continued detachment, anxiety, and joys of limbo

[J5K]

Phoebe,

I am glad to hear you had a better day. I agree with Painter it is not a fun process but the days will get better. They have for me, you will become stronger and yourself again with time. Hang in there and I hope you get some good advice from the L you speak with tomorrow.

Sleep well!

(((Phoebe)))

[SH_]

Good evening Phoebe.

You are sounding better today. The PMA is really coming through. Keep this up and the physical will get back to normal.

Your efforts with GAL and meeting new people are awesome. Who would of known, as it was a couple of months ago I recall a certain introvert sharing with us that was not really her thing.

Look at you know. Doors are opening up for you and you are making great progress.

I am really proud of you.

Sleep well tonight.

[Phoebe]

Oh, it still isn't my thing, SH!!! Thank you for the praise, though.

I mean, the walking friend hit on me the first time I met her, and the biking/L potential friend is male.

Danger, Will Rogers!

I am so incredibly naive in this department! I mean, I met H as a kid, really, and I've been out of the whole singles scene for my entire adult life. I never really learned how to navigate the waters.

I'm looking for friendship, and only friendship, but that may, or may not be what another person has in mind. I've lost any skill I once has in recognizing the difference. I thought by focusing on meeting women that I could eliminate any potential romantic issues, but even there I ran into deep water. I am astounding unsure of how to proceed. No way am I interested in anything romantic with anyone, but I do need and want friendship. I'm good at talking to people one on one, but dealing with these underlying currents... Not so much.

It doesn't help that for my whole life I have always 'clicked' better with men than women. I'm just not at all girly, so a lot of common feminine subjects don't resonate with me. I've never had a manicure, and I don't like shopping. I wouldn't recognize a Jimmy Choo if someone hit me over the head with one. My first best friend was a boy! It's the reason I was so bonded to H, and also a big reason I have had so few friends over the years. Marriage makes opposite gender friendships risky.

Anyway, I have a lot to learn about making friends, that's for certain. Fodder for therapy, I suspect.

JimKao, thank you for your good wishes and support.

[Sotto]

Hi Phoebe, glad to read that you are doing well. And like others say - I'm proud of you!! You are pushing forward even though challenging things are happening for you - a true measure of your character.

As for the friendships with others. One thing I have had to learn is how to look after myself in new situations. Codependent no more is useful for this. The fundamental question is always - is this working for me? Is this okay with me? If not - follow up question - what do I need to do to look after myself in this situation?

I think this leads to more honest and authentic relationships - where I'm not trying to please people in order to earn acceptance - but where I am turning up as 'me' and would like friendship, but equally can say if something isn't working for me.

Hope this helps anyway Sweetie and hope you have a good day today. I would agree that it's probably not worth avoiding the process server. Why should you hide away from anything?? Xx

[Ggrass]

Phoebe,

Don't kid your self, I doubt xh2 has decided he lost me.

He's throwing out he has to hook me back into his drama so I stop the L. That is all.
A man that did what he did knows what he did was beyond what most folks would call one off behiavours. Some I will, never disclose to close to personal.

He chose plan b which wasn't me. I Did the work, he has not it's a given. Something they tell you db is your spouse can tell if you have remotely changed I do feel in some ways different other ways I'm not changed. I'm pretty sure tho xh2 thinks I have and has noticed.

I have noticed tho IMHO he has not changed, not done the work nor has he left the ow.
For a m all three would have to happen or be happening. Putting aside bf, which I'm not leaving.

The fact he thinks he can throw crumbs snap his fingers and will run back begging again.
He expects more of the same. No deal the one 180 was no running no begging.

[Phoebe]

I'm sorry, Ggrass. I was really just trying to be a bit silly. I am not up to speed n your sitch, so I don't know what your H has done. Your 180 of not running not begging is a position of strength and empowerment, and one I admire very much.

[Phoebe]

Well, no progress at all on the legal front. I talked to the L I saw locally about a month ago, and we'll talk about the pairs I get served with.

I have a voicemail in with someone else, but she hasn't returned my call.

I feel like I belong in a soap opera these days. So much silly drama!!!

[Phoebe]

That should be "papers" I get served with.

[Painter]

I was just telling a friend that I sometimes watch the Kardashians to feel better about my own life.

I hope you get a L who can help you make some headway soon.

I'm having a better day than yesterday and this morning. It's amazing how it can change.

[Phoebe]

I'm so glad to hear that, Painter!!!

I'm stuffing down some food and them I'm going to that free classical concert. Fun!