[quote=SadSara]to rack the foundation of a child's world like that...well, it's just horribly selfish. [/quote
SadSara hit it on the nose with this. Such a horrible act to do this to children. Setting them up for future trama as they grow up. So many adults say they are not close to one parent or don't see them at all. It's wrong and this MLC crap must stop.
I feel for your Daughter, it hurts reading it but I am so glad that you are her dad. I read your posts and see a dad that will get them through this and any other problem. Keep it up. Superheroes don't only wear capes, they are strong parents too. You are a hero.
M51 XW43 (38 at bd) BD1 MAY 30 2015 BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text moved out Aug 2 2015 left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20) Her divorce Final July 26 2016 Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Hey SadHub! I'm checking in on you, and wondering how you are. You've gone missing for a little while, but I'm guessing that's a good thing and that you are busy and doing well.
Anyway, I hope that you are having a lovely day and that you have a wonderful weekend with your incredible daughters.
Take care.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
Yeah, I've been thinking that SH's moniker could use an update for some time now. SH, it is!
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
I need to thank those that have checked in and shared support for me since my last post. It was a tough one that threw me for a loop, but I was able to move past it. Due to some other events since then, mostly good, but also eye opening and a window to what I may have to accept and work through for my future. Details to come.
Phoebe, thank you for always checking in on me. Your support for me and my daughters is comforting and strengthening for me. While you do not have kids, you demonstrate such motherly instincts, and your words of kindness and concern are truly appreciated.
1gr8dad, thank you for being such a great dad. You are such a role model for d3, praying with her and praying for both mom and dad is the best. I know it is important to do this and that is what was so hard to hear my d say what she did. I can't control WAW but I can control me and I will. D5 sees this and I know it. Thank you for your words and support.
Sadsara your words ring true and very in the theme of what runs through my mind each time I see WAW act out and or hear my d's share the acting out. It is sad, but my goal is to work that much harder so that the good I can do prevails. My d17 recognizes this and is much the reason she has chosen to not put up with her mothers behavior. Time will show d5 the same if her mom can not break the spell of the fantasy she is living now.
Rich, you are so right. It is the 101 of parenting. In my state the divorce paperwork has several clauses about not bad mouthing the other parent. I selected my L because co parenting was his top priority when working with his clients. Unfortunately WAW is focused on money and how she can get back at me since d17 does not want to be a part of her fantasy life.
Irish, your post brought a great smile to me. It is a confidence booster to feel your support for me as a father and as a superhero. I am somewhat of a comic book nerd and love most things superhero. I will proudly wear a cape, and the role of a father. Thank you for your kind words.
V, you made the smile even bigger. Your wit, humor and sincere support always brightens my day.
Thank you all for the kind words, support and confidence you share with me.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Vanilla and Phoebe I will take the nickname of SH for now. Funny thing is I have been contemplating a name change for several days as I wanted it to demonstrate more my goals and confidence, as I do not feel so sad these days. I will continue to ponder on this until the right name comes to mind, but for now, SH suits me fine.
SH, for SuperHero as Irish posted for me.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I've actually hoped you could change your name since you first arrived here, SH, because "SadHub" only reflects where you started, rather than where you are going. It's almost like an anchor to the pain, holding you there with it.
Maybe choose a bird for your new name. Then you can fly.
Switch it up. I'll still recognize you in your feathered cape!!!
Meanwhile, I want to hear about the good stuff that's happened for you to bring you to your current superhero-ness, and about your D17's change of direction.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
About name changes....yeah we need to think about making hopeful names instead of sad names.
Seems we all are kind of running the roller coaster lately? Just driving by to lend my support.
M 10yrs T 13yrs BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce April '17-Letting go 2018 D busted DD8, DS6, DS3
Your sympathy for your W is the same place my head is at. And for me it is causing serious confusion, bouncing between anger and sympathy rapidly.
During mediation my W was being selfish. It was painful. My IC said greed is driven by fear. Yep, I can see that now, but had trouble with it at the time. Looking back at the final outcome a week later, it looked a lot better to me than the day of. Not fair, but better. Fear was controlling me also, with some greed even.
Many people have told me "it's just stuff." Took a long time for that to sink in too, still frustrating that I worked so hard to give up so much, but I'm getting there.
I don't think "fantasy" is the right word for your W's state. That term is used a lot on here. I think an "escape" might be a better word. It's not necessarily better, in fact it likely isn't. Is that the picture we paint of where they are when we are angry, that it is a fantasy? While actually they are stewing in their own misery scrambling trying to find that piece of themselves that they "think" is going to make them happy?
Destroying lives, including the children's.... Yep, I hear you. So selfish! Wait, are we feeling sorry for her or angry at her at the moment we think she is being selfish? Obviously anger.
I've heard plenty of comments from my kids. In my pain I doubt I responded perfectly. In fact I screwed up fairly bad a couple times. Then had to try to repair the damage I caused. The latest tear-jerker, a couple weeks ago, we went out on the deck to look at the stars. I told the kids to have a wish ready in case they saw a falling star. We didn't see any, I was disappointed. So I asked S11 and D9 what their wishes were, they both said they wished for us to be back together. This is after we've been apart for almost 6 months!
I will guess it will be a long time before they feel anything different. Will probably depend on if one of the parents screws up often enough to cause resentment. Once that happens, the kids will likely think the D was for the best, and the better parent will be told you would be a fool to take the other back. I've seen it before a few times.
