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First thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2665116#Post2665116

Second thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2667581#Post2667581

Third thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2675530&page=1

Fourth thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2680427&page=1

Recap
BD
Now reason for BD
WAW
Kind on BD, anger grew with each passing day
WAW throwing tantrums in public.
WAW gathering support through stories of how bad of a person I am.
WAW driving a wedge between her and D17
I am depressed and and have anxiety attacks up until 3 weeks ago.
Am I numb, detached, or indifferent now?
Not sure.

Working on being the worlds best dad.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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Oops. I just posted this to your old thread, but I'm reposting it here now. I was typing away on it while you were doing your new thread stuff.

______________________________________________________________

And here you are, SH, being awesome! Yup, it's kind of disturbing that we know the forum rules so well these days, isn't it? Get thee to a new thread(ery)!

Can I just tell you that the acrobats and bearded ladies comment was hilarious?!? It truly is the only way to look at your W because how else can one deal with such baffling behavior? To cause a scene at your D17's graduation? All I can say is wow - your daughter has some serious clarity to be able to see through all that nonsense and recognize the selfishness underneath. Luckily she has one parent who is actually an adult. I bet you were wearing your SuperHero cape!

SH, I don't think you should shy away from journaling here just because you aren't quite sure of how you are feeling. Maybe by writing a bit more about your feelings and emotions you might be able to sort through your thoughts. I know that just typing here helps me figure things out sometimes. Just tonight I learned something about myself while I was tapping away at the keyboard.

Journaling doesn't have to just be about the daily goings-on. You can also share some of what you are learning along the way, too. That's why I started posting about my grief counseling work. I thought that perhaps it might be of some use for someone else, and that was the very same post that seemed to resonate with you. You said it brought you peace for the first time that particular day, and that helped me, too, knowing that the process I was going through could provide some comfort to you.

I am very happy to hear that you have gained back some of the LBS diet weight! That's really, really good. And sleeping without help and not needing anxiety meds, too! You are doing incredibly well. I am so glad to hear it. Roll with every single good day you have, SH. You may not have seen the end of the difficulties, but I have a feeling those days are numbered.

Good night, SH.

(((SuperHero)))


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
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SH, it's uplifting to hear how well you and your girls are doing. You are truly inspiring!


Me: 44
H: 44
Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10
Together/Married: 22 years
H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16
H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
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Thank you rose, for the vote of confidence.

Another restful night and sound sleep with no sleep meds.
Another early morning jog and third day in a row that I am waking just before the alarm.

Off to another day at work, and hopefully some good news about the finances so that this mountain in front can become a mole hill and I can proceed with some much needed changes of scenery.

I am looking forward to the long weekend with my girls. They are a huge source of peace, joy and comfort these days.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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Posts: 3,952
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SadHub,

Restful sleep, exercise and a long weekend with your children to look forward to; it sounds like you're in a good place today. That's awesome!

With regard to looking forward to good things to come, I often think of the turtle in "Finding Nemo." Just before entering the Eastern Australian Current, the turtle says to Nemo's dad, "Grab shell dude!" And then they're off on a wild ride. It may be juvenile of me, but that scene kind-of captures the wild ride I've been on, and once the ride has ended, a whole new set of adventures will be waiting for me. I think it'll be fun!

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Originally Posted By: SadHub
D17 has asked over and over for certain events to just include our family even with the D happening, and WAW refuses. Her request for it to just be the 4 of us after the ceremony made no sense as she never communicated such a thing.

So WAW storms off as we were trying to take photos for d17. We spend 5 minutes or so doing so, and then my friend and his family congratulate d17 and head home.

D17 then says she needs to call her mom as she was angry. She calls and I hear, "Mom, do you want me to come and take some pictures with you and your family?' Yes, I will come alone, no, MOM, stop!! Stop, I will be right over. Yes, I will come alone."

D17, then hands me her phone, has a look of desperation in her face, and then says, "Why can't she stop making it about her? This is supposed to be my night. Grrrr" and then she heads off into the crowd t find her mother and her family.

About 15 minutes later she comes back to me and d5 and we walk with her for a bit as she meets with friends and takes pics.
We then headed for home. d17 then expressed her frustration at her mother as when she went over to see her and her family she was bawling. d17 said that she refused to take any pictures, because she was crying. She said the family was good though as they just ignored her and focused on d17. Congratulating her and taking pictures. d17 was upset and stated, that once again, her mother made it about her, when it should not have been. This just makes me sad.

But on a positive note, after she finished venting about her mother, she reported feeling great after the ceremony, and that her mother was no longer going to take her excitement and happiness away. She said that she had friends come up to her all night as well as teachers and administrators and that she realized she had more friends than she thought. She loved the valedictorians speech and told me how it will apply for her and moving forward. She was one proud girl and I was an even more proud papa. It was a great night in spite of the behavior of WAW.


Wow, what a crazy story, I just caught up on your thread now.
You have remarkable patience and an even more remarkably D17.


Me37 W33
T:8 M:5
D3
BD 11/2015
EA+PA w boss 12/2015
S 3/2016

Im stronger because I had to be
Im smarter because of my mistakes
happier because of the sadness Ive known
and now wiser because I learned
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I am so glad to hear you've started finding peace in this WAW-induced roller coaster. What a shame your WAW took a milestone for your D17 and turned it into a pity-fest for herself. I actually feel quite angry on behalf of your daughter, but she handled it with dignity and grace.

