[BrightFuture]

Hi 2T, thanks for stopping by. I’m still in disbelieve myself that first, H remembered the color, and second, that he did this. H was creative like this when I met him and for the first few years of our M. This is when he wanted to impress me or do something nice for me. Then this gradually dwindled down, as he lost interest in M, I suppose. It became a chore for him to even cook a meal once a week. And even then he would pick some nice gifts for me. A couple years before the BD, he was just always stressed about the holidays like my b-day, Mother’s day, New years, when he had to give me a gift. It probably took an enormous effort for him right before the BD.

H didn’t get me anything for my B-day right before the BD 4 years ago. He apologized and sounded very stressed about it. He also didn’t make an effort to fly home (from his work state) for my B-day. 4 weeks later I got a speech and BD. I don’t think he gave me anything for my b-day a year after that. He always sent the cards, except for the last year. He also called. But, never sent the gifts…

So, this is kind of significant in the way that he “remembered” how to get creative. It could be that he decided to do this because it is the milestone b-day. I think I am trying to talk myself out of thinking that this is some kind of sign, so I don’t have my hopes up again. The downside of this though is that I also don’t feel any urgency to acknowledge this gesture.

[Irish M]

happy birthday Bright. You are a few years more in this than I am. You've had a few milestone dates of BD and non birthday wishes from your MLC'r

Its not easy I'm sure but you do seem ahead of he game.

hugs to you

Irish

[BrightFuture]

Thanks, Irish. I had quite a few milestones since BD, that’s for sure. I think I’m moving on quite nicely, but this H’s “niceness” threw me off a bit recently.

I had a great time at the vacation home. My friends threw me an amazing party. Our other friends hosted it at their house, and my GF (mutual friend) cooked a bunch of Mexican dishes. I’m so grateful to have friends like this!

There was some other things that transpired during my stay at the vacation home… I will post about it later…

I drove back home from the vacation home on Monday, then flew to Vegas on Tuesday to meet with my other GF. We spent a few days doing some fun stuff, including a lunch and a dinner on my actual B-day. We also took a Hoover Dam tour on our last day there. I was completely in a party mood. But… guess what… I was getting some texts from H. He texted me Happy Birthday on Wednesday (there was no phone call this time, but I think he knew that I was in Vegas), and immediately proceeded to complain about the condo mortgage and asking me some questions. REALLY!!! On my 50th B-day he needed to discuss the condo business!!!

I thanked him for the B-day wishes and also for the card that I received from him. It was actually pretty nice, wishing me all the good things for my “39”th B-day. I thanked him for that, and he replied that “what girl wants to hear she is fifty”… I thought it was pretty nice of him. I made a couple of jokes in my replies to him, but I completely ignored his complaints about the condo. Then, next day he texted me again (why could not he live me alone to enjoy my time in Vegas, LOL…). H said that he learnt that I sold my old car to my mutual friends in Mexico and was offering to drive it down there on June 15th. He also said that my male mutual friend told him that I would like to come down there on July 4th weekend, and he will not be there, and I’m welcome to use the condo… The bottom line is that I was totally going to enjoy my time in Vegas and didn’t even think about H… But… He sure reminded me of himself, LOL. And… once again he offered me to stay at the condo without me asking him. This is quite significant in lieu of some stuff that I will post later (hint – I’m thinking to buy another condo over there… for me…)

In all of these text exchanges he’s been extremely nice and polite. However, he texted me today that our neighbor in Mexico (condo next door) is going to be in my city next week and she can pick up the car from me, then pick him up from the airport and they can drive to the vacation home. I was kind of taken aback at first… With all his niceness and increased contact… I thought that he would want to come over and see me… But… No… It doesn’t look like he wants to do it… I was confused for a few minutes… And then I recovered… It actually makes it easier for me… And then I thought that he might be trying to avoid picking up some stuff from here, like his storage chests, which I’m so eager to get rid off any time now… Maybe I’m just delusional… I had this gut feeling that H is looking for the ways to reconnect… But, with this last development, I’m just not so sure anymore…

So, who knows what is on H’s mind… I just need to keep my head straight and keep going on with my life. I have all the intention to do that!

