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Phoebe Offline OP
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I'm with you, SparrowHawk, a circus will always be a three-ring sheet show in my mind now! smile

So I'm stuck in my house without a car and no phone to call for a ride back to my car. Looks like I'm going to get in a nice hot hour's walk today unless I go beg my neighbors for a ride. Bummerific development. The walk would be great, but in 90 humid degrees, well... not so much, and thunderstorms are coming, too. I could wait until my parents realize they haven't heard from me, but I said I'd be a few hours, so I'd be waiting quite a whilee and I have things I need to do today.

My other task while I was in the house was to call my therapist to let him know how I'm doing. Can't do that, either.

So, the chicks are doing well, the chickens are well, the cats are well, and I am... well, obviously I'm a bit scattered!

I'm also feeling kind of numb and generally down, shaking, the usual stuff, but letting out a few deep breaths of f-that. smile

OK. I've got 3 miles to walk before the storms arrive, so no time like the present, right?! Have to change into lighter clothes, though, or my nice shower will have been for naught.

Thank you SH and Painter and everyone else for keeping up with me. It means a lot to know that you are out there.


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
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Posts: 1,081
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Phoebe Offline OP
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So I did my walk to retrieve my phone, and it was good to be outside, of course. I live I such a beautiful part of the world, and it's too easy to take it for granted. The birds had a lot to say, even if it's harder to see them now that the trees have leafed out.

The thunderstorms have arrived, and I am pinned down in my car at the moment, waiting for them to pass, so I came to this site!! Shocker, right?

So I guess I'm in some kind of holding pattern until the holiday is over. I don't know why on earth H couldn't have contacted me himself instead of this coward's approach. Of course, this is the same man who literally ran away from home l, followed by an email, rather than tell me to my face that there was a problem, so I shouldn't be surprised. I just am.

Still no reply from H to my email. Par for the course, now that he's got other people to do his communicating for him.

Oh well. I'm hanging in there today. No tears so far, which is also pretty shocking, but says a fair bit about how far I've come, I guess. Yesterday's tsunami has passed, and now there's just more cleanup. I'm not perky, but I'm OK.


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,450
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I guess in one way you can see it as a positive that he is so ashamed he can't even contact you. I don't think it's indifference.

It would be nice if they had a little bit of the person we thought they were left in them.

Glad you made it to your car before the storm! Did it break down? It sounds like the walk did you good. smile


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,732
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I love to hear an edge in your posts. You indicated to painter that you have not really felt anger much in this.
I experience the same. Funny thing is WAW convinced me over the years that I was an angry person. But that is a story for another time.
My point is that you may not be feeling the rage anger, but your posts since the 3 minute meditation have an edge to them that I think is good. There is some anger in there. And it is good. I think anger has a place and for me it aids me in thinking straight.

So this thing about your car and cell phone. Did your car break down? Why the long walk to the car?

Not that it is all important to know and all, but I thought I missed a post as I read that.

You sound good today and that is yet another sign of how far you have come. After yesterday you have performed brilliantly today.

Keep the meditation up and smile big. You are awesome and don't you forget that.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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Phoebe Offline OP
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Oh man. I had written a whole post and then goofed up and closed the window on my phone before I hit 'submit.' Drat.

Well, it's too late to start again now. I'll update tomorrow. I'm giving up on sleep for a little bit. My GP says I should not just lay here, that I should read or something. I'm going to go suck to my books. I just wanted to be sure my post got submitted. I disappeared it, instead.

Ah well. If that's today's worst event, the ID say I did really well.

Hope everyone is sleeping already. You, too, Painter, my fellow night owl.


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,081
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Phoebe Offline OP
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Ok, in my posting chaos, I missed your post, SH!

I've been dodging the possibility of an encounter with a process server this weekend, so I'm staying away from my place as much as I can right now. I know they'll get me eventually, but why ruin a perfectly iffy holiday with another slap of reality??? My parents went to my place to work a project. I decided I had some stuff I wanted to do, too, so I had them leave me there and I told them I'd call when I needed a ride. (no car in the driveway = stealth mode). Just one flaw in the plan - I left my phone back at their house. Oops.

So, I was stranded with no car and no phone, so I walked to their house (and my car) which is a bit over 3 miles. Car's totally fine, by the way.

The reason I was pinned down in my car after that was because of a torrential thunderstorm. I went out to buy a couple things and had to pull over it got so bad. I happened to pull into a McDonalds, so I thought I'd get some lunch, but it was too awful to open my car door. So... I stopped in to see how everyone was doing here. smile

Yes, I'm good at making a long story… even… looooongerrr! Sorry 'bout that.

Anyway, I'm not particularly angry, even now, but I am starting to feel like I'm moving on a bit.

