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I have never heard of a two week alternation schedule. Your intuition is spot on--it is not normal to want to go two weeks without seeing your kids. As a mother, that would kill me. I am sorry but I believe she has a motive that benefits her and her lifestyle. I think the kids have nothing to do with it. And I also would be very worried about that 7 hour drive.

My advice is do not agree to anything until you really think this through. In fact say nothing about it. Maybe consult with a pediatrician and a child therapist? This is too big a decision to which to acquiesce before you have really looked at it every which way. Just because she is squeezing you for an answer does not mean you have to make a rash decision. And it's awful that she pre-closed your kids on this. That was very sneaky of her. Your kids are way too young to even know what that alternation schedule really means.

Personally, the families I know who share custody, switch parents several times a week!!! They go a few days at each parent's house.

What does your lawyer say about the legalities of this? Is she still in the same state when she is 7 hours away with OM? I would counter (with my lawyer and a therapist) is it good for kids to drive two 7 hour trips every two weeks? They will tire of that; let me assure you.

Just slow down, think and ask experts.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Kyh - one last thought. In re-thinking this, the place to start is with your lawyer. Determine what your rights are as a father. I find it hard to believe that your w can dictate that you can only see your kids every 2 weeks!

She is the one choosing to go 7 hours away. Whatever the rotation schedule is, I would fight for her to have to drive them door-to-door as you certainly don't want to be driving all, of part of, that ridiculous commute on a regular basis.

Also, one tactic to consider with your lawyer is that you need a sitter to help you while you work. Sitters need reliable hours! Very few sitters are going to be hung ho about working every 2 weeks. And if this effects your work, your lawyer should know that, too. But the bottom line is: what are YOUR rights here?

She is the one choosing to go 7 hours away so that 2 week rotation schedule really benefits HER. I would keep copies of everything she has written about this. Her message even says she is traveling and doesn't want to do all that driving.

Boo hoo. She is a mother and that is a full time job! It is not something you just squeeze in between your summer travel plans. Fight for YOUR rights.

Ridiculous.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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We let both boys teachers know as well. Same reaction, you could tell they were shocked. H is president of the parent advisory council so he puts on a good face in public.

One of the teachers did alert us to some small issues with younger S. Said he was restless and lacking focus. I explained, of course we all are. It's going to take time to get into a new routine. We talked to S and according to teacher there have been no more issues.

So smart move alerting the school. Good job keeping focus on kids.


Me:43
H: 42
Married:17 years
S-12, S-10
BD:-10/16/15, OW, also married, getting D to be together with H.
Separated, mediation done, just need to file for divorce
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Hi Kyh, I agree with HaWho that it'd be good to consult a lawyer. Especially if you suspect that she may want to go work with him at some point. It's very important that you know what your rights are.
Many of my friends with shared costudy have kids every 2 weeks during summer holidays. One of them one month her, one month the father. I'm not sure I'd survive that but she said she got used to it & it's easier travel arrangement-wise. Their kids are still small.

Be strong & try to negotiate what's best for you (well, best under the circumstances). I would do everything in writing as they are very unstable in their thinking & decision making, it seems.


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H moved out Feb 2016
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Originally Posted By: Kyh

I don't want to quit DBing but I need to look out for my kids first and foremost. Still planning on keeping up with the kindness but wow, it's sure hard sometimes. Is every other week really hard on kids? I haven't found anything on it searching and I think it is her lawyer's input. IDT it is but I'm questioning myself since I'm feeling like I'm losing it. Should I just agree to the 2 weeks? I don't want to fight a battle I can't win with her but I have legitimate concerns as I mentioned above. I'm afraid if I try to stick to every other week she will turn nasty and try to take my time away, then I'll be waiting on the mercy of the court. It's how her family operates and how she's turned.