My sister and her H thrown a huge B-day party for me last Saturday! They decorated the house with these 50th stuff, LOL. They cooked our traditional food… My GF was there too (the one I was in Vegas with), my BIL (H’s brother came too), my son and his GF, my nephews, another friend… We had a lot of fun! I cannot be more grateful for my family and friends being there for me! I felt a lot of love! I’m very fortunate to have my family and my friends!

I’m back to work this week. My GF is still here until Friday.

Sorry, my friends, for not posting to all your threads… I’ve been reading and keeping up the best I can. I promise I will post as soon as I get some breathing time…

[job]

Wow! You certainly had a good time celebrating your birthday. I'm glad you had fun. I'm sure returning to work after a fun time appears to be a bit dull...but you'll get back into the swing of things in no time.

I'm glad to see that you've decided to sell your old car. I hope you got a good price for it and are still enjoying your new one.

Your h has been a busy man, i.e., texting you quite a bit. He's having some moments of clarity and wants to remind you that he's still out there stumbling around. I'm glad you've recovered nicely from receiving those texts. Time will tell as to where he's at in the crisis...but I would certainly continue to keep the window cracked for communications.

Enjoy your week! Again, I'm very glad you had a great birthday and it's one to remember!

[BrightFuture]

Hello whoever is still reading my updates, LOL. I have some updates, but not sure I can describe everything good enough, as I’m still trying to wrap my head around some things… I don’t even know where to start.

Job, thanks for cheering me up! I do keep the communication channel open. It is actually not as hard anymore, to communicate with H, as I have almost no expectations. I said “almost” because I feel that I still get sucked into the story… Hence… my updates…

As I posted before, I had my B-day celebration at my sister’s. My BIL (H’s brother) was there too. Apparently there was a “moment” that I missed… When we were still sitting at the dinner table and before I was opening the presents, my BIL handed me what I thought were his gifts from him. He gave me what I thought was a very small jewelry box and his usual gift certificate to a massage place. I looked at the box and thought that it was kind of a weird gift from BIL. He said something about it, but by that time I had a few drinks and was feeling very merry, LOL. So, I totally didn’t make anything out of that box, except that it was a strange gift from my BIL.

A few days later my sister called me to chat and asked me what I thought about that BIL’s gift, as she detected some “meaning” in it. Well, my sister is pretty intuitive, and she didn’t have as many drinks as I did. She told me that my BIL was saying something in the sense that this little gift was an addition to what I’ve already received… and that I should know what it is… And then it hit me… This little box is a very nice lipstick case! With the mirror! I suppose, to hold that lipstick that H sent to me! OMG! I wish I remembered what BIL said at the time he handed this lipstick case to me. I’m so ignorant! Or, maybe I’m so detached that I don’t even get any “hints”… if this can be considered that… I’m completely confused. What is this supposed to mean???

And then this, folks… Some of you will get a kick out of it, LOL. I went to my sister’s for dinner last Saturday and we discussed this again. This time with my other BIL (my sister’s H) involved. He said that the lipstick is definitely an intimate gift, and that it could be a sing of H’s movement towards reconnecting. But, it could be also just a gesture to recognize my milestone B-day. But… the follow up with the lipstick case could be something different… again… meaning the reconnection... Soooo… his “advice” was that if H wants to reconnect and make the amends, I should consider it… Because… he is a nice person… and there are not too many people like him… And… my sister agreed… OMG! These are the same people who were telling me to move on, forget about H and find another R!

Then… it occured to them that H’s brother was asking them about the plans for my B-day like 2 weeks prior (which is unusual for him, but again.. could be explained by the fact that it was a milestone B-day.) And then I told them that H had an airline ticket purchased… to fly to my city on the date of my B-day… I know this because it was charged to the business CC. This ticket got unused, as H didn’t fly… I thought that he purchased this ticket by mistake… Then I thought that it was not a mistake, but he learnt that I would be in Vegas and decided to cancel it…

I told my sister and her H about that ticket. Oh boy… Were they upset! They started to regret that they didn’t think to invite my H to my B-day party, as they thought that there were all the indications that he would want to come over.