Keep on keepin' on, SadHub, it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job of working on being the best father and man you can be.


M 10yrs T 13yrs
BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW
BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off
Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce
April '17-Letting go
2018 D busted
DD8, DS6, DS3
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Just swinging on by to check in on you, SH. I'm really glad that the Brene Brown talk was useful to you, too. I'm sorry that I still have to go in search of all the other good talks and info you pointed me towards. I just haven't had a lot of time in the last couple days, but after my grief counselor on Friday I intend to dig back in.

I envy you your good quality sleep. I'm still working to find the right formula for myself. The first thing I really need to do is get my body clock reset. Lying awake all these nights has me going to sleep later and later every night and waking up later as well. It's getting kind of out of control at this point. The med my doctor gave me yesterday gave me some of the strangest, most restless sleep, and if it happens again tonight, then I'll have to try something else. It's a tad frustrating that it remains an issue.

On the other hand, I'm starting to eat. Probably too much, so that's progress!

I hope that you have another good night's sleep, SH.


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,732
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SH_ Offline OP
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Duuuuude doodler. I love it. I'm so gonna grab shell and make the best of this ride. I know there will be some great adventures and good things on the other side. laugh


Thank you gr8 dad and Sara for the support for me and d17.

Phoebe, thank you for everything. For letting me share/coach you. It is very therapeutic for me and hopefully beneficial for you. smile

Some quick journaling.

So I debated whether to share this as I know that there are different camps as to the value and or meanings of dreams. So I preface this by saying that I mean no offense to anyone that is in the camp that they mean something or predict future outcomes. I am of the camp that dreams are the brain/ minds way of dumping the " junk" thoughts.

So, since I am sleeping normal again and actually hitting the REM sleep that allows one to dream, I have been waking and recalling my dreams. Well last nights was particularly of a disturbing nature because WAW was in it.

I was in the home that I lived in when I was about 8 years of age. I was there, d17 was there, WAW, and a guy that I knew when I lived in Mexico for a couple of years.
So the dream went that WAW was running around the house turning on a stereo that had Japanese language lessons. She was pacing and repeating the phrases.
I asked her what she was doing and she said she was brushing up on her Japanese as she was about to work a deal for some big company to help them take their product international. She told me she needed the deal so she could move out on her own.
She then said she had to go get ready and she left. The guy that I knew when I was in Mexico was then there telling me that WAW was doing well with the deal and would most likely get it.

I then went looking for WAW and d17 told me not to bother. I then went around looking for her anyway......I then woke up and felt.....well I felt nothing.

So, I was able to identify the junk that was in my mind that was being dumped through this dream.

D17 shared yesterday that WAW is hinting that she will need to get her resume updated and go into business because she won't be able to keep teaching and support herself on the salary she earns. She mentioned it to d17 as they watched a news story about IBM laying of folks, while hiring others.
This would be the part of the Dream about her trying to make a business deal.

I looked through a photo album yesterday and it had photos of WAW before we met when she was in Japan teaching English.
This would be the part where she is brushing up on Japanese.

D17 telling me not to look for WAW.
Many times she has told me to detach and move on until WAW can get it together.

The guy I knew when I went to Mexico and my childhood home?
Well, those are just memories in my head that mingled with ththe other stuff and wahlah!!

A nonsense dream with some of the stress that WAW has caused me.


Why do I journal this?
Well....because....
I am still trying to decide why it did not phase me and why I am so numb to her and everything she does of late, when just a few weeks ago, I was a basket case.

Is it good that I have returned to a calm place so soon?
Am I suppressing things that may arise later on?


Not sure. I am simply not sure. confused

Oh yea, I received texts from her tonight looking for money for a bill she received for d17 wisdom teeth removal that apparently did not get paid with the original bill, and swim lessons that she wants d5 in. I taught d5 to swim last summer and will take her frequently this summer. Funny how she wants money for things she wants to do, regardless of what she knows I will do.
I'll pay the dentist bill. Not gonna pay for the expensive swim lessons as I can get much more inexpensive lessons or better yet, spend some quality time with d5 myself and pick up where we left off last summer.

And.........scene.

Sleep tight all.
Tomorrow is a new day, with new opportunities. Don't wait for them to come to you. Go get them and be the person that only a fool would leave.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,732
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SH_ Offline OP
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Another restful night. Sleeping well and no more sleep meds since last week.
I am waking right before the alarm, and Jogging every morning going on a week now. This weekend, I will get the weight training back on track as the few pounds I have put back on are not the good kind.

I am still in a calm mood. Although last night I did have an hour of quiet anger. The kind where you curse her out for being ridiculous. But it passed.

D17 and I are re setting a boundary not to talk about WAW/her mother. d17 will share something and then we both get off on a tangent analyzing her behavior, and then we get upset at wasting time and energy on that. Ugh...I have to keep trying harder with the full detaching. Stupid analytical brain of mine.

One more day of work and then a long weekend with my sweet angel baby girls. Its gonna be so nice. It will also help take my mind off of things with WAW.
Will try to find a new place and purchase a new car for d17.

Have a good day y'all. Everyone here deserves it today. So I challenge everyone no matter what you are going through to do one thing that will make it a good day.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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