BrightNOW ... which I love btw ... I"m glad that your foot doesn't require surgery and is healing. I understand how the setbacks sometimes take longer than we'd like to move past. I suppose we just need to keep moving, even if at a snail's pace, and not lose faith.
I'm glad you had a nice time with your friends last night. I don't really know what to say about H's behavior. It's nice that he stayed and interacted. I guess I would take this time as an opportunity to show how much you've dropped the rope and are moving forward with your life. I think that's done by just having the same wonderful time you'd have if he wasn't there. So, regardless of future interactions over the next several days, enjoy yourself to the fullest, be authentically the wonderful BrightNOW that you are, and have a beautiful Christmas.
xoxoxoxoxo {{{{{hugs}}}}}
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
I am wishing you a speedy recovery and all the best in 2017.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Bttrfly, Irish, HaWho, thanks for stopping by. Merry Christmas to all of you! Merry Christmas to everyone who has been here for me over the years. I could not have done it without all your support!
Bttrfly, thank you for the words of support. I needed to hear that, even thought I was determined to do just that, enjoy my time and be an authentic me, BrightNow! And I think I succeeded. It was not hard at all.
So, H did show up for the Christmas dinner at our friends'. He even gave me a hug and wished me Merry Christmas, HA! (I assume that because everyone was doing it...) There were 4 couples, a 96 year old father of one of the couples, me, H and my friends' 4 year old. Another single guy didn't show up. So, when everyone took a seat at the table, there were two seats left next to H. Luckily, my mutual GF saw that and took a seat next to H, so she was in between me and H. One of the couples met H for the first time, I don't think they knew how we were related. They were seating in front of us and making a conversation with me and H. I kept waiting for an awkward question to pop up, but nothing happened. Wheeewww...
H lasted the whole evening again. After two couples left, we gathered closer at one of tables and continued the conversations. There were a few more topics came up that involved our history. There was no tension, we were laughing and making jokes, just like in old days. H even poked a couple of jokes at me. We had quite a few drinks by then... I was so proud of myself. I didn't feel any anxiety. I didn't hold back on any comments because H was there. I was just myself.
Need to mention that H said he was invited to a couple other dinners/parties and he stopped there before coming to my friends' house. My mutual GF told me today that she saw one of the guys who hosted one of the parties (who we all know and who is aware of our sitch) and he said that H told him that he would come back to his party after he visits with us. The guy asked how late we stayed, and was surprised that H stayed for that long and never made it back to his party. I think I went to my condo at about 1 or 2 am, don't remember exactly after many drinks... I think H left right before me. H probably had an exit plan when he told the guy he would come back to his house, in case H would feel uncomfortable. But... it seems like he felt very comfortable with us, and this is why he stayed all the way till the end.
I'm trying not make anything out of it. Maybe he is testing the waters on being friends, like he imagined at BD. Our male friend (the house host) told me the story the other day (after our first dinner where H was present) about his GF in his younger days before he was married to his wife. He said that they dated for about 2-3 year, then they split and then after they split and when he was married and she was married to her H, they became good friends. So, he was trying to make a point that H and I could be these friends one day. To which I said that 2-3 years of dating doesn't compare with almost 17 years of marriage, and I don't think we could be friends like that. But, maybe H has the same kind of idea. Except... what was holding him all these years? I was always friendly and didn't mind being in his company (with other people of course). It seemed like he was the one who had an issue. But... why now? This is totally unreal... Him not looking me in the eyes when stopping by the house... and then spending two evenings in my company. I can't even recall all the conversations and all observations I was making. I know there were a few... For example that H sounded like his "old" self in most of the conversations.
I just hope it will not come to bite me... meaning it will not set me back again. I need to keep focused on my own life. BTW, forgot to mention that I've been staying at my new condo! And it feels great!
Going back to my friends’ house now for some leftovers.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Merry Christmas Bright! I am glad you enjoyed your holiday. I'm also glad it went well and was comfortable with H. I don't have any advice on the friend thing, but I will say do what works for you, and only what works for you.
The new condo sounds great! Glad to hear you are enjoying it.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Bttrfly, I don’t even know if there could be any advice on this “friends” things, or anything in regards to my sitch. I’ve been feeling like failure again… that I don’t a have courage to end this… and keep being engaged in H’s strange behaviors… As I suspected, the Christmas weekend kind of backfired… I just felt the sadness all over again. This time of year has also been difficult for me after the BD. Our would be anniversary (21 years) was yesterday... It is always a sad day, considering that H is almost always in town at this same time, going to a Holiday Bowl with his brother. It used to be three of us, but I’m obviously not included into that for the last few years. This year I wished he would end this tradition and not show up in town at all.