Not sure what to call this, a Cinderella story or a soap opera, LOL! If there was any purpose in all of this is that it definitely made my head spin. If all of this is not my imagination, and H wanted to get my attention, I can say that he achieved his goal. This is where I need some support here. I think I’m hopeless… thinking about how kind H has been recently and all this “effort” to give something special for my B-day… and all these increased communication… plus my BIL’s “help” (still need to find out the real meaning of it)… I caught myself today thinking that I should have paid more attention to the “signs” and gave H more opportunity… Don’t even know what kind of opportunity… Except I feel somewhat regretful that I didn’t recognize his “efforts”??? I didn’t invite him for my B-day… I feel sorry for H… I know these feelings of things that cannot be repeated again, like his nieces’ weddings, which I didn’t attend and where my son was also not invited to. I feel like I’m not making much sense here.

All I need now is to stay the course. To keep moving on with my life and doing things that are good for me! I do want to get together with my BIL (H’s brother) to find out the truth about that lipstick case. He actually asked me about HH last week, but I was busy.

I’ve got a lot of other things going on right now. Can’t wait for some relaxing time.

[Sotto]

Hi Bright, I'm glad you enjoyed your birthday celebrations. So, from what I read it sounds as though maybe H (through BIL) gave you the gift of a case to go with the lipstick? But you're not sure if that is the case or not and no-one has said directly?

Well, IMHO if you are giving someone a gift, you need to make it from you - and so the person receiving it will know that and appreciate the gesture, offer thanks etc. If you don't do that - they can't really appreciate the gesture, offer thanks and so on.

So, at this point in time, the gift appears to be from BIL and my view would be to not ask outright if it is from H. Though for sure you could mention the gift again and say how much you appreciate. Even mentioning (innocently) that H bought a lovely lipstick and the case from BIL is perfect for it.

I would also say to be careful about mind reading and expectations. The damage of MLC behaviour isn't undone by purchasing a couple of nice gifts and I think it would take a mature, genuine and remorseful approach from him for me to even consider changing my course.

I would say, live your life, try not to worry about where he may be at and be pleasant and open in any interactions.

Just my thoughts anyway Bright xx

[BrightFuture]

Hi Sotto! Thanks for taking time to read my update and post your view! I really appreciate it. And this exactly what I was looking for. I think you are spot on about the gifts. I’m going to take your advice and casually thank BIL for the gift. I’m going to probe him though, if this is really from him, as I really don’t remember what he said when he was handing it to me. To your point, BIL didn’t say anything directly, that’s for sure. My sister’s “speculation” is that the lipstick case was from H and BIL was just a messenger, and making sure that H had some kind of “presence” at my B-day party.

Sotto, I completely agree with you, that if H would want to come back into my life, he would have to come with more than just a gift. I think that he might be testing the waters to see if I would be open to anything at all. But… if he would want to truly reconnect, he would have come out and talk to me. This would be a mature way to handle things.

Bottom line is that I’m intending to continue with my life as I have been. I just need to keep the romantic side of me in check, LOL. I might miss some “hints” and “signs” from H… But… hints and signs are no longer enough for me. I need something more substantial. If he can deliver… Great! I will take a look… If not… I will keep moving on.

Tomorrow I have our neighbor at the vacation home coming over to pick up my old car to deliver it to my mutual friends in Mexico (she is supposed to pick up my H from the airport tomorrow and I’m sure he will do the driving.) She was supposed to pick up the car tonight, but her flight got delayed, so she is coming tomorrow. I’m so sentimental about giving away my old car…. I’m just so weird this way… I had this car for 15 years and it “saw” the history… I have lots of memories in regards to this car… I’m selling it to my mutual friends for 1 ½ or 2 time less than I could have sold it to a private party.

In any case, I think this car is sort of a symbol… I NEED to let go of the past… I need to embrace the new beginnings!

[HaWho]

Hi Bright - I was glad to hear that you had such a nice birthday! I like Sotto's advice on how to handle the situation with the lipstick case.

As for your old car, that is very kind of you to sell it for less to your good friends. That kindness will pay you big dividends in life!

And yes, time to make new, even more amazing memories in your new car! Step on the gas . . .

[Irish M]

Hi Bright

New car :-) congrats.. road trip in your near future.
Great Idea to pass the old one off to someone who needs it and someone you know. I agree with HaWho.

As for the lipstick. It is a personal gift. It would of been nicer if H delivered it himself but who knows if he is ready for that yet. I wouldn't read into it too much. If it was from BIL. weird gift don't you think.

