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Hi Phoebe,
Sounds like you're doing great. Have a great weekend!


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
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Hi Phoebe,
Sounds like you're doing great. Have a great weekend!


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 1,965
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Hi Phoebe,
Sounds like you're doing great. Have a great weekend!


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,081
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Phoebe Offline OP
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I am so glad to hear that, SadHub. I was hoping that the old "No news is good news" rule was in effect.

I have not yet done the chocolate meditation, BUT I did buy two bars of Lindt chocolate as supplies for my meditation project - 70 and 85% cocoa. Now I can claim that I am also doing research. smile

Hey 1gr8dad and Grl! Thanks for checking in on me.

Big (tiny) news on the farm today! I brought home a batch of teeny tiny 2 day-old chicks this evening, and they are all set up in a brooder box in my dining room. Who can dwell on unpleasantness with such a concentrated dose of cuteness in the house?

Chickens have a habit of multiplying, even if you don't actually have rooster. I planned on buying 6 chicks, but I came home with 8 - 4 barred rock pullets, and 4 Americana pullets. Well, they're supposed to be pullets. We shall see. Actually I'd welcome a rooster or two, as long as they were well-behaved. I'd love to have them on security duty when the girls are out and about.

I also waged more of my war of the (multiflora) roses with a couple more hours of brush-hogging, and I got all that foolish barbed wire cleaned up, as well as some other downed fencing.

A farmer once told me that if I get even one thing done every day, that I'm doing well. So... I'm not sure the clean up will ever be done, but every day I make a small difference.

The fields are getting so green now - they're beautiful.

So, I've decided. At first I wasn't positive about what I was going to do, but this farm is mine, and I am going to make it my own. H may have left, but I am staying.


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
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Oops. Sorry for the multiple posts. My phone hiccuped.


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 1,965
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Phoebe, just want to tell you I really enjoy your posts. You are doing so well and sounding so strong despite your struggles.

I may be further along the path but I am honestly nowhere near your level of serenity. I really like how you keep yourself busy with your farm.

Keep on keeping on! You're a real lovely lady!


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,450
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Awww... baby chicks... smile Remember to take pictures, they grow up so fast!

It sounds like you are extremely productive with your farm and are filling your time with meaningful activities. You have come very, very far in a very short time, I think.


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
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Well, today had been an exhausting, but reasonable day until just a little while ago.

First, I broke a 1" metal pin on my brush hog and there is some secondary damage to the support frame. I limped it back home, which was a bit of a trick, given that it was only connected to two points on the 3-point hitch and I had to be careful it didn't hit the tire and cause even more damage.

Then, I came inside and one of my brand new chicks had died! Poor peanut. She was chunky and had a crop full of food. I don't quite get it. Last year I brought home 13 chicks and I have adult 13 hens to show for it. Now I'm worried about all the other babies. Fingers crossed.

A farmer once told me that one problem with livestock is that you also sometimes end up with headstock. It's true.

Anyway, beyond that I am totally beat this evening. It was humid and I did a whole lot of strenuous work outside before I even started on the brush-hogging project. I just want to take a hot shower and crash for a while with a book.

I was both missing and angry at H today for abandoning me to take care of this huge place on my own. I was out there wrestling old wire fencing out of a massive rose thicket, and I was getting shredded by the thorns as I fought to cut out the wire and I was thinking that I really could have used his help. Absolutely zero contact from him for 11 days, and that tiny admin-type exchange was only the first since the beginning of April. Sigh. I'm not going to mind read, but it's tempting to feel really badly about myself.

So... feeling kind of low this evening. Husband that doesn't want me, feeling lonely, I have a dead chick and broken equipment that will be hard to deal with, and I'm just feeling the weight of the place today.

I want someone to share my life. I have no idea when or if that will ever happen, nor any idea who it might be with anymore, but probably not my H. Anyway, I'm feeling kind of demoralized.

Not sad, not angry, just down.


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
Joined: Sep 2015
Posts: 1,965
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(((Phoebe)))

At the risk of repeating myself and sounding like I have a very limited range of vocabulary, you're doing really well.

I get your anger and frustration. I would like to have someone to keep company with. Life just seems too long a time to spend alone.

I love your GAL activities and how you keep active and busy with meaningful activities. But perhaps like me, you still crave for more human contact? How are your meetups coming along?

I realise that I get deeper into a funk when I spend too much time on my own, even if I keep busy and really do enjoy my own company.


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,450
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Drat about the damage to the bush hog! I hope it's not going to be insanely expensive to fix. Does your dad do welding?

Also sorry about the baby chick... frown Very much the reason why I only had chicks the natural way (with a mother hen from my brood).

I can understand you missed H today. Completely natural. But if you're going to feel badly about someone, feel badly about H - he's the one who is behaving badly.

You may have read in my thread that I learned today that H moved OW into our home before the ink was dry on the paperwork. It explains the bullying to get me to sign.

So yes, I know the feeling badly about yourself. And it always amazes me, why we feel bad about ourselves when someone else does something horrible to us? How can that even be? We believe what they tell us because we trust their judgment?


M 16 yrs, WH62, P54
3 adult blended kids
EA 11/13, BD1 6/14
PA fall 14, BD2 2/15
Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15
Separated 4/16
WH moved OW in 5/16
Divorced 6/15/17
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