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#2679964 05/23/16 10:00 AM
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Hi folks, I'm joining this part of the forum, having posted in infidelity and MLC previously. I know many of you already and look forward to comparing 'life after D' notes with you.

I'll provide a bit more of an intro soon, but in the meantime, here's a link to my last thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2679963&#Post2679963


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Hi Sotto - want to jump over here to say thank you for all the wisdom and kind support you have always given to me. Your posts have helped so very much.


I will be checking in on you here.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Just wishing you well on the next stage of your journey. It might not always feel like it but your an example to us all. Thank you for being Sotto

Take care. Rd. xxxx

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Oh....visitors already! Why thank you HaWho and RD. I've appreciated the support and wisdom from both of you over the past period of time.

So, for those on this part of the forum - Me and XH met in 2003 and were M in 2009. No kids together (we were open to having kids, but I had an early menopause.)

Thought we were happy, but he became more distant - due to work I thought. January 2014 he decided to start asking women out whilst working away and soon became involved with AP. I found out and he dropped her - then started secretly seeing her again.

Main BD was he booked a flight to go see her and told me the night before. We S then - I left. I did the whole begging, pleading, rationalising thing - suggested MC etc. but he just wasn't interested.

I think there's an MLC element - lost a pile of weight, new clothes, young friends. Said he felt he was going under with depression - needed more sex, social stuff and running.

Things initially off and on with OW, but been on for about a year now. Her previous R was an A. Their M broke up then she cheated on him with XH - quality woman.

He says he hopes I'll see he's a genuine guy and he really knows what he wants now - a new family. Anyway, he filed for D and followed right through to the end. Not a bitter D. Quite amicable and I've been DBing throughout. Not actually seen XH for 18 months or spoken to him for a year.

All very sad, but I have GALed and built a new life I feel pretty pleased with. I always hoped we might be able to retrieve things. But when the D was final (only last week) it really seemed to flip a switch for me and is helping me move further forward. Who knows if I may plunge back, but for now I feel in a very positive place and happy to leave XH wallowing in his mud pool.

We just sold our marital home and I had an offer accepted on a house for me yesterday. I also have a growing friendship (nothing romantic) with a guy at work. Known him for years. He was also an LBS and he potentially seems interested in me. I still keep in touch with my stepson (and his Mum - she and I get along well - their M had ended over a year before H and I met.)

So, that's where I'm at - keen to keep growing and learning - and keen to be part of this bit of the forum where people are surviving and thriving after D.

Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Woo hoo for you, Sotto! Congrats on the house. That is awesome and exciting. I TOTALLY understand the sitch with your friend from work, as I am having a similar situation. Someone from my past back in my life, just friends, enjoying our time. I'm so pleased for you and wish you nothing but the best moving forward. smile


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Sotto, welcome to the neighborhood. smile



"Don't look back, you aren't going that way"
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So, I just got use to popping over to the MLC thread and now you've decamped to this one instead! Floosy!

Anyways, glad you're doing OK and you have some male interest. Go Sotto!


M 45 W 52
SD22 S9 D8
BD 6 April 2015
Not living together 4 Dec 2015
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Sotto my love I had to track you down! COngrats on house ... keep circling iwth NG ... you are a goddess ... love you madly so proud of you and wishing you all good things xoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Ah, thank you all. smile xx

Had a good few days - busy at work, couple of social things. Generally feeling steady and optimistic. Bit more challenging today. Buyers had their survey done and querying certification for some work we had done on the house. Not sure if we have what they want, and will have to look when I go up next week. It's an added stress to a trip I don't want to have to make anyway frown I think the main thing is to try not to lose the buyer....we can afford to lose a little money if that's what it takes so be it.

XH generally being very pleasant and sending polite, good wishes etc. Apart from today - a bit harassed about the house sale stuff - made a barbed comment by email about not wanting me to send a pile of random info to the agent. Was very calm and replied I'll link with him to agree what we send to them - makes me realise I have come a long way - and also that I'll be glad when I don't need to liaise with him any longer.

Been in charge at the charity bookstore today - enjoyed it - and I'm off out for dinner with my divorce group.

Take care all xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
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Sotto,
I hope that whatever the concerns the potential buyers have expressed can be cleared up rather quickly. Spending a little bit of money to get to the finish line of a sale is the focus of you and your xh. But, please do not allow the potential buyers to "con" you into a bunch of expensive work that isn't required. Of course, if this happens, you can always reduce the price of the home and they can fix whatever has popped up on their radar.

Enjoy your dinner this evening and I do hope you have a pleasant weekend.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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