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#2680371 05/24/16 02:17 PM
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H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
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Posts: 1,091
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Old Threads:

Focus on Me and my boys

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...923#Post2679923

Headed for D - Trying to move on

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...991#Post2673991

WW and I headed for D - no reconciliation

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...272#Post2669272

WW hope to reconcile

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...563#Post2664563

My 180 proposal WAW

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...647#Post2650647

WAW hope to reconcile

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...344#Post2640344

Summary of my sitch:

Nov 2014
W says she is not happy wants to move back to Toronto.
March 2015 we adopt 4th son.
May 2015
W buys a new house in Toronto under her name, we make plans to move.
June 2015 we adopt 5th son.
July 2015
W goes out to dinner with guys she met the two nights before with close family female friend in Toronto. Did not really think much of it at this time. Was upset but kept moving along.
July 2015
ILYBNILY
August 2015
Family vacation is a bust, lots of begging, pleading, crying on my part.
Fall of 2015
Constant arguing and unhappiness by W, becomes distant with me and I try to do everything to make her happy.
Oct 2015
I ask for transfer with work to move to Toronto, progress is slow on transfer.
W says she wants to move with the boys in January for them to start school, we make plans and get a condo, house will be ready for move in November 2016.
Nov 30 2015
Huge argument over nothing and W takes clothes and goes back to parents in Toronto.
Dec 8th 2015
I file for D, emotions and anger got the best of me. W gets upset and says will never forgive me. W starts to go on online dating websites within 2 weeks. Starts GALing like crazy in Toronto. Lots of NC, blocks me from knowing anything she is doing.
Dec 2015
I find DB and start to do 180s.
Feb 2016
W says she wants to reconcile. We go to 1 MC and each go to 1 IC. W says it's not working. Keeps asking when we are unfiling and selling house.
March 2016
House is sold, transfer in progress. I ask W if she is still dating she says yes. Tell her I will not be in an open marriage and stop my transfer.
April 2016
W files for D.
High conflict custody D begins.
Nesting plan in place for boys.
May 2016
Lose in court with buyers to rescind sale of home.
Move out date is June 3rd 2016.
Pysch evals in progress.
Apartment located to move in with boys and continue nesting plan.

W still feels her job is to be a SAHM. Says MIL is buying her the new house in Toronto. W wants us to co-parent in Toronto and be friends.

I am still conflicted on what to do. Feel better about myself and who I am. I know I can survive in Michigan raising my boys. Still want my WW but I know she has not hit rock bottom.

Two options:

Option 1: Accept her terms and co-parent in Toronto, let her keep the house there and build friendship with a very slim chance of getting back together.

Option 2: Stand my ground and move forward. Focus on me and my boys. Continue to spend 10s of thousands on D.


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
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Posts: 1,091
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So this morning's exchange was pleasant from my end. I said hello to her and she said nothing.
I asked her how her doctor's appointment was yesterday and she said ok. I asked if they found anything wrong and she said no.

W has lost a lot of weight, was all dressed up this morning in linen pants and a nice t shirt. clothes that I bought her. Make up was done also.

I said I needed to finish making the boys lunch and that I would leave after that. She asked if it was ok to go up to the MBR to sleep for an hour, I said of course.

I then went and kissed my boys goodbye as they were up and getting dressed and reading books.

Why do I feel so selfish in all of this?

I recognize my failures and accept them but cannot let go of my fear of moving up to Toronto and co-parenting there. It is not what I want. I want to be up there with STBX under the same roof with our 5 boys all as a family.

Throughout this whole year and a half W has done what she has said. Her actions follow her words. I have been the one who has been inconsistent because I have always followed her lead and tried to be supportive. Now that I have put the brakes on things with respect to the family she is reacting to hurt me. We have continued to do this for the last 6 months to each other. This is not healthy.

Now I don't react at all to STBX, I just react to what L advises and live my life with my boys. Just received another bill form L for $10K. Well there goes my bank account.


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
Joined: Aug 2015
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Hey sorry your going through this.

You have to look out for your self right now.


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,091
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STBX sends me some texts about S6. We have friendly exchange on how to address issues with him and agree.

Next set of texts:

W: When do you move to the new place? Closing is next Friday...

Me: June 1st. Citation Club. 3 bedroom.

W: OK. So moving the 2nd? Are we putting most of the stuff in storage?

Me: Yes and yes.

W: The movers are insured and reputable? I'm assuming they're going to be packing as well?

Me: Will send info when plans are finalized.

W: I will need the name of the movers and storage facility when you get a chance please. Also Monday is a holiday. Are you working or will you be home with the kids?