You have some interesting stuff happening..

hugs

Irish

[BrightFuture]

Thank you HaWho and Irish. I really didn’t want sell my old car to my mutual friends, because I just don’t know how long it will run and if there would be any major repairs needed in the nearest future. I will feel bad if it breaks down in the next few months. But my mutual friends were so adamant about wanting this car… I told them about all little things that are no longer “new” in this car, but they still wanted it. So, I hope that the car will last for a few more years without any major issue. After all, their daily drive is nothing compared to mine. They don’t need to drive on the freeway with speeds of 70-80 mph and drive around a big city.

They wanted it because they only have one car right now, a van that is very old and keeps breaking down. My male friend wanted my old car for his wife, so she would be independent in terms of driving and not relying on him taking her places. Not sure if she is really into this idea though, LOL. I think she likes him taking care of her. But, sometimes she really needs to have her own transportation. I think she will like it.

So, the other friend, the neighbor from the vacation home came over today to pick up the car. She was late… She was supposed to be at my house no later than 9:30. She finally showed up at 11. She said that there were some “issues” in the morning. Her daughter (who was supposed to drive her here) was feeding her baby (7 month old) and they had to deal with some kind of bank issues. I was a bit upset at first, but I let it go. I was working from home and there were no meetings at work, so I was fine. She apologized a million times. There was another woman who was going to the vacation home place and who lives in my city. They drove to the airport to pick up my H. My neighbor was reporting (texting) the status (got to the airport, picked up H…) to me, which I think was nice of her.

The interesting part in this “car” story was that H kept checking with me if our neighbor contacted me, if she was coming to pick the car, if she picked up the car yet (this morning)… etc… He arranged this with her first place, so why he was checking with me when he could check with her… I guess, I’m a more reliable person, hahaha! Or just because… he could…

So, enough about my car. It is gone! I’m going to see it at the vacation home thought. Kind of weird.

Irish, I so appreciate the opinion from a male about the lipstick and the case, LOL. I only had one from my sister’s H, who also said that lipstick is a very personal gift. I don’t know if I was not clear about the other part of it, the lipstick case. Lipstick case was handed to me by my BIL (H’s brother) with some comments, which I don’t remember. My other BIL (sister’s H) also thought that it would be very weird for H’s brother to gift me a lipstick case. So, he concluded that it was also from H. And this is what I need to find out. But… it gets weirder from here… LOL

My BIL (H’s brother) texted me last week asking if I would want to do a happy hour sometimes. I texted back saying that my GF was still with me and we would see if we could make it. We didn’t. So, I texted BIL today asking him if there are any happy hour plans for this week (as I really want to find out about the lipstick case…) He replied back saying that he is not sure when and where, but his sister and her son (BIL’s nephew) are in town and he would like to meet with them. I texted back “OK, maybe next week then”. What I’ve got in response was not what I expected… He asked me if I wanted to meet with his sister and nephew…

WHAT?! This is new. I know the sister was in town multiple times, visiting my BIL, since BD. Most of the times I didn’t even know she was here. Not that I was “invited” to join them or see her (mind you my BIL lives in the same neighborhood.) I have very mixed feelings about this. H told me at BD that his sister was surprised “that we were still together” at that time. In a sense, she encouraged H to split with me. She has very troubled relationship history herself (3 times divorced with multiple boyfriends in the wings all the time.., daughter trying to commit a suicide in high school over a broken R with a boyfriends.., son, declaring that he doesn’t want kids and doing vasectomy at the age before 30…), so I’m not surprised. And after she learnt about our split, she completely erased me from her life. I never heard from her or received anything from her (compared to holiday cards from H’s older brother and my BIL.)

I so wanted to tell my BIL that “no, I don’t want to meet up with your sister, but I would like to see your nephew”. But, I didn’t. So, I texted back “Ok, let me know where”. I can always come up with an excuse to not go. I have until Friday to think about it. I’m not so sure I want to do it. Part of me doesn’t want to open the can of warms, and part of me is very curious and devilish, LOL. I would not hesitate to throw the truth darts, which would be different from the past, when I was just listening and tolerating “the sister”.

Sorry for the long post again…