Dear wife, I just want to let you know that I don't care about your move out plans. Please don't call me at work anymore telling me when the movers are going to show up and talking about what you need to do. I don't care. I don't want to know your plans. I have tried my hardest to move past this. I will know you have moved out when I get home from work and your stuff isn't there. This is your thing and the less I am involved with it the better off I am. You are doing this for you, well I don't want to be involved, for ME.
Thank you for your understanding.. ______________________________
I didn't send this to her, I just really wanted to get this off my chest. Because I was sitting here at work fuming.
Collin, that's a great way to get it of your chest... Just keep doing you, and you'll get through.. I've read in a lot of sitch's where the LBS finds it easier to detach and let go of the rope when physically separated, I hope you find the strength to do so...
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
I echo Coconut. The physical separation, while painful to think about, may allow you some relief. For me, it relieved the tension and it allowed me to more easily focus on me. You will get through this, not easily, but you will get through this.
Collin: Yes, the physical separation will be tough (check out my thread). What are you doing to prepare/battle?
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
Yesterday morning my W had to run to Chapel Hill to drop off a foster dog. She asked me if I wanted to go and I was trying to implement the rules on here (detaching, separating, etc...) so, I said No and she went on.
Well later on last night she got upset with me for "not being there for her" and "she shouldn't have to tell me". I explained to her that I was under the impression she was leaving me and moving out (she is) so I assumed she wanted her space...(you know,separation). I told her that if she wanted me to go she should've said that instead of posing it in a question of, "do you want to go?" Since I'm not a mind reader. She said that anyone who knew her wouldn't have to be to be told, they would know.
I was dumbfounded. I know things go up and down and change in an instant. But what the heck...?
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
Well I just had one of the hardest several minutes emotionally I've had in a while. I was sitting in the house alone on the couch looking around when everything I looked at brought up a memory of her and us.
I left the living room walked into the kitchen, same thing. I was a blubbering mess. Finally I had to come outside.
Thank goodness her and D left for a little while, because right now I'm a wreck.
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
Yesterday morning my W had to run to Chapel Hill to drop off a foster dog. She asked me if I wanted to go and I was trying to implement the rules on here (detaching, separating, etc...) so, I said No and she went on.
Well later on last night she got upset with me for "not being there for her" and "she shouldn't have to tell me". I explained to her that I was under the impression she was leaving me and moving out (she is) so I assumed she wanted her space...(you know,separation). I told her that if she wanted me to go she should've said that instead of posing it in a question of, "do you want to go?" Since I'm not a mind reader. She said that anyone who knew her wouldn't have to be to be told, they would know.
I was dumbfounded. I know things go up and down and change in an instant. But what the heck...?
Don't read into it too much, Collin.
My guess is that she would have been just as cold had you gone.
Tonight was rough. I helped her get some of the larger stuff outside for when the movers come. I tried to leave the room when I felt myself getting emotional. Well I walked to the back of the house and did a good cry. After I somewhat composed myself I walked outside for fresh air. On my way outside she asked what I was upset about? My reply was "don't ask me stupid questions."
I went on outside and sat on the porch a few minutes. When I walked back inside she walked towards me. I assumed she was mad for what I said. But she did something unexpected. She put her arms around me and I put mine around her and we held each other and cried for several minutes.
I wanted to stay there forever. I know her moving out is inevitable. But I have got to bust my butt every single day to get her back. I told her yesterday I wanted to respect her and her space so I won't be spending a lot of time over at her place. I don't know if going completely dark would be the best way to win her back. I know my wife and going dark would back fire on me and push her further and further away. i know that completely goes against the DB method.
Well today was expectedly hard. But I made it. Just need to stay the course and work on bettering myself.
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
Have you spoken with a DB coach? You may find some great feedback and advice for your specific situation. With the separation, approaches can vary, but a DB coach can benefit so you are confident.
Move out day is a challenge, but the space can benefit you.
Be well this evening.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
No. They expect a small fortune. I'm not discrediting their benefit. But with now having to float my mortgage on a single income, I can't feasibly afford it.
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
