Still here and need support

[poschan]

Thanks for the input SH and PL. It helps to have the guidance as I have felt not 100% (maybe 60%) in my thinking and emotional control. We plan to break the news to d7 Friday. WAW still asking to have d7 first. I suggested that we ask d7 what she wants. I would like for her to have some choice in all this mess.

[SH_]

poschan, the thought to give d7 some choice in the matter, sounds good. But I do say be cautious with this approach. It can put a lot of pressure on her to make a big decision and can cause some issues about having to pick one parent over the other. You know your d and her maturity level, but keep that in mind

I strongly encourage that a co parenting plan be set prior and just follow it.
Suggestion as it is the one that my L helped me with as my d will not be away from either parent more than 3 days in a row.

Father Mon and Tues Mom Wed and Thur Father Fri Sat and Sun
Mom Mon and Tues Dad Wed and Thur Mom Fri Sat and Sun

Good luck in your efforts with this and know we are here for your going support and feedback.

[poschan]

Thanks SH. We've decided 7/7 plan. I did suggest yours for the summer so it wouldn't be so long between seeing her but WAW said it wouldn't work for her work schedule. Everything seems to be for WAW benefit.

[SH_]

Fight for your benefits as well my friend.

I hope you have had a day with some peace.

[poschan]

Hard to get motivated today couldn't get out of bed. I gave my self permission to not be okay and rest. I fear the talk with d7 on Friday and it keeps looping through my mind. I also fear the future without her here everyday and it saddens me deeply. I know I need to focus on today but it's not easy. Seems to be a vicious cycle of ups and downs with way more downs right now. Friends keep saying in 1 or 2 years you'll look back on this time and it will look totally different. I agree but that doesn't help the here and now.

[Phoebe]

I know that feeling a bit too well, myself. My brain knows I am going to be OK, but it's not always so obvious on a day to day basis. Just keep your focus on a really small time window, Poschan. The next hour, the next day... something manageable. Friday is coming very soon. It will be difficult, but then you will be able to adjust your focus to the next interim goal with that huge hurdle behind you.

((Poschan))

[poschan]

I have not yet tried an anxiety med (lorazepam). do you think I should take one before the talk on Friday or wait till after if there is some serious anxiety?

[Phoebe]

Personally, I'd try taking one ASAP to see how you react to it. Then, as long as that trial was fine (expect to feel like yourself, just with some of the edge taken off), I sure as heck would take one in advance of something I knew was going to be a massive trigger. You do not want your first experience with these meds to be under the worst case scenario circumstance, though.

I would say that you should do anything possible to be in the best and calmest shape you can be for Friday's conversation. You will be less likely to react in a way that you will regret in the future. Try the meds now, though. It's not a weakness to help yourself. Don't make perfect the enemy of the good. You won't win any extra brownie points on the day of your final reckoning because you didn't take a silly little pill.

I deeply regret not taking my meds before the last time I saw my WH. It went badly because I was ill-equipped to cope because my anxiety was out of control. I messed up because I was too proud to have him see me rummaging in my bag for the stupid pills. Pride goeth before the fall, right?

[poschan]

thanks for the input Phoebe. I hope your day is going well.

[SH_]

I second what Phoebe says.

The meds are best used outside of the high stress points first so you know how the affect you.