Ok ... standing up for your rights as a father is not tossing the towel in and putting DBing on hold. Thing is ... as men, you can not be a doormat, its unattractive regardless if she is in MLC or not .... as a father allowing MLC crazy to take your kids 7 hours away is even more madness. Get with a lawyer and see what YOUR rights are ... your MLCW thinks this game should follow her rules, do not be afraid to stand up for yourself, put your foot down and say no.... sure she will spin/spew and monster as the teenager was just told No by her authority figure .. tough-chit.
No way would I have ever allowed my Son out of county/State ... pretty sure they need consent to do that ... consult with a lawyer now, not later.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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I agree with cali that you need to fight for your rights as a father. I fault hard for mine. I did not accept that the mother is automatically the best parent for the children. I believe the court system may frown on uprooting the children to another state. The court wants this to have as little of an impact on the children as possible. The only reason I can see for her doing a two weeks on and two weeks off is to get them established in a school system in the other state. Once she has them established there then the other state also gets involved and it will become a much more difficult situation. I agree that your first cal has to be to an attorney. You should be able to prevent them from leaving the state until it has all been litigated.


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Thanks for the replies everyone. I do need to reiterate that I think the OM in the other city (same state) is the motive but IDK for sure; however, she mentioned it once so I doubt she's forgotten about it and it makes some sense out of her nonsense. I also don't know if she wants to take the kids there or just go herself on her proposed 2 weeks off. But she did bring up travel and I told her I would be willing to be flexible if she was taking a vacation so something is up. I'm no dummy, I know where she's been going when I have the kids.

Hawho, thank you for everything, but especially telling me to slow down. I had myself worked up over the last couple days and needed to take a step back to breathe and think.

I've only been communicating about this sort of thing by email or text so it is all in writing. I also forwarded everything to my attorney this morning. She agrees it is ridiculous but said it would be something to talk to the guardian attorney about. And it just so happens I got paperwork from her to get started. I called this morning to see if there was anything I needed to do besides bring her my retainer. She wants a list of references so I made a few calls today and am going to stop in with my retainer tomorrow. I didn't want to list references without letting asking/letting people know first. Can I list everyone here? LOL.

I emailed w this afternoon and told her I researched and every other week is not unreasonable and that 2 weeks is a long time for a kid not to see a parent and that I would be willing to be flexible (and hopefully vice versa)if she wants to take a vacation, or for events on off weeks, etc.; things a logical, thoughtful parent would think and say and asked her again to do every other week. If she doesn't I will speak with the other attorney.

Cali, thank you for the advice about not being a doormat and how it doesn't mean I have to stop DBing. I sometimes forget not to get sucked up into her crazy MLC tornado and let it get me a little crazy myself.

LT, I did check with the principal and w did enroll them for next year, but I won't let it get my guard down. There's no knowing what they're thinking and something is definitely up with the 2 week thing.

I talked to step MIL (adopted MIL rather) today and it was nice. I always feel better after talking to her. She invited me and the kids up too so I am going to try to make a trip sometime this summer when things settle down. I thought maybe w had spoke with her (I was actually hoping so) but she hasn't since Christmas. Par for the MLCer abandoning those close to them, she would have always been her go to.

Oh, and remember the toll bill I mentioned a while back? the one I wasn't going to give her because I didn't think she would remember to pay it. I got a letter today from collections, I literally LOL'd after I opened it and saw what it was. At least this bill was peanuts. Unfortunately, it is more reassurance my instincts are not off.

Thanks again everyone!

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OMG it's happening and I'm losing it. I told her again I wanted a biweekly schedule yester day and got back another with ridiculous custody proposals. my email this morning and there was one (from 530 am) there that she was taking the kids and moving. IDK what to do I've contacted both of my attorneys and am waiting to hear back. I called the school to see if they're there and it doesn't officially start yet. I'm afraid she's going to try to go this weekend. The kids were out of control when I talked to them last night so I wonder if she was packing. IDK what to do right now I feel so helpless... She can't just do this... I don't know if I should call the police or anything crazy without speaking to my lawyers....ugh...

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I've somewhat calmed down, trying to breath through this. The kids aren't in school, w won't answer. All signs point to that she left. I spoke to my attorney and we are going to file for emergency relief. Still waiting to hear from guardian attorney. I spoke with her yesterday so she knows I was afraid of this happening.

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KYH, I'm sorry to hear this. Do follow the advice of your L, try to stay calm and take any due legal steps needed.

Keep posting and take care my friend x


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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