I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm hoping that your doctors are on the right track w/your medical care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I mentioned in the past that our d19 who lives in Boston may have same-sex attraction. Well, yesterday she confirmed it to me.
I had texted d19 the night before to see if she wanted 'Game of Thrones' updates. But she did not respond. Yesterday morning she responded saying she was dating a woman friend from work, and I would probably like her - b/c she puts sauerkraut on her hot dogs and she likes the rock group ACDC.
I was not going to let my past struggles with being judgmental creep into my response to d19's revelation. I asked if her friend liked the old Bon Scott ACDC, or the current version of the band. And of course, I had to ask if she was a Vikings fan.
The woman d19 is dating is from NY, and so was probably not a Vikings fan. But she prefers the old ACDC songs. So I texted d19 that she sounds like she is "pretty special". D19 texted back telling me she loved me.
W later told me that d19 was very much afraid to tell me of her same-sex attraction. I can't be judgmental to anyone given the colossal mess my life currently is in.
I don't have a clue on how to deal with d19's same sex attraction. But for now, I am going to treat them just as I treat my oldest daughter's relationship with her fiancée.
You just have to be you and still be the rock for her. This MLC / Divorce stuff can really screw with the children. Whether this is a life choice or her just acting out against what has been thrust on her only time will tell.
I have had to hold my tongue a lot watching my own girls make bad choices or hearing about them afterwards. I just found out my oldest has been doing a very dangerous life style without respecting herself. She may be paying a hard price for it as she said she may have been exposed to HIV. I know if I had shouted and screamed at her that she would just close down and pull away. I talked to her calmly but strongly about the choice not to use protection and why it was not just for birth control. I dont look forward to dealing with things if she becomes HIV positive.
Treat your daughter as you always have. Dont pry into anything she and her friend do. If they chose to demonstrate behavior in you presence that make you uncomfortable then let them know just like you would if your other daughter and fiancee were.Some things are acceptable in mixed company. some things aren't.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Hi Wet, it's good that your daughter was able to share that with you and that you responded in the way you did. Ultimately, we just want our parents to love and accept us and the choices we make - and I thought your response was loving and accepting.
Yes, you are in unchartered territory for you now, but I'm sure you'll navigate it with your usual thoughtfulness and compassion.
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Here is Friday's Lawyer Joke - I hope it makes you smile:
A woman ran a red traffic light and crashed into a man’s car. Both of their cars were demolished but, amazingly, neither of them was hurt.
After they crawled out of their cars, the woman said: “Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days.”
The man replied, “I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!” The woman continued, “And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished, but my bottle of 75-year old scotch didn’t break. Surely God meant for us to drink this vintage delicacy and celebrate our good fortune.”
Then she handed the bottle to the man. The man nodded his head in agreement, opened it, drank half the bottle and then handed it back to the woman.
The woman took the bottle, immediately put the cap back on, and handed it back to the man.
The man asked her, “Aren’t you having any?”
The woman replied, “Nah, I think I’ll just wait for the police.”
I don't have a clue on how to deal with d19's same sex attraction. But for now, I am going to treat them just as I treat my oldest daughter's relationship with her fiancée.
I guess I should provide a quick update on my divorce. A couple of month's ago, W wanted the divorce done NOW, b/c om was dying and they were going to get married, and he would give W his pension - some financial stability for her.
W sat down and agreed on all of the major issues in dispute, I put a Marital Termination Agreement together. I thought we were done. But W's attorney responded reversing everything W agreed to. It seems like there is no longer a rush to get this done NOW.
Next week we have the Initial Case Management Conference - I emailed W's attorney asking that we instead send this to mediation/dispute resolution, as I am still recovering from my hospital stay - and for some reason I have lost my voice!
W's attorney emailed me late Friday agreeing with trying to get the case referred to some sort of dispute resolution instead of next week's hearing. She was actually kinda nice. But then she asked if we were agreed on W having sole custody of s14, which caused me a flash of anger. But I'll take a deep breath when I respond on Monday, and see if we can get the case moving forward.
Great Scott, Wet. When you do things, you go big! Glad you're feeling better and on the mend.
Full custody? Really? That's some cheeky woman.
You know how the legal game is played. Time is your helper - be patient and stick to your guns.
On the other side, it sounds like you are learning some interesting lessons about things. The old, judgmental Wet seems to be re-thinking and gaining some different perspectives.
Hope you're well soon, amigo!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks AJ. Here is a quick update on the divorce. I emailed W's attorney telling her we cannot have the upcoming judge's conference b/c of my health/lost voice. This would mean the case would be transferred to mediation and this could not be until July as I do not have a doctor's appointment to repair my voice until then. W texted me this morning mad at me for trying to delay things this long.
We went back and forth with the texts, until I told her I would sign my version of the divorce agreement which was based on the sit down discussions W and I had. She didn't realize her attorney reversed every major position in response to my agreement.
W took another look at my agreement, and says that maybe she will sign it. Things look to be moving forward.
Well, W is mad at me. W did not agree to my divorce agreement. And W's attorney sent for the 5th time a proposal where W has sole physical custody of s14. By doing this and setting my parenting time low, W could get more child support $$$. I rejected W's proposal and asked W's attorney to cancel the upcoming judge's hearing.
When I rejected W's proposal, W shot out an email to us saying then "The upcoming hearing will not be cancelled." She wants this done as soon as possible.
I can't go to the hearing b/c I've lost my voice and I am still recovering from my extended hospital stay a few weeks ago.
I could write to the judge and make W looks foolish for pushing to go forward with a hearing which is mostly administrative in nature. But I will be patient today and see if W's attorney talk some sense to her.
I made W mad and didn't immediately try and fix things. Yes, I'm emotionally healthier than I've been in a long time.