I talked to my friend's lawyer friend for about 40 minutes tonight. Only part of that was about my sitch, and the rest was about biking and skiing. I think I may have found another possible new friend, and I'll take every one of those I can gather up these days. He Invited me to bike with him, so he may be my new biking friend. My possible hiking friend get together is next week (I was supposed to hike with her Tuesday, but the silly legal monkey wrench got tossed into the ring and mussed my plans), and I have a new waking and talking friend (who introduced me to the L).

This L is not a divorce attorney, unfortunately, but it's still cool that he's willing to advise me and recommend L's I should talk to. On a holiday weekend, no less.

Feeling cautiously optimistic in the making new friends department.

I don't know about being edgy, but goofy I can do, and that f-that meditation tickled my funny bone. Still laughing about hearing it playing when I tried to call my therapist! That was great.

Now I need to try to hit the hay again. 'Night everyone. I hope you are all asleep already. Only crazy insomniacs are still awake in this time zone!


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
Joined: Mar 2016
Posts: 1,732
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SH_ Offline
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Ah, the secret agent stealth mode. I love it.
Enjoy this weekend, and let me tell you. When you are served, stand tall, look the server in the eyes and thank them for the service. Do it with all the confidence of a championship boxer. You may be nervous under the surface, but you won't show that as you stare down the server with that boxer mentality. Growl a little bit if you have to to really intimidate him. Grrrrrr mad
Practice this in fromt of the mirror. First it will make you giggle. And second it will provide you with confidence. Trust me, as I look back, I wish I would have demonstrated more confidence. This process is not near the death blow it felt like at the time.
Take it from me, you have been preparing for this for months. Nothing changes your current living life situation by having this move forward. You are already living a life on your own. The paperwork changes nothing.

Also, I love the edgy humor. It may not have anger in it, actually as I say this I know that it is not really anger. I believe my WAW accused me of anger because I tended to have the " edgy humor" approach. It suits you and adds one more layer to what makes Phoebe so awesome and cool. One more aspect that someone will find attractive in you. I do. wink

Make it a great day my dear Phoebe.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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Mine still throws out hooks and I have a live in bf these days.

So go figure! crazy bag of fruits and Nuts anyone

Anyone anyone

I let crickets answer that.


M 46 h54
Both married before
T 11y
Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads!
Ms 18 hs 26
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Phoebe Offline OP
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He can always hope, right Ggrass? (unfounded optimism never stops a lot of people) Plainly he eventually realized he really was a fool to leave you. HIs loss.

I'm hanging out at my place today, but I've stashed the car in a place that's hard to see from the road. Yes this subterfuge is ridiculous, and probably not worth bothering with. I have to ask my new bicyling/lawyer friend if I should just break down and call the process servers back.

Also entertaining the idea of calling H to ask him what triggered the legal process. He said himself that he wanted everything to be discussed and agreed upon if we went this route. None of this makes sense. Still no reply to the email I sent him.
_____

back a while later:

Well, I just spoke to new bicycle/L friend and he says I shouldn't call the server. I should let them track me down and earn their pay without making it any easier on them. He also recommended a specific L to talk to first tomorrow. He said that when I get whatever papers the server is bringing that he will review them for me. New friends can be good things, huh?

So, today has been a surprisingly reasonable day! My appetite is poor, sleep is meh, but shaking is manageable. Tomorrow may be a different story, but I'm rolling with today! I talked to three people on the phone, had breakfast with my mom, and then my dad helped me install my air conditioner, so a whole lot of positive social contact today.

Tomorrow morning, time to contact yet another lawyer. Sigh. I so enjoyed my time outside the circus tent. I knew it couldn't last forever, but I was hoping for a little longer. A girl can dream, right?

Then I see my therapist in the afternoon, most likely a hike at my new favorite park, and then I think I'm going to a concert in the evening for something a bit new - a classical wind offset of the local symphony.

GAL and get a L????

Hope everyone had a good day today.


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,450
P
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Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,450
It's not a fun process. It's hard to clean up the broken pieces from the floor, but I guess we have to. Personally, I do better when I have concrete tasks to handle - if I can calculate finances, figure out how to deal with a contracts, research - that makes me feel more empowered.

I notice there are a lot of other/new people in your life and I wonder if that might be why you're feeling better, or at least coping better than you expected? You have support and you're not alone, and you can talk to someone about your situation (and some can give you real advice).

It sounds like you have a good day set up for tomorrow. Can you go with someone to the symphony? Now you got me thinking I want to look for outdoor concerts... The weather here is so nice.

Did you do any more planning for your road trip?

Son and I did some nice things today, I can tell the fresh air makes me feel better. He came and picked me up for lunch at work yesterday and we ate outside, and I was able to eat an entire bowl of soup. Today, I ate a burger for dinner! Felt really hungry after a walk at a dog park that is a little further away, but much bigger (9 acres).

Otherwise I've had a crazy communication with WH but I've posted that in my own thread. I feel like I live in an episode of 20/20 or Dateline.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
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