Me: I will be home Monday.

W: And can you be home this Friday to get the kids off the bus at 430?

I did not answer the last question. Again, this is the third weekend that is not hers that she wants me home before the boys get off the bus.

How does this show that she wants custody of the boys?

Her last text: OK thanks. I just need to know dates to book for the hotel next week.

Would appreciate any comments from LBS wives.
I probably need some 2x4s.
In my heart I want to allow her to raise the boys but I still feel if I move up there I am enabling bad behavior on her part.


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,450
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What's best for the children? Are they established socially where you live? Will you be able to provide for them similarly? How will you enforce a US custody order in Canada? Can she use the Canadian system to push you out of the picture?

Many, many questions.

I don't think you should let her dictate where you live when she is the one who wants to move and not as your wife. I think you'll regret it, the way you regret losing your home because she tricked you and worked with the buyers to sue you.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
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Painter,

Best for the children: I wish I could answer this one, this will be based off of the psych eval. Difficult to decide based on how quickly our family was growing and how rigid STBX was with the boys schedule and how busy I was at work.

Socially established: She never took them anywhere other than the gym. They now have to move to a new school next fall so they are losing all their friends at the current school.
They have 5 cousins in Michigan and one cousin in Toronto.

I can provide similarly here in Michigan. In Toronto, I am sure it will be the same since MIL will help with the new house.

I did some research for Ontario, Canada. Always favors SAHM. Canadian courts typically support decisions made out of their jurisdiction unless there is a compelling reason to change.

The only difference between Canadian system and Michigan is spousal support. Most likely she would get spousal support her whole life or until she remarries. In Michigan, spousal support would most likely be for a short time since we are married less than 10 years.


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 386
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Originally Posted By: JimKao
Throughout this whole year and a half W has done what she has said. Her actions follow her words. I have been the one who has been inconsistent because I have always followed her lead and tried to be supportive. Now that I have put the brakes on things with respect to the family she is reacting to hurt me. We have continued to do this for the last 6 months to each other. This is not healthy.


JimKao - I've found my W acting similarly - trying to be nice, open and transparent and wanting to work together (but still know she's being selective in what she shares). So when I act distant or aloof, I feel guilty - perfect example was last night, I got home she was in a good mood talking to family and I was just going about my business choosing not to be a part of the conversation.

I don't know if I have a right answer here, part of me reminds me that she put herself in this mess, part of the hope in me wants to engage and remind her she has a H.


Me: 40 W: 45
T: 13, M: 11
1 D: 9

Suspect A 6/15
ILBINILWY 8/15, and 3/16
EA/PA Discovered 3/16
EA admitted 3/16
W Moved out 4/16
W opens R talk and says A over 1/17
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Just received message from London. We has filed motion to change parenting schedule. Let does not think judge will approve and is also going to talk to psychologist. Geez!


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,450
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Originally Posted By: JimKao
Painter,

Best for the children: I wish I could answer this one, this will be based off of the psych eval. Difficult to decide based on how quickly our family was growing and how rigid STBX was with the boys schedule and how busy I was at work.


Life will be different in a split household and you need to have an opinion on this based on your insight as a parent.

Originally Posted By: JimKao
Socially established: She never took them anywhere other than the gym. They now have to move to a new school next fall so they are losing all their friends at the current school.
They have 5 cousins in Michigan and one cousin in Toronto.


I'm confused. You say they now have to move to a new school - is that in Michigan they are changing schools? Or are you using language as if you have already lost and they will move to Canada?

Because if you are talking as if you have already lost and WW has won, you should be careful with that. Using language that describes the result you do not want, shapes the outcome. If you have already decided to give in, why are you spending 10k on a L? Sorry for the 2x4 but you sound defeated and you need to pull yourself up by the bootstraps here if you want to keep the boys where they are.

Obviously, your kids are socially established with school and family, so that's a NO TO MOVING.

Originally Posted By: JimKao
I can provide similarly here in Michigan. In Toronto, I am sure it will be the same since MIL will help with the new house.


Similarly to what in Michigan? I asked - can you get the same type of job with the same income in Canada? Grandparents have no support obligation and is not included in these considerations. So NO TO MOVING.

Originally Posted By: JimKao
I did some research for Ontario, Canada. Always favors SAHM. Canadian courts typically support decisions made out of their jurisdiction unless there is a compelling reason to change.

The only difference between Canadian system and Michigan is spousal support. Most likely she would get spousal support her whole life or until she remarries. In Michigan, spousal support would most likely be for a short time since we are married less than 10 years.


So more compelling reason for NO TO MOVING.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
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