He texted me about the company stuff a day before our anniversary. I didn’t hear a beep from him yesterday (anniversary). At least he has not disturbed me on that day. I’m sure he remembers the date, but I think he doesn’t give a d@nm about it.
SO… I was afraid to get sucked into this “nice” guy thing, with him showing up to Christmas dinner at the vacation home… And I did… got sucked in… Now, I’m thinking that he is not in MLC and never was in MLC… it was just me being not a right wife for him. Yes, guilty, I’ve been trying to analyze what I heard in the conversations, and most of it was just “old” H. Unless… I’m just not good at picking up the MLC trends, like others do. I feel stupid. I don’t even know if I am making may sense here.
I’m making a big effort to host a New Yeats dinner at my house. My sister and her family are on the vacation this year. Normally they would be hosting a dinner and do most of the cooking. This time, it is just me… In the past, we had the New Year’s dinners at our house. And… I had H to help with things… This year it is just me, and it is overwhelming, especially considering that I’m not 100% mobile yet (with my foot.) I’m sure I will get through this, as I always do. But… I just want to cry. Sorry for venting…
I want to wish everybody a Happy New Year! I hope it is better year for everyone, not matter where you are in your journey! Love, peace and prosperity to all of you!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Hi Bright. Sorry you are struggling at the moment. I hear you with just wanting to cry, I did that most of yesterday!
The whole not including us in things really hacks me off too. I also called H out on his secretive behaviour yesterday as I'm fed up of him being vague about the reasons why he can't come over to see us. One time he was just going to see his his parents but he made such a big deal of being unavailable!
We just dont know what goes on in their minds. I think they make a pretty good job of seeming normal to others but because we know them so well we can see they are not.
I am sorry you foot is still not good. Instead if making a huge dinner for NY can you get your guests to bring a dish each?
Wishing you love and happiness in 2917 Bright!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Hi Coly, thanks for stopping by. There was no option for people to bring a dish to the New Year’s dinner, as I invited them for Russian-style New Year celebration. So, I had to cook all the food. And I did! Everybody liked the food and had a great time! I did too! I’m glad the holidays are over though…
Got a text from H on the New Year’s eve while having a dinner party at my house. He wished me a happy New Year. I totally didn’t expect it, as I thought that he would be spending it with his friends at the town he is from. I replied with Happy New Year too. The reason I thought H was with his high school friends was that I saw the charges through our joint bank account online (his account, but linked to still our joint accounts). Apparently he drove there one day before the New Years. But… then my mutual friends told me that he was with them on the New Years and with the same crowd we had Christmas dinner with. So… he came back to the vacation home after one day in his home town. Interesting… I sounds like he was kind of bouncing around, trying to decide where he wanted to be… Also, I guess he didn’t go with his other crowd (with this crazy woman, her H, etc…) It is kind of significant that he spent New Year’s with the same people he spent the Christmas with… Another evening with more “reasonable”, settled people…
Maybe he is coming back to his senses, LOL. But I feel like I’m drifting further and further apart from him though. Now the Christmas dinner in the same company feels like a dream. And the reality is that I’m still moving on with my life. I’m not even sure I can reconcile with him at this point, if he would come back. I feel like I’m not willing to tolerate some of his “principals” any more. Maybe it is just a “hangover” from the holidays…
My foot is healing. I’m out of the boot and walking. Slow… with some hesitation… but walking without a boot. And I’m back to work in the office… It was nice to work from home for a while. I missed seeing some people at work, but I liked my time at home with a lot less stress.
Have a great week, everyone!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I'm glad to read that you are now "bootless"! That foot is going to be tender for a bit...try to wear comfortable shoes as often as you are permitted to do so when working. It takes a long time for these types of injuries to truly heal up nicely. I'm sure you are enjoying not having to take on and off that boot!
Happy New Year to you and your son! I hope the new year will bring you more happiness and peace.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So glad you are out of your boot. It was a great feeling when I was out of mine. Felt weird at first but all was good. Take it easy because it does take time to heal.
as for you drifting away from your H. You are finding yourself. Not dependent on him. It's a beautiful thing when one can say. "I am good with myself."
you sound great
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
