of weeks (with me, of course.)
At the same time, my male friend told me about the conversation with H a couple of weeks ago… H made a comment about me buying a condo, something like “she didn’t even want to be here first place, and now she bought a condo…” And then this one: “I want her clothes out of my closet.”… Sounds like an angry man to me, LOL.
My mutual friend was giving me the ideas how I can have a storage space at my new condo to store all the stuff that I would remove from “our” condo… I told him that he didn’t need to worry about it, because I’m not going to do it anytime soon… and that H needs to file for D before he can make these kind of requests… Plus, H needs to talk to me and not to our friends about this… The conversation got a bit heated… Until next day when I told my mutual friend about the lipstick gift. Boy! Didn’t it throw him out of balance, LOL! He went silent and his wife told me that he was processing that info, hahaha.
All he said that the lipstick is a very personal gift and he cannot wrap his head around it. Ha! Welcome to the club! LOL!
Some other “stuff” that I head over the weekend. My female friend said that she still cannot understand H, but it seems like he is regretting his decision to separate. I asked why she thinks that and she said that H’s been making some comments that make her believe that. She asked me if I could get a bigger cash out amount out of my refi, to pay for “our” condo, and I said that I could. I guess, this is related to H’s having problems with the condo mortgage, which makes him feel anxious and worried about his future. Oh well… he made his bed… he has to sleep in it…
My male friend said that I’ve been doing exceptionally well in my life, and that H is just stuck in one place and seems to be not getting the life that he wanted. He also said that I came a long way and that I’m changed so much… that everyone loves me… and H will never be able to find anybody like me… who could also tolerate his antics, like I used to… Not sure that I want to tolerate his antics anymore though…
Well… a long post again… And I’m sure I missed something, LOL.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I have never posted on your thread although I have been following it and I can only admire your growth, your kindness and generosity. Boy your H is really a fool! You seem to be in such a good place and are a great inspiration for us all. Have a lovely weekend.
Congratulations on the condo purchase! This is a huge step for you. You've got your h wondering just what is going on w/you. First, a new car and now a condo purchase. It's going to make his head spin because this is a new you! I wouldn't worry too much about whether the condo purchased set back the progress your h has been making. This is a purchase that YOU wanted and truly it doesn't have a thing to do w/him. Right now, your h sees you are moving on and he's a bit upset by it because he had hoped that you would stay right where he left you pre-crisis. It doesn't work that way because we all grow, we change and we begin to live life again, i.e., just as you are now starting to do.
As for the lipstick present, I would let it go. You may never solve this puzzle and when you let it go, the answers will come when you least expect it.
About your trips. Of course, your h is going to text you w/all sorts of excuses. He doesn't want you to forget him and it's his way of reminding you that he's out there. Another thing, he's not happy that you are traveling, i.e., even if it's work related because he senses that you are enjoying yourself. I am going to suggest that you not respond back to his texts when you are on travel unless they are emergencies. He doesn't always respond to your texts, so it's time to start thinking of yourself just a wee bit more and putting him on "pause" while you are out having some fun. It will give him something to think about.
Again, I wouldn't worry about your recent purchase and how it impacts him. This is something that you have wanted to do for quite some time and I say BRAVO! It's time you started thinking about you and your future and what makes you happy for a change. Who knows...this just might shake him up a bit and give him something to seriously think about.
You are doing great!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Rouky, thanks for stopping by. I don’t know if I feel like I’m an inspiration, but thank you for the kind words.
Job, as always, thank you for your insights and for your support, and for cheering me up . I think you are right, my H thought I would stay where I was when he left. My friends always told me that H would be very happy to hear about my good news (read “good news about my life”). However, this time, even their comments didn’t project that at all. I do have a feeling that H is actually not that happy about my news this time. Hence, the angry comments about me not even wanting to be at the vacation home at some point and my clothes that are still in “his” closet.
As for the replying to H’s texts, most of the times I don’t do it right away anyway. It actually happens naturally, I just don’t see them right away, as I’m busy doing stuff, LOL. I don’t know if he knew that I was on the business trip (quite possible, because my mutual friends knew about it), but it did feel like he was kind of “checking in” with me. Job, you are probably right here as well, that he was just trying to make sure I didn’t forget about him, LOL. He texted me asking for some info he needed for our company which I obviously didn’t have. I replied back that I was on a business trip to X city and could only get this info to him when I get back home. He then texted back suggesting some places to see in that city I was at, hahaha.
Interesting part it that I don’t think he needed that info right away, actually he probably didn’t need it until this week, if at all (some insider info…)
BTW, he almost always responds to my texts right away. The only text that I can remember recently that he didn’t respond to was a Happy Father’s day one. I get it, job, about putting him on “pause” once in a while. Like I mentioned, it actually happens naturally. I don’t think I’m putting any intention into it any longer. It is just part of me moving on and not thinking when and what to respond to H. Feels very liberating!
I think part of H’s frustration is that he “sees” me doing things he thought I would never do and some of these he wished I would do. With him, of course… And now, I’m doing these things with other people or on my own. He told me at BD (when I was trying to bend and address all kinds of possible issues he had with me) that people never change, and I would be the same negative, nagging and unhappy person he saw in me. Guess what! I’ve changed! I re-discovered who I truly am! And I didn’t do for him (oh well, maybe at the very beginning), I did it for me. I don’t care if he comes back or not, I will still be the same person I’m today, and even better!
Have a great week, everyone!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Something just came to mind… I always wonder how some thoughts just come out of nowhere… I just realized a great irony about my and H’s text exchange when I was on my work trip, compared to our text exchange 4 years ago…
It was exactly 4 years to date when the pre-BD incident occurred. Here is the short version of my story. H was working in another state (the one he’s been working now too), he was driving to a concert to another city. I was texting him about an upcoming trip with my sister and her family to the vacation home. He was not replying to my texts. I think he did reply to one telling me that he was driving and could not text me… I can’t remember now (need to go back and read my first thread, LOL) if I was checking the phone records on our account at the that exact time to make sure my son’s usage was not exceeding the limit, or I was checking to see if my text messages were getting across to H’s phone… The point is that I saw a lot of texts exchanged with another number at the same time when H was claiming that he could not reply to my texts because he was driving.
I dialed the number and sure enough it was a woman. Needless to say that I got furious and texted H that I knew about his texting (I actually called it “sexting”, LOL), and that it was rude of him not to reply to my texts when he was texting with this other person.
So, next day, when H called me back (after the concert), he told me that this woman was just a friend and that she wanted to go to the concert with him, by could not. Then he gave me a speech. He said that he could no longer live like this (me checking on him and being jealous, blah, blah, blah…), that he was not happy for the past 2 or 3 year, etc… It was my BD day.
So, this year, on this same date, I was at the restaurant with my co-workers/friends, having fun and enjoying my time, when H started his text exchange. I replied (see my previous post), but I really didn’t want to deal with any of H’s business (just like he didn’t want to deal with mine 4 years ago), LOL. I did reply thought. When I got back home two days later, I sent H a text asking him a follow up question about that info he texted me about when I was on a business trip. And here is the interesting part that just occurred to me… He replied right away… And when I asked another question, his reply was “Driving”, and he sent another reply, actually trying to answer my questions. And… he was nice…
So… what a coincidence… He actually wanted to make sure I get his replies right away… Even when he was driving…